tears - phan AU❁ (EDITING)

0.9

he bruises and coughs,
he splutters pistol shots
but hold him down with soggy clothes and breeze blocks;
he's morphine,
                queen of my vaccine
                   my love my love, love,
                 love.
              ~"breeze blocks" by Alt. J
•-•

dan howell was walking alongside phil lester when he was suddenly shoved away from phil and onto the floor.

"oh! my bad danny downer." he heard a voice sneer. dan refused to open his eyes. he didn't know why, but he just wouldn't.

surprisingly, he heard the footsteps walk away immediately. he was confused. where was the kicking and spitting? what was happening? who was that again?

that's when he felt a pair of arms lightly help him up and walk away, one of their arms wrapping around his waist and holding on tightly.

dan wasn't sure why, but he just refused to open his eyes.

he just couldn't.

he felt himself lightly being pulled outside, walking along a little longer, then being sat down against something rough and cool against his skin.

"dan?"

dan opened his eyes, his breath slightly hitching when the first thing he saw were phil's pretty blue eyes.

instead of giving any sort of reply, dan looked around in silence for a moment, realizing that they were sitting under a giant oak tree.

the school day had just gone by, the nurses office talk had happened only a few hours ago. everyone was going home.

and there they were, sitting under a tree.

"dan? you alright?"

dan was snapped out of his trance completely this time. "oh, y-yeah. sorry."

phil chuckled, leaning back. "sheesh, thought you were dead there for a minute the way you were just lifelessly staring."

dan just shrugged in reply and slid down from the tree and onto his back, staring up at the small bits of blue sky that weren't covered by leaves above him.

phil lay next to him, but instead of staring at the sky, he stared at dan.

"danny downer?" phil asked, nudging him.

dan sighed. "yeah. i got it in grade school from some stupid group of kids. it kind of just stuck, i guess." he replied.

he turned to phil when he heard light laughter coming from him.

"wow. thanks for the comfort."

"oh dan! no- it's just that-" phil laughed again. "i'm not laughing at you, or poking fun at you. it's just.. the nick name is so pathetically funny you just kind of have to laugh. honestly, think about it! danny downer? what the hell kind of insult or 'mean name' is that?" phil's tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he giggled.

dan considered what he said. he grew up being called 'danny downer' and names just like it, but he never thought of it in that way.

and that's when he started laughing too.

"see? now you're laughing! it's stupid, right?"

dan only nodded in reply, still chuckling lightly.

"but really, dan." phil sat up, so he was able to make eye contact easier. "you shouldn't let them get to you. like i'm saying, it's literally stupid and all they want is a reaction. don't let them get to you, okay?"

dan looked away. "it's hard to ignore it when you're unable to handle your own emotions." he sighed. "especially when you're me."

phil nodded to himself. "sure, but i'm going to help you, so it's okay. i'll help you be happy, dan."

"hm."

"dan."

"what?"

"look at me."

"... no."

"dan."

"i don't wanna."

"i'll make you, then."

"what do you-"

dan squealed out in surprise when he felt phil reach out his leg and loop it around him, then looping his other leg around dan's other side.

phil was literally on top of him, and dan's face had never been redder.

"phil! what the hell- get off of me! what if people see? what are you-" dan quickly shut up when phil leaned down, having their faces close, and their eye contact to be as strong as possible.

"you are a wonderful person who deserves to be happy, even if people don't see it."

dan squirmed under him, feeling himself blush harder by the second.

"i'm going to help you accept that you are a fantastic person, and we are gonna make you happy. then we'll show the world how happy you can be. we'll prove everyone wrong, and show them what an amazing person you are."

dan just shook his head, clearing his throat anxiously.

"the first step to doing all of that? is to let me in, dan. let me help you stand up for yourself, let me help you get over your sad emotions. i want to do this so badly, dan, but you have to let me."

"phil. it's- it's impossible, and you know that. i- i was born like this, a-and i'm suppose to always be like this. i-it's my fate- or whatever." dan grumbled the last part in defeat.

phil grinned mischievously. "i guess we'll just have to make the impossible possible then."

dan just shook his head, but couldn't help smiling lightly.

"phil?"

"yes?"

"d-do you mind getting off of me? y-you're kind of straddling me.."

"oh. right. yeah, sorry."

phil rolled off of him, sitting up and immediately turning to dan again.

"just wait and see, dan. we are going to change the world together."

•-•
A\N:
iM SO TIRRED OK GOODNIGBT HAVE LOVELY DREAMS YOU LOVELY PEOPLE.

-🌙