tears - phan AU❁ (EDITING)

1.9

you've got a lot of nerve,
i've got a little time.
so try to make it hurt,
it's nothing that i haven't heard a thousand times.
- "the nerve" the brobecks
•-•

running into phil lester on dan howell's walk was something he was not happy about in the slightest.

running into dan howell on phil lester's walk was something he was completely satisfied with altogether.

as soon as the two made eye contact, both reactions were different. dan's eyes widened in realization before spinning around on his heel and rushing away, in no mood to talk to the boy in front of him. phil's eyes lit up, immediately picking up his pace to get to dan faster.

dan picked up his pace, starting to run. phil followed after him, going faster to catch up with him.

in this moment, phil couldn't help but want to laugh. here he was, being so desperate he had to chase dan, jumping over fences and stumbling over plants.

dan eventually slowed in exhaustion, which gave phil one last pump of adrenaline. what he did next surprised them both.

instead of calmly running up to dan and grabbing his arm to stop him, phil lester tackled him.

he fucking tackled him.

it wasn't even phil's original plan—he wanted to talk to dan simply, to just go sit on some bench and work out what was happening.

it's funny what a single sudden decision can change.

because here they were, phil on top of dan, breathing heavily from the run, and dan bright red below him, and it wasn't a blush. he had gotten all of the air knocked out of him when he fell.

how romantic.

"phil! what the hell-!" dan snapped, pushing phil off of him with the last bit of strength he had, before sitting up and cringing from the pain that shot up his spine.

"dan! crap- sorry, are you alright? i didn't originally plan to do that, i just-"

"just- fuck off." dan mumbled, waving phil's apology away with his hand.

"ah- okay. dan, we need to talk."

"no, we don't actually."

"dan, please-"

"no, phil. we have nothing to talk about."

"i'll get you a milkshake."

dan opened his mouth to reject, but closed it quickly. milkshakes did sound pretty good right now.

"okay." he replied, rubbing his lower back in attempt to calm the pain.

phil didn't fight the smile that appeared on his face. he got up, offering dan his hand. instead of taking it, he rolled his eyes and huffed, getting up himself and stuffing his hands in his pockets. they both walked side by side to the diner.

•-•

after they had ordered, dan turned to phil with an uncomfortable look on his face. "okay, so we came here to talk. so talk."

phil smiled instead. "you look nice today."

dan scoffed, glaring down at his lap. he then looked back up at phil. "s-stop! i came here to hear you out, not flirt!" he snapped.

the smile hadn't left phil's face. "actually, you came here for the free milkshake, not to 'hear me out.'"

dan blushed lightly, mumbling out a weak "whatever." in response.

phil took a deep breath before talking again. "so- are you willing to listen and believe what i have to say?"

dan rolled his eyes. "i guess. just don't lie again, please. you seem to like doing that."

phil bit his lip nervously. "okay. well, this is where it starts-" and phil went on explaining everything.

he talked about his dad when he was young and the impact it had on him, how he'd grown up with clear tears and full control of his emotions. he explained why he didn't tell dan, saying he was always dreading and procrastinating the topic.

"but why?" dan asked, sipping his milkshake. "why wouldn't you just get past the dread and tell me?"

phil cleared his throat. "well- you always looked so.. happy around me. content. you may not want to admit it, but you honestly don't even have too. you seemed comfortable- like you were actually enjoying yourself. i didn't want to ruin that mood for you because i know you don't get to have it much. bringing it up would just suck the fun out of things for once. i'm sorry for not telling you, but i just want you to be happy."

dan looked down at his lap in order to hide the small smile on his face that appeared when phil said the last sentence.

you've got a lot of nerve, phil. he thought.

just walking into my life and wrecking it with your stupid smile and cute laugh.

fuck you, phil lester. fuck you.

fuck you for making me happy, for caring for me so much.

because now i won't be able to ever take you off my mind.

phil lester, you unbelievable prick.

"it's okay. i forgive you."

what have you done?

•-•
A/N:

sorry this is late, and sorry it sucks too. im unhappy with this chapter ffs,,

qotd: do you listen to the brobecks? (the band that plays the song i put in this chapt.)

aotd: hell yes 11/10 favorite band.

~ᗷᒪᑌ🌙

//not yet edited//