tears - phan AU❁ (EDITING)

2.5

first you inspect me,
then you dissect me
then you reject me
i wait for the day
that you'll resurrect me.
•-•

dan and phil were laying down next to each other, spread out on green grass, staring up at the perfectly blue sky.

phil pointed to a cloud. "that one looks like a dog on a tricycle."

"phil- it's a fucking snake with sunglasses."

".. you must be blind."

dan laughed lightly, rolling his eyes to himself. the two boys were silent for a few moments longer, staring up in awe before phil spoke up.

"dan?"

"hm?"

"what do you think about fear? about being scared of things, or being terrified of the future?"

dan chuckled. "well- that's a random and rather deep question."

phil shrugged. "i like to hear things from other people's perspective."

dan thought for a moment before replying. "they say, 'there is nothing to fear more than fear itself.' yet in our world, that's not true. many things are worse than fear. the truth, for me, in those words are a warning that fear can change who we are inside, make us compromise where we should stand firm."

dan then turned to phil, interest in his eyes. "is our love for one another only  in our 'anthems' or do we mean it? would we feed the hungry? home the homeless? if not, why not? what do we fear that keeps us from being the angels of our better natures? who the hell put that fear in our hearts and minds?"

dan shook his head to himself. "a lot of people spend their lives pondering, pacing, and worrying about the smallest things. why is it today, that whenever something big comes up, we as humans think of the worst to happen first, phil? fear wrecks people. i don't want anything to do with it."

"so- you basically hate fear and its existence." phil stated, also turning towards dan and making eye contact with him.

dan nodded.

phil studied him for a moment before the corners of his lips quirked up. dan raised his eyebrows as he watched phil's smile grow wider and wider. he furrowed them when phil let out a small laugh.

"what's funny about that?" dan asked.

"oh, it's just..." phil laughed again, his smile reaching his eyes. "it's just that fear isn't something you should even bother hating."

dan shot phil a look. "i'm not following."

"well.." phil turned away from dan, looking back up at the sky. "fear is thought of to be shackles. a knife in the gut, slowly twisting itself. fear is expected to be a constant hammer on the head. but here's the thing- fear can also evaporate like water under an early summer sun. when fear comes, you just need to walk with confidence right past."

phil turned back to dan, making eye contact with him once again, a smaller smile on his face now.

"because like the ghosts of children's nightmares, fear is only an illusion."

dan turned his head back up to the sky, lost in thought. "so- you're saying people should just ignore fear?"

"no, i'm just saying that overcoming it is a lot easier than people think." phil replied, running his fingers through his hair absentmindedly.

dan nodded in agreement. "i- i guess it is, isn't it?"

phil sighed contentedly before grinning and pointing up at a cloud. "dan- what does that one look like?"

"what one? i don't see- oh." dan smiled too.

"what is it, dan? tell me what it is."

"it's a fucking teardrop."

phil laughed. "that's the most coincidental thing, isn't it?"

dan kept smiling as phil casually intertwined their fingers, humming softly.

"hey phil?"

"yeah?"

"thank you. for.. y'know. everything."

phil stopped humming for a moment. both of the boys were silent, before he cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak. but to dan's surprise, phil started softly singing instead.

'hold me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you cast."

suddenly, phil stood up and held out his hand. dan took it, yelping when phil quickly pulled him up, positioning dan's hands on his shoulders and his own hands on dan's hips.

"this is la vie en rose."

slowly, dan and phil swayed, the grass crinkling underneath their feet. the sun seemed to shine brighter and the clouds seemed to dance and swing along with them. phil continued to sing.

"when you kiss me heaven sighs, and though i close my eyes, i see la vie en rose."

dan stumbled, falling into phil's chest. instead of steadying him, phil tightened his grip on the boy in front of him, kissing him on the top of his head and continuing to sway.

now it was phil who was surprised, as dan started singing the next verse of the song.

"when you press me to your heart, i'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom."

phil cleared his throat, singing the rest of the song with him.

"and when you speak angels sing from above,
everyday words seem to turn into love songs.
give your heart and soul to me,
and life will always be
la vie en rose."

dan pulled away, his hands still steadied on phil's shoulders and phil's hands still tightly holding onto dan's hips.

dan spoke up. "well- that was incredibly cheesy."

phil tossed his head back and laughed, his eyes squeezing shut and his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

"dan howell, you've changed."

dan smiled up at the sky.

"i hope."

finished.