tears - phan AU❁ (EDITING)

0.4

            because she's so
                 so so
                   so so
                     so so
         rock and roll,
           and out of my league.
            yeah she's out of my league.
     - "trouble" nevershoutnever
•-•

dan howell was a different story, because while phil lester had coolly turned around and paid attention to what his teacher was saying, dan could do nothing but stare at the back of his head, bewildered.

"thanks. im phil."

dan was always one to obsess over the smallest things, good and bad. accidentally cut his finger while peeling a carrot? flip out and put some band aids over that shit. trip, but catch yourself? heavily breathe in terror at the thought of what could've happened.

said something stupid in front of another person? lock yourself in your room the next few days in shame.

so when phil lester simply introduced himself and thanked him, dan couldn't help but feel like he'd just shook hands with the queen.

after an agonizing other 20 minutes of class that involved mostly doodling and staring at the back of phils head for dan, the bell finally rang, signaling lunch.

dan got out of his seat, collecting his things quickly, trying to get out of there as fast as he could. dan never liked being the last one leaving the classroom, so he went out of his way to make it not happen.

on his way to the lunchroom, he'd bumped into someone by accident.

"watch where you're going, danny downer."  they sneered, giving dan a final shove into a locker before stalking off.

another bad thing about being obsessive?

over emotionality.

dan suddenly didn't feel like eating.

when dan howell should've brushed it off, he ran off to the nearest bathroom and locked himself in a stall.

and cried.

he hated that words as simple as that hurt him so much. he shouldn't let those people bug him, but he couldn't help it. dan howell was born different. he was over emotional, depressed, uncontrollable. just sad.

and he couldn't even help it.

he wiped a few tears and looked down at his hands, now covered in black muck from his horrid, ugly, disgusting black tears that made him the way he was.

thinking of this made him only cry harder, burying his head in his hands, sobs racking his body in the bathroom stall.

he heard footsteps.

no. nobody can see me like this.

nobody was actually able to confirm if dans tears were black, he just had given off the feeling. with proof like this, someone could easily film him while he's vulnerable and show everyone.

he tried to get himself to shut up, but he couldn't seem to be able. he didn't have the emotional control.

so when he heard the footsteps start heading straight for his stall, he'd given up on moving anywhere. there wasn't a point to it, anyways. he cried as silently as possible, but whoever it was lightly knocked.

dan stayed quiet, shaking his head silently.

"is-is someone okay in here?" a voice shakily called out.

dan recognized it almost immediately. he stayed quiet, until finally building the courage to call back out.

"im fine, now go away."

the other side was silent for a moment, before dan heard phil quietly ask,

"can i come in?"

oh christ.