SWTOR smuggler Fanfiction

Promise

A fair warning, this fic gets real dark real fast. What Nova is worried about doing is not explicitly said, but it could still trigger. I've been thinking about writing this one for a long time, but have kept putting it off for this reason. However, I feel that I simply need to write because it shows how deeply the separation from Corso has affected her and how even in the darkest of times she looks out for others before herself. It takes a place just two weeks after Nova was unfrozen from carbonite and given the control of the alliance.
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"Captain? You called us?" Theron stepped up to me along with Lana. I had called them both to speak with me because of something that had been weighing on my mind. Something that quite frankly scares the living stars out of me.

I sighed as I pivoted on my feet to turn around and look out at the wilderness of Odesson. I had called them to the cliff near the personal landing area of my ship to guarantee that there was no one listening or spying on us.

No one needs to hear what I'm about to say.

"You two have been searching actively for my crew members, or at least as much as you can, correct?" I whispered, my hands stiff behind my back and my shoulders taunt with trying to keep the dark swirling emotions within my chest. Where they should be.

"Well, yes we have, but nothings come up yet" Lana replied, hesitation and dare I say worry in her voice. It was evident that she could sense something was off; I hadn't acted like this before her before.

I took a shaky breath. "I know. And i'm grateful for that. But I need you two to make a promise to me"

"Anything you want, commander" Theron replied. I flinched at the familiar phrase, one that Corso would say so often... "No, Nova, something is obviously wrong. As your friend, i'll help you. What's wrong?"

I paused, watching a bird in the distance between the trees to delay the conversation long enough to clear the heavy lump in my throat. I'd need it to be gone if I were to get these next horrific words out of my mouth. Taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I continued, "I need you to promise me, that if you do find them, if it turns out he's..." I stopped as my voice cracked to blink away tears and shake my head to clear it. I rushed through my next words so that I wouldn't stop again; it was hard enough to start the first time.

"I need you to promise me that if he's dead you won't tell me"

The silence was palpable. Even the forest in front of me didn't make a noise. It wasn't hard to imagine the shocked expressions on their face and the look of surprise they exchanged. "But commander... why? Wouldn't you want to know? He's your husband!" Theron's startled tone broke the silence in exactly the way I thought he would. I expected him to expect me to want to know. it makes sense; any spouse would want to know if they were in my position. But I don't have that luxury as the commander of the galaxy's only and best hope.

"Theron, Lana, if Arcann wanted to destroy me, destroy the alliance right now, all he'd have to do is get that information to me" A silent sob escaped and I wiped away the tears that I didn't realize has started falling. While I was struggling to fight them back, I almost missed Lana's whispered response.

"You don't know that"

I shook my head, giving up on holding the tears back. Slowly, almost silently, I began speaking. "I do know that. Because if Corso is dead..." I stopped as the very thought ripped a sob through me. I slowly turned around and watched a blurry picture of Lana and Theron's faces turn to horror as I told them the reason for my request.

"If Corso is dead I won't have the willpower to live anymore"