Redefining Beautiful

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Beyond the Faces

I didn’t feel like going to school Monday. I was hoping I could just lay in my bed, remaining silent, until my parents left, tricking them into thinking I already left for school. Except, my mom knew I was still in my bed and that I hated life and that I was mad because she’s a mom and they tend to know everything.

“No school today?” She asked though already knowing the answer. I could lie or I could tell her the truth. Either way, I didn’t feel like talking.

“There’s school. I’m just not in the mood to go.” I stared blankly at the ceiling because I knew if I looked into her eyes, I was going to break down.

“What happened?” She asked. “Are you and Destiny fighting?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” I replied. “The fight is over.”

My mom sat on the corner of my bed, and she patted my shin. “Tell me about it. You haven’t talked to me in awhile.” Which was true, and I felt bad about it. Before, when I was overweight, I cried to my mom about everything. I guess, after I got healthy, I didn’t think I needed to anymore.

“Sorry,” I said. “But you can’t get mad at me or ground me because it would just be pointless since I’m getting enough punishment at school and it already happened so grounding me would make no sense.”

“Just spill,” My mom lightly slapped my shin.

“I told you I was going to spend the night at Destiny’s after homecoming, but I didn’t.” I confessed. “I stayed the night at Trevor’s because I was going to stay at Destiny’s, but it turned into a party and yeah, she set me up and now a half naked picture of me is surfing through school.” I left out that small detail about Rustin because I knew it’d get back to my dad, and I just wasn’t ready for that drama to explode.

“Wow.” My mom crossed her arms. “I cannot believe someone you called your best friend all your life would do such a thing.”

“I can.” I shrugged. “She wasn’t a good friend, Mom. It took me this long to realize and accept it.”

“She’s just jealous of your beauty, Charlie. Don’t let her get you down.” My mom shook her head.

“I wanted for so long to be pretty, and this is what I get,” I said. “I should have never gotten pretty.”

“Well, no. Charlie, you’re missing the point.” My mom shifted her weight on the bed. “I think what you did by getting healthy was fabulous. Maybe you shouldn’t have lost the weight with high hopes that your life was going to be perfect and everyone was just going to bow down to you, but other than that, I think you’ve done an amazing job at finding who you are.”

“Who am I, Mom?” I asked, looking into her eyes this time.

“You are beautiful.”

I didn’t know what to say to my mom when she said I was beautiful. I was starting to think maybe by “beautiful”, she wasn’t complimenting my looks. Like, maybe my looks aren’t what it’s all about. It must go deeper than that now.

Beautiful isn’t being thin. It’s not having the best body, and it’s not attracting attention from others with your assets. This whole time, I thought being beautiful meant having pretty friends, and dressing in name brands, and getting asked to dances by football players. I thought beautiful was being stick thin, and having guys want you, and girls wanting to be you. Maybe that’s society’s definition of beautiful, but it’s not going to be mine anymore.

“You know,” I sat up cheerfully. “I’m going to school. Fuck being sad!”

“Language, baby,” My mom warned.