Blood Must Have Blood (Clexa Fanfic)

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The Commander could still feel Clarke shaking in her arms for a long time afterwards and Clarke herself couldn't be sure when she stopped crying. The world felt like a blur and all she could do was cling to Lexa as if reality itself were slipping through her fingers.

"Please..don't leave me." Clarke whispered, unable to stop the words. Whatever filter her sober thoughts had given her was gone now. Lexa let out a long sigh into Clarke's hair and then held her at arm's length, looking deep into the other girl's eyes whilst keeping a firm grip on each of her shoulders.

Lexa could feel a tight knot in her stomach and she knew that she had to say something to Clarke, otherwise she'd be on the verge of tears again. She shook her head and smiled weakly which sent a pang through Clarke's chest. Lexa never showed weakness, never. But now she looked so helpless, so vulnerable but most of all. So human..

"I'd never do that.." Lexa's hands trailed down Clarke's shoulders until they found her hands and she gripped them tightly.
"I don't think I ever could." She said in finality and Clarke looked happy with the answer. Although Lexa noticed a slight hesitation in Clarke's eyes and it took her a moment to realise why the blonde-girl was so reluctant.

"Mt Weather." Lexa said, her voice as sure as ever and Clarke nodded softly.
"You don't trust me right?" Another nod met the Commander and she closed her eyes.
"Look..I never wanted to leave you Clarke. I did what was best for my people. You're telling me you wouldn't have done the same?" She asked, looking to Clarke and squeezing her hands as she awaited the answer.
Clarke felt a pang in her stomach and suddenly she didn't know what to say.
"Yes.. I would have but-"
"But what?" Lexa's grip tightened and the blonde-haired girl could feel Lexa's agitation.

She swallowed softly as she felt the words tingling on the edge of her tongue.
"But I loved you.." Her eyes came up to meet the Commander's, oddly calm.
"No matter what would've transpired I was certain I was going to take you with me. But obviously things changed." Clarke bit her lip and glowered at Lexa angrily whilst the brown-haired girl looked completely startled. After all, her and Clarke had already shared a once passionate kiss before now but it was a long time ago, when everything seemed calmer.

"You told me you didn't feel the same. You said that you weren't READY to be with someone. When we kissed..you-" Lexa trailed off as Clarke stood up, brushing herself down and ripping her hands away from Lexa's.
"It doesn't matter." She said sharply, grabbing the discarded medical supplies, not wanting to look at the other girl. But Lexa couldn't help but look at Clarke, her words straining her vocal chords as she tried to push them out to no avail. Instead she curled her hands into fists and walked over to Clarke, grabbing her arm gently but firmly to stop her.
"Just. Wait a second, Clarke please?" She said, trying to look into her eyes. Deep-down the Commander knew that Clarke was struggling, after all, she'd been crying only moments before. She looked tired, her blonde hair askew and her eyes were red and swollen from the tears. Although more were already forming and as the darkness of night began to fall over the forest, they only glittered more under Clarke's eyes.

The Commander reached a gentle hand up to Clarke's face as she brushed away her tears, concern laced into her expression. As she looked at Clarke she couldn't help but hold her breath at how beautiful she seemed in the fading light. Her hair looked golden and to the touch Lexa knew it would be soft. She almost wanted to touch it, to run her fingers through it and smell Clarke's scent like she had remembered it. A nostalgic look replaced her look of concern and Clarke appeared to notice.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She snapped, although her voice cracked as Lexa brushed away yet more tears. The brown-haired girl remained still, slowly trailing her fingers to Clarke's chin where they lingered, softer than a whisper.

"You said you loved me Clarke?" Lexa paused, biting her lip. "But I think we both know that I've always loved you. And I know love is weakness but I just..." Her eyes met Clarke's "I could never bear to lose you.."

The words hung in the air for a moment and Clarke's eyes widened as she looked at Lexa like she was a stranger. There was no way that the Commander would ever reveal or say something like that so why would she choose to-

Clarke's whirring thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the feeling of Lexa's fingers twitching against her chin. Mere moments had only passed although it had felt like a lifetime. Clarke swallowed a lump in her throat and parted her lips to reply but was quickly silenced as Lexa leaned in and kissed her, stopping her words.

The kiss was soft and at first Clarke tensed completely, her lips still against Lexa's as she refused to kiss back. However, after a few moments memories began to flood Clarke's mind and she was taken back to the first time Lexa had kissed her. It felt just the same then as it did now only now the kiss was a lot slower and more passionate, almost like it spoke the words that Lexa had wanted to say. Clarke let out a soft sigh and eventually felt herself succumb to the warm sensation coursing through her body and she kissed back, her eyes closing as she felt Lexa's arms wrap around her. She felt unsure about this but there was something about the security of Lexa's arms and the deep passion of the kiss that made her feel like all of this was familiar.

Although, as the kiss continued for a few moments Clarke felt an icy wave wash over her as her mind caught up to her. She was kissing the woman that had killed her first love. The woman that had abandoned her...

Clarke pulled away quickly, her face slightly flushed and her breathing ragged. Lexa's opened her eyes slowly and looked at her, a perplexed glint in her eyes.
"Clarke? What's wrong?" She asked and she just shook her head, wriggling away from Lexa's arms and taking a step back.
"I can't do this. I don't want this." She said and Lexa's face drained of colour as she felt the familiar feeling of rejection again. Please. Not a second time. She thought to herself and she reached her arm out to Clarke, opening her mouth to speak.

"Stay away from me." Clarke snapped, jumping away from Lexa's hand and taking a few more steps back, edging towards a break in the trees.

"Wait. Can't we just talk about this? Clarke, I've already told you, I love you. Please don't do this to me again.." Lexa's voice sounded scared and it held a painful sense of desperation, but Clarke knew she had to ignore it.

"Stay away!" She cried, turning on her heel and taking off into the forest, feeling the tree branches whipping her face as she ran at full speed. Her ears pricked for any sign of pursuit from Lexa but she heard none and she kept running, not daring to look back and see the look of distraught on Lexa's face.