SWTOR smuggler Fanfiction

Here Without You

So this is a songfic. I recommend you listen to the song first, or while you are reading it. It takes place in KOTFE, during Nova's nightly walks while she's thinking of Corso.
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A hundred days have made me older
Since I last saw your pretty face

2 months since i've seen him. Each day i'm away from him I feel another piece of me die. A piece only he can hold, only he can put back into place.

A thousand lies have made me colder,
And I don't think I can look at this the same.

"I'm fine" "it's ok" "it's going great" Lies. All lies. I hate lying, but it's so much easier than pouring ny heart out to people. I took Corso for granted. I made a promise to myself; if, no, no, when Corso comes back to me, I won't take him for granted. I'll hold him closer, love him harder.

But all the miles that seperate,
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

In my dreams, my only escape from the hell of war, I see him. My memories of him. They're so precious to me. Besides Flashy and Sparkles, they're the only thing I have left of him. I'll hold onto them until the bitter end. I won't let myself forget him.

I'm here without you baby,
But you're still on my lonely mind,

Not a day goes by when i'm not reminded of him. I remember when he first asked me out; Nar Shaddah, the promenade. Voss reminds me of our marriage. Alderann, I nearly lost him there. The missions to those planets... ache. They are shrouded in swirling memories of laughter and tears, triumph and failure, and yet we always managed to get through. It hurts, yes, but the memories remind me that there is still hope.

I think about you baby,
And I dream about you all the time,
I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

I've dreamt many a dream of him. Never new situations, no, times we were together. Our first date, when I met him, our first anniversary, each night is new, and when i'm dreaming, away from reality, I can be happy again. I can remember a time when full out war didn't exist. I can be with him. I don't have to call out for him with every breath, because for those few blissful moments, he's at my side again, and everything in the galaxy is right. As it... should... be.

The miles just keep rollin'
As people leave their way to say hello

Life goes on. I hate it, but i'm forced to change. I am no longer the smuggler turned republic privateer. I am the last hope the galaxy has. Or so i'm told. And yet, despite these changes, I will never stop loving him. All I can do now is hope that he'll love this person i've become.

I've heard this life is overrated,
but I hope it gets better as we go.

People would tell me "just let go commander". "He's not this important". "He wouldn't want you to feel like this". Yeah, well, we don't always get what we want. Otherwise Corso would be at my side right now. I have no other choice than to believe that will happen.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me

My heart sings for him. Every moment. Of every day. It sings the painful song of mourning and the sweet whisper of love. It's everywhere, like a poisonous fog, reaching its tendrils of notes even into my dreams.

Everything I know,
And everywhere I go,
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

Oh, Corso. Every decision I make in the alliance, I wish you were there to tell me what you thought. To ease my worry about whether or not I'm telling everyone a lie. I see you on Nar Shaddah, I see you on Alderann, I see you in those stupid little drinks you used to like. Every day it gets harder to breath without your arms around me. Without you by my side, i'm deteriorating. I lose my strength, I lose confidence in my decisions, and i'm losing sight of who I was. Yet it's as if what I lose is poured into my love for you. Your absence has made me love you so much more.

And when the last one falls,
When it's all said and done,
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

As soon as this damn war is over, as soon as Arcann is dead and the republic is restored, I am finding you. I will search like i've never searched before. I will serach harder than I'm fighting this war. I will never give up on you, I will refuse to believe you're dead, just like you refused to believe I was dead. I will find you.

I'm here without you, baby
And you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.
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I sung the last word into the air as I looked up into the sky and saw the stars. I wiped the tears off my face and leaned against the boarding ramp of the Quicksilver. I came out here every night to sing and pretend he can hear me, wherever he is.

I'm here without you baby