SWTOR smuggler Fanfiction

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In the game, the smuggler's ship is an XS frieghtor. Nova, however, has christened it "Quicksilver".
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"Hey, commander, how come you've never used your ship? I thought you'd be delighted, but you've hardly used her at all. It's strange" Theron said to me over the roar of the cantina. He sipped his drink as he waited for me to reply.

Now, most people don't understand the relationship between a captain and his/her ship. It's incredibly close. Like the strongest of friendships, a captain takes as much care of their ship as the ship takes care of them. Most captains view their ship as their own child. The ship gets damaged, that baby ain't flying again until she's repaired. The captain spots a chance to upgrade her, it happens right away. The dynamic duo never seperates for any legthy amount of time. And never, barring the destruction of their other half, would a captain fly any other ship.

Which is exactly what i've been doing. When I have to go recruit alliance members I take one of the shuttles, never electing to choose to fly my own ship. Strange behavior, indeed for a starship captain... but I have my reasons.

"It's because my ship is so recognizable. Arcann would be able to find me too easily, Theron"

"You're terrible at lying, you know that?"

I blinked at his annoyed tone. Theron was looking at me with a mixture of suspicion, concern, and annoyance. His grip on his drink was stronger than before.

Looking away to hide my shame for lying to him, I focused on swirling my drink in my hands. "I don't know what you're talking about Theron"

He sighed angrily, reached his hand towards my drink and grabbed it out of my hand. I looked up at him in surprise, my eyes wide. Theron's mouth was set in a straight line, and his eyes were narrowed. He looked me right in the eye as he spoke.

"Listen Nova." My eyes widened further as I slightly leaned back. They almost never call me by my name, not unless they were serious about something. "A ship and her captain are inseperable. Give a captain a ship that they've lost and they won't get off the thing until someone pries them off. You've avoided the Quicksilver like it's the rakghoul plague, yet admiral Aygo says you look at it for hours with what he can only describe as longing. You want to fly it, yet you haven't set foot on it once"

I had looked away by this point, yet i knew Theron was looking at me just as intensly. I fought back my tears; he was right. I wanted my ship so badly; but there's a part of both her... and me... that's missing.

"It's not just me Nova. Senya, Koth, Lana; we all thought we'd see you in the base only during when you had duties that needed taking care off. They're surprised, but they think it's just because you're dedicated to your work and admire you for it. But they weren't the one to deliver the Quicksilver back to you"

I hunched my shoulders and angled myself away from him; I can't allow him to see my face in case my tears start to pour over. I feel the pressure on my shoulders wavering, as if it can't decide to stay there or accept the lightened load it's about to recieve.

"The look on your face, I expected joy and longing, the face someone would wear when meeting an old friend. But instead you..." Theron paused. He sighed, and I heard him hit the table before taking a deep breath and continuing. "instead you had a different look. Longing, yes, but it was tainted with pain and your eyes were... somewhere else. Somewhere far away, like you were reliving faraway memories. That look has worried me, especially since i've seen it on your face more than once when i'm sure you thought no one was looking."

I felt a hand on my shoulder and immediately tensed. It was gentle, and I could feel the concern that it communicated to me.

"So please, Nova, i'm asking you as one friend to another, not a subordinate to his commander. What's wrong?"

Theron's voice was thick. He genuinely cared. He was worried. I had a decision to make; either accept my friend's help or continue walking a solo path that was sure to break what little strength I had. For one terrifying moment, I felt my old stubbornness take over. I don't need anyone, I can do things on my own. Like hell i'll tell anyone that I'm so torn up I cry myself to sleep.

But your crew, the very reasons you feel this way, taught you to trust, taught you how to have friends, and, eventually, a family. A rouge voice says in my head. Thank the stars it wasn't Valkorian; the jerk doesn't know how to butt out still. No, this voice was not from him, nor from my brain. It was from somewhere in my chest. The place where the heart resides. I took a deep breath; it was time to trust more souls.

"Theron, I..." Great. Two words and you're already emotional. I shook my head and tried again. "Theron, the reason I don't go on my ship anymore is..." I slowly turned my head and looked at Theron. Well, I think it was him. The world was blurry. My next words came out so thick with emotion that I couldn't speak louder than a whisper.

"... is because she's empty" a tear rolled down my cheek. A tear full of the memories of a lost love. I wiped it away as easily as he was ripped from my life.

Theron looked confused. I waited and watched as I saw the wheels in his head turning. Then, slowly, two and two were put together and his eyes slowly grew and refocused back on my face.

"Nova, I... I'm so sorry. We're looking for them, I swear. We just need more time. I know it's been a couple months but we're looking..." he spoke quickly and apologetically. I could tell he felt guilty, that he was begining to put the guilt on himself. I would have none of that.

"Theron stop" I commanded. I took a moment to dab at my eyes and shove away my feelings like I was so used to now. I focused back on Theron with a stern look. "I am fully aware that you are searching for them; I also know how hard it is for you to keep all your other duties together. I don't think i'll ever be able to fully express how grateful I am. It is not your fault they were torn from my life and I refuse to let you believe that yourself"

I watched as the guilt on Theron's face gradually fell away during my speech. What was left was a look of pity. I sighed internally, feeling slightly annoyed. I never did accept pity well, and i'd be damned if I ever accepted help.

But that was before you met Corso. I thought bitterly. It's funny how now that he's not here you're turning back into your old self.

Theron opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped when he heard his ear communicator. Annoyed, he sighed and held his hand up to his ear, holding down the button to recieve the signal. "Yes?" He snapped. I watched him as he dragged his hand down his face and groaned. "Kaliyo did what again?" Exasperation clear in his voice.

I chuckled; Kaliyo probably blew something up at the training grounds again. Theron took it upon himself to reprimand her whenever she did; a decision i'm sure he's regretting now.

"Fine. I'll be right there." Theron said, then looked at me, an apologetic look in his eyes. "Sorry, commander, I gotta go..."

I smiled, and shook my head. "No, it's fine. Go." Theron nodded, got up, and walked out the cantina.

As I watched him leave, I thought about those i've worked closely with, and realized I might have to find more space for bunks on the Quicksilver. My heart still pines after its old crew, its old life, but that doesn't mean there's not room for a new crew.
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Godness gracious i'm so sorry. I hated that ending. Ugh.