Sabrina

Part Fifteen

With all this hassle that has been going on lately I’d totally forgotten I had a speech due the next day. I went onto my brother’s computer (yes I randomly have a brother now) and I saved one of his Public speaking assignments onto a USB to use for my speech. Sorted!!! Yay

I got to school and I spoke to my friends for 10 minutes or so. Lol, I actually have them!!! Yes, hmm. EMMA IS AMAZING AND PERF AND I WANT TO BE HER BC SHE’S AMAZING. ANNA IS THE MR BURNS OF THE GROUP, AND EMMA WANTS TO BE ANNAS SKINNERZ. SOPHIE IS ROSS FROM FRIENDS IN A NUTSHELL, AND ROSIE IS CHANDLER. CARLA IS CRAZY SHE TOTEZ YELLZ AT PEPES ALL DA TYM AND JO IS ALWAYS SELLIN CHOCOLATES BUT WHEN I SEE HER SHES TOTES NICE AND CUTE!!!1 After ten minutes, I had to run off to do my speech in front of the whole of year 11! Omfg the excitement!

I breathed in, taking one last glance at the hundreds of faces before me in the crowded and stuffy school auditorium, and then stepped up onto the podium. I was holding a crumpled piece of paper in my hands with words scribbled on almost every inch of it; my speech. Clearing my throat I managed to spit out a “Good afternoon ladies and gentleman” but I felt so incredibly nervous that my voice sounded like a strangers. It was higher than usual and sounded flemmy and mumbley. I squeezed my hands into tight fists and then let them go. I then repeated this continuously, not even realising I was using a trick to get your adrenalin pumping that my father had taught me before my year five oral. Oral sex, that was. I had to keep my boif at the time happy somehow!  After what seemed an eternity, but really was less than 10 seconds, I stopped stalling and spoke up. Clearing my throat, I delivered the first line of my speech.

“I can’t remember the moment when I changed my mind about who I was,” I said faster than I had anticipated. Wanting to stop and give up, I paused and looked up. Everyone was staring at me, intrigued. I knew I needed to continue, and so I did.

“I think it took a long period time for me to realise and accept that everything I had dreamt of in regards to my future as a kid was not going to be the case in my life as an adult. I wasn’t going to marry a woman. I wasn’t going to have children through natural conception..."

After saying that, I stopped myself. What the fuck was this speech? Why the fuck was I saying this? What the fuck was my brother writing speeches about. Everyone was laughing uncontrollably, and so just for the LOLS I decided to continue this speech.

"I wasn’t going to get on well with my father and mother. The things I had always just assumed would be a part of my adult life were not going to be. That just wasn’t who I was and eventually I had come to accept this. I had come to accept that I was gay; that I would not have a wife because I was not sexually attracted to women; that I would not conceive a child through natural conception because it simply wouldn’t be possible; that I wasn’t going to get on well with my parents because they wouldn’t accept me for who I was. I am gay and I cannot change that about myself. It definitely took some time to come to terms with my sexuality and for those around me to also digest it and wrap their heads around it but I came out on top in the end and I became a happier person through accepting who I was.  I lost some friends along the way. I lost my relationship with my father. I lost a lot of people in my life.  But I can’t change them, and I can’t change the way I am. I’ve had to just accept the fact that those people are no longer in my life. I can’t change who I am just to make them happy and I am not going to try ever again to be someone I am not. LOL THANKS, ttyl guiz thankz for listenin”  

That was by far the oddest speech of my entire life. But hey, I walked away, certain it'd be enough to pass at least.