Forgetting Mr.

⋆ Haunted ⋆

The room fell silent and I could hear the faint rain outside.

This had to be the absolute worst day.

"What are you talking about?" He asked worriedly and I just bit my lip. I looked up through my long lashes and sighed lightly to myself.

I knew deep down that I was being selfish. I did not deserve him, he was too good for me. I was young and foolish, and I could ruin everything. He was risking too much for me, and I felt guilty and the guilt haunted me until I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Don't do this. I've risked so much for you, just please don't." He mumbled quietly and I felt my eyes watering.

He was making it extremely difficult, and I couldn't handle seeing him in so much pain. I almost caved, I wanted to hug him but I knew I had to forget what I wanted and do what I should have done a long time ago.

"I'm sorry. It's best if we just stay away from each other I think, to make things easier." I said lightly. I removed my hand from his, and wiped my tears before walking away.

"You know this isn't what you want. You're upset, please don't do this." He said panic starting rise in his voice. I cried lightly and felt stupid for letting him see me this way.

It was true. This isn't what I wanted because I want to be with him but that didn't make it right. I didn't want to be the reason he lost his job and got send to prison. Maybe it's selfish, but it truly didn't matter anymore. I made up my mind.

"Don't you see? I'm doing this for you. Just forget about me, and soon enough you'll see this was for the best." I said quietly. I remember feeling so lost, and I didn't know whether to hit something or cry. Eventually I realized it was easier to be angry than sad, so I let the anger in and forgot about the pain in my chest.

"You know none of us will be happy.. Please. I'm begging you." He said quietly and I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind, and I let the anger out.

"Just stop! It's over, okay? It's over!" I yelled. I remember his face drop, and it was like a slap to the face. He was the last person I should've been yelling at, but my anger got the best of me.

I was so angry, and furious at everything but mostly myself.

"I need you." He whispered.

"I need you too." I admitted. "More than you'll ever know."

"See? We need each other." He said his eyes lighting up but I just shook my head and looked at the floor.

"Then I guess we'll just have to learn how to live without each other." I mumbled and felt his body stiffen. He let go of me and backed away from me.

"So that's it? You're just going to end this- whatever this is- was there even a this?" He asked rambling on and I wiped at my eyes furiously. "I mean seriously. There never really was a this, you didn't even give me time to" he stopped talking abruptly and just stared at me with sad eyes.

"You never even gave me a chance to love you." He said and I shook my head.

"Oh for christ's sake." I burst. "This is not love!" I said my eyes pouring with tears as my mouth overflowed with bitter words. "I don't love you. I don't even know what love is. You don't love me either, it's just a phase we'll soon get over." I said and watched his face drain of all its colour. "I'm sorry. This is for the best, you'll see. You deserve so much more than I can offer you. I'm just a silly girl with a crush. You are a man, with needs and I can't fulfill your needs.." I said grabbing my bag about to walk out of his room before he scoffed, making me pause.

"So that's the problem huh? Sex?" He said almost bitterly. "You think that low of me? Yes I'm a man and I have needs, but I'm not a monster! Just because I won't sleep with you? Is that what this is about? You're willing to end what we have because I won't sleep with you?" He asked sternly. I felt a tug within my heart, I wish it were that easy but it wasn't. A flame of anger ignited within me, insulted and embarrassed. I sighed before turning around to face him.

"That's not what this is about! If I just wanted someone to fuck me-

"Don't talk like that!" He warned, but I didn't stop.

"If I wanted someone to take my virginity and fuck my brains out, don't think I couldn't find someone to do so! This isn't about you not screwing me! This is about me being so young and naive and stupid to think we could ever work! You are a man in need of a woman, not a stupid child!" I yelled bitterly, as my eyes prickled with tears. "I'm just a stupid naive child." I cried.

My heart felt as if it was torn apart, and whatever shreds left were hanging by threads. I was heavy with emotions, and each breath I took felt like fire within my lungs. My ears were ringing and the sound of him speaking, trying to reason with me were drowned out. I knew what I had to do. "Stop." I interrupted. I looked up in his eyes, and I saw the glimmer of hope in his eyes which was soon erased, with no trace that it was even there in the first place. "I don't want to see you anymore.. I think it's best if we just move on with our lives, it'll make things easier for the both of us." I turned around and headed for the door, not wanting to look at him for I knew that it would haunt me forever. "Goodbye." I said softly before walking out the door.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

When I went to school the next week, he was gone. I was told he had quit and taken another job somewhere else far away. To say I was heart broken was an understatement. I cried myself to sleep for the remainder of the school year.

The memory of his hurt eyes replayed in my mind, the face he made when I told him I didn't love him haunted me.

I did love him. I wanted to convince myself I didn't but I did.

I didn't need to know his whole life story to love him, I loved him from the moment he spoke to me. I could just see it in his eyes, the way they sparkled.

I still love him, and I think I always will but it's time for me to move on and stop dwelling on the past. I need to stop wondering the what if's because that's all it is, a what if.

This is the truth.

He is gone, and most likely forgotten about me. He's probably married, and maybe he even has a child. I know he's moved on, I can just feel it so it's time for me to move on too.

He wouldn't have wanted me to be hung up on him these last few years.

I get overwhelmed sometimes, and think about trying to get in touch with him but I never go through with it. It would be so selfish of me. I was the one who let him go. Who made him leave, and broke his heart.

That's something I just have to live with, forever and ever, and ever. We always thought we'd be forever, we were wrong because nothing lasts forever.

Nothing.