tears - phan AU❁ (EDITING)

0.8

jealousy,
turning saints into the sea,
swimming through sick lullabies
choking on your alibis.
~'mr. brightside' the killers
•-•-•

dan howell was smiling.

he didn't necessarily know why he was smiling. he was in the nurses office, getting his cuts and bruises from falling bandaged.

maybe it's because he was alongside phil lester.

dan felt phil's eyes on him, as the nurse with her big and invasive cleavage got uncomfortably close to dan's face as she handed him another few band aids.

as she turned around and walked out of the room, phil let out a low wolf whistle.

"i'm sure any guy wouldn't mind getting their hands on her, eh?" phil asked nudging dan playfully.

dan laughed and raised an eyebrow. "you swing that way?"

phil shrugged. "no, i hit home runs in that field."

dan rolled his eyes, ignoring the oddly disappointed feeling in his chest.

"smooth."

"i try."

dan turned to him as he opened a band aid. "what color are your tears again?"

"orange?" phil asked, a questioning tone in his voice. "why do you ask?"

dan shook his head, looking back down at his band aid and grinning. "no reason. never mind."

"well, there's clearly a reason." phil shifted closer. "i'd like to know that reason."

as if on instinct, dan immediately scooted away. his trust issues were still too big. it was a natural habit for him to back away whenever someone got too close.

physically and emotionally.

"it's- it's just that.. oh, i don't know. you seem more like someone with.. fuchsia tears, maybe?"

phil bust out laughing.

"you think i'm naturally lustful? well, shit dan! can't a guy call a lady hot and not be thought of as some man whore?" phil raised an eyebrow. "same goes for girls too. can't a girl call some guy hot without being poked at about being 'slutty'?"

dan immediately went bright red. "n-no! that's not what i'm saying-"

phil interrupted him. "calm down dan, just freakin' you out a little. i know you weren't implying that." he gave him a crooked smile. "so- any other specific personality or tear color you want to deem me as?"

dan nervously chuckled. "actually..."

phil groaned. "oh, you actually do. wow. what is it?"

dan awkwardly laughed. "i was thinking maybe.. green?"

phil started laughing again.

"arrogant? cocky? easily jealous? sure, maybe some of that, but otherwise? not at all. i've got orange tears, danny. you might as well call me mr. brightside." he got up and walked across the room to adjust his hair in the mirror.

"was that a killers reference?" dan asked, perking up a bit.

phil turned to him, an expression of slight shock, but mostly happy surprise on his face. "you listen to them?"

dan laughed. "of course! those guys are the best. mr. brightside's a bit of a more.. may i say- mainstream kind of song? but i feel like you may actually be a fan."

phil's smile grew wider. "i am! they're one of my favorites. what's your favorite song from them?"

"shit." dan replied, lying down on the uncomfortable nurses office bed. "i don't think it's possible to have a favorite, to be honest."

to dan's total surprise, phil casually walked over and laid down next to him. "i get you. they're pretty amazing." he turned his head, making eye contact with dan, the tips of their noses touching slightly. "what other bands do you like?"

dan ignored how hot his cheeks were getting as he replied: "muse?"

phil grinned. "hell yes."

dan laughed. "wow." he turned his head, back to looking up at the ceiling. "this is nice."

"what is?" He heard Phil ask.

dan closed his eyes as he replied. "having a normal conversation with someone. it's nice."

"do you normally not have conversations like these? i know you have a few friends, dan. i've seen you around.

dan nodded to himself. "oh, sure.. but.. well- i guess- i just don't know. you're  different. talking to you is different. but- a good different! it's just th-that-"

"woah there, woah. calm down. i get it." phil said, smiling slightly. "you're definitely one to get flustered, huh?"

dan blushed a little and looked down at his hands in his lap. "i guess."

they sat in silence for a few minutes. dan stole a few glances at phil, and he looked as if he was thinking. he had his brows furrowed and seemed to be conflicted about something. dan could ask what was up, but he decided against it, being the painfully awkward person he was.

"hey." phil nudged him.

"what?"

"do you consider us friends?"

the question struck dan. sure, he had friends, and they were great. but he hadn't made a new one in a while. and he'd never been friends with someone like phil. so, the question naturally made him nervous.

"you seem like you're overthinking this." phil said, a few minutes later. "are you.." he paused. "are you scared?"

dan shook his head, but he knew he was lying. he felt as if phil knew too. dan was terrified. never having many friends for most of his life took a toll on him, and with naturally being sad all the time on top of it never made anything better. every day was a bad day for him growing up, until he'd met louise and eased into his small group of friends over time.

"dan.. listen." phil started, sounding serious. "i wont be evil to you. i want to help you. i want to make you happy. or at least, happier. i don't know why, but i just- i just feel like i need to do it. i need to make you a better person! i feel like you really want something like that. don't you?"

dan slowly nodded. "i've always wanted that." he said quietly.

"then the first step to that is trusting me."

"..."

"can you trust me?"

"..."

"dan..?"

"yeah."

i can try.

•-•
A/N:
wish conversinginconverse a happy belated birthday :,)

yeah lmao that's basically it ok ok ok bye

~🌙