SWTOR smuggler Fanfiction

Sinkhole

Grief is like a sinkhole. You think you're safe, you think you're firmly established. Then one day everything crumbles beneath your feet.

You've been in carbonite for five years. We have no idea where your crew is.

At first, yeah, it's a big shock. You're thinking, what the hell just happened? It wasn't suppossed to be this way. Where's all my stuff? And you keep searching in the vain hope that something will show up.

Have you found them yet?
No, commander, i'm sorry.

Eventually, you give up. You find nothing in the hole and climb out of it, sitting on the edge for rest. Then you start tossing things in, hoping to refill the hole, to fix it, to make it disappear.

"I'll see you later"
"Smell you later"
I laughed.
I left.
I cried.

But eventually you stop tossing, stop caring, and you lay there, realizing that even if you could fix the hole, you wouldn't want to. You want it to be just the same as it was.

A gentle whisper could be heard.
"I still dream of you"

You realize it can't be the same, of course, but you sit there, staring at it, waiting for it to reappear, as if maybe you were just dreaming and this never happened. You don't leave the side of that hole, because leaving would mean it could never be filled again. Leaving would be the ultimate betrayal. You promise to not take what was there for granted ever again.

I'd hold you longer,
Kiss you harder,
Love you better.
If only I could find you again.

And eventually you are an empty soul, just sitting on the edge of your lost dreams, void of anything, with only the thought of a miracle keeping you breathing.

I won't stop fighting for you. I will not stop fighting until I see your face again.