Redefining Beautiful

Chapter Seventeen: Second Thoughts

Destiny didn’t talk to me in P.E. She looked a little preoccupied with Derek Brand. The two were dancing around, laughing, hands all over each other. Roebuck eventually got fed up with them and sent them to run laps holding hands which was amusing to watch because Destiny couldn’t run as fast as the JV wide receiver, Derek.

Malia congratulated me on scoring Trevor as we were lifting weights in the weightroom. I was laying out on the bench under the forty-five pound bar, resting before doing another set of twelve repetitions. “Thanks.” I smiled at her. She leaned over the bar, her nutmeg brown hair dangling over my face. Concerned, she asked me why I haven’t been sitting with her and the rest of the group at lunch anymore. “Oh, I organize books in the library,” I answered, and then I laughed and added, “Yeah, it’s lame.” Even though I thoroughly enjoyed stacking books and talking to Casey.

Out of the four pretty, skinny girls, Malia was my favorite. She didn’t really fit in with Destiny’s overpowering personality, Megan’s pastel wardrobe, and Madison’s filthy richness. Malia was more down to Earth and neutral with everyone. She’s like Casey, but Malia cares a lot about what people think and that’s why she hangs out with Destiny. I guess it’s easier to be the one talking than the one being talked about.

After P.E., I was getting dressed at my locker when Destiny approached me. She said, “I’m not mad you’re going to homecoming with Trevor.” I looked at her puzzled. “Megan was telling me how you were upset that I was upset with you.”

“I didn’t tell Megan anything,” I objected.

“That’s Megan for you.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I’m over Trevor.”

“Really?” I wasn’t convinced for one second.

“Yeah. I mean, he’s obviously into girls like you.”

Girls like me?

“Not that that’s bad or anything, but he has a bit of a reputation from what I hear.” Destiny inspected her nails for a moment.

Reputation?

“Oh!” Her eyes widened. “You don’t know about his reputation? My bad for not telling you, but I was talking to Alyssa and she told me that Rustin doesn’t like Trevor because apparently Trevor snuck into Rustin’s sister’s bedroom. She’s like some cheerleader or something, and they spent the night together or something really dirty like that.”

“Is that bad?” Of course, to me, it bothered me. I wanted to be Trevor’s girlfriend so badly, finding out about previous girls and what they did with Trevor made me feel uncomfortable. Especially since I would never do stuff like let a boy into my room when my parents were asleep. Destiny did that once last year and had a pregnancy scare.

“Well, to you it could be because I know you would never do that.” Destiny shook her head, her face full of pity. “Look, I’m trying to protect you because I’m your best friend and I know--and I mean, I know--with this new look of yours, you think you’re invincible, but you’re still the same old insecure and naive Charlie Anna Bates.”

How does Destiny have me all figured out?

“Trust me, I’m your best friend and I’ve known you all your life so I know you.”

I wanted to tell her that she didn’t know me, that I’ve changed, but then I thought better of it. I would just look like I was in denial or something. So yeah, I changed my physical appearance, but the inside of me was the same. It would be okay if it was just me that knew that. However, Destiny knew and she’s holding it against me.

When Destiny walked out of the locker room, I stuck my head inside my gym locker and cried. I didn’t want to go to homecoming with Trevor anymore, and I didn’t want to wear his jersey this Friday. He’s into me now, but once he sees that I’m not like the girls who he has once dated, he’s going to drop me like one of his old, worn baseballs.

I mean, Emma’s boyfriend broke up with her because she was insecure, and I just can’t go through with that. It would hurt more than anything to know, even after my transformation, that being myself still isn’t enough.