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Tips for a Happily Ever After

Tips for A Happily Ever After

Okay so i just happened to come across this article while doing some research work and i thought why not share this beautiful piece of advice that a father gave to his son

and a mother to her daughter.

I hope we all could learn from these little advices.

May Allah guide us all to the right path.

May Allah SWT give us the favour of changing what we can change (like ourselves), patience with what we cannot change (like our spouse), and the wisdom to understand the difference. Ameen.

So well here goes:

Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal's advice to his son on his wedding day:

Dear son, you will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.

As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don't be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.

3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.

4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.

5. Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house . Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.

6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.

7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because 'the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved'. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won't listen to you, so stay in between the two.

8. It is in the women's nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, "I have never seen any good from you". So don't let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.

9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind ( menstruation/period). Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.

10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.

Advice to my dear sisters in Islam and also for myself too. ;)

1.) Use your 'Fitnah' (beauty and overtures of allurement) to win the heart of your husband. All women have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah SWT has bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband. Dress up for your husband at home. Wear the colours and clothes that he likes to see you in and use makeup, perfume, jewellery - in short, whatever it takes to be attractive to him. From the early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets and worn pretty dresses. Continue this tradition as a wife.

2.) Be sensitive to his moods, feelings and needs. For example, don't start complaining or burden him with problems as soon as he comes home; rather, welcome him and make him feel good to be home. Imagine your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom - what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to him.

3.) Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn (women of jannah), and try to imitate them. The Qur'an and Sunnah describe the women in jannah with certain characteristics. Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes to 'enlarge' them, and sing to your husband.

4.) Do things together or at least allocate some time of the day to give him your undivided attention. Be sincere in appreciating him, show interest in his day, his activities, his thoughts and opinions. Give him advice and comfort him when needed. Spend your husband's money carefully. Show caring and concern for his relatives as this is a sure way of securing a place in his heart. Never object when he spends on them, as this is a source of abundance in provision and increase in life span.

5.) Joke and play games with your husband. A mans secret: they seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humour. As Rasulullah SAW told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh. Be cheerful and humorous, smile often, don't feel shy to be affectionate with your husband and make him feel really happy to be around you. Express your love frequently and creatively, rather than waiting for him to do so first.

6.) Be grateful to your husband. Remind yourself that it's a tough world out there and your husband works very hard to provide for you. So whatever you do, don't compare him to other men. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Let him know that you appreciate his efforts, not just through your words, but also by your actions. This is one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire.

7.) Don't fly into a rage when you have a difference of opinion or he criticizes you. Stay calm, control your tongue and don't challenge your husband's authority at that time. Use your wisdom, tactics and powers of persuasion later to try to explain your point of view. Believe the best, not the worst about him. Be forgiving and accept apologies graciously rather than holding grudges and bringing up mistakes of the past. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple 'I'm sorry' even if it is not your fault. When you fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire. Watch how sweetly an argument will end when you just say sincerely, "I'm sorry. Please lets stop arguing."

8.) Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to jannah. Rasulullah SAW taught us that any women who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter jannah. So please him. Simple things like serve him the foods he likes, remembering that variety is the spice of life. Try to eat together as this fosters companionship.

9.) Listen and Obey! Obeying your husband is fard (obligatory). Remember that your husband is the head of the family and as long as obedience to him does not entail any sin, it is your duty to obey him. Show respect for your husband by not divulging your private and confidential issues to others, or by complaining about him to people or discussing your marital problems with those who cannot help you.

10.) Make dua to Allah SWT to make your marriage and relationship successful. All good things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah SWT for the blessing of having a successful marriage that begins in this world and continues on - by the Mercy of Allah SWT into jannah.