dysfunction ➳ l.s ✔

18. No Control

[trigger warning: attempted suicide]

Zayn lectured Harry pointlessly. Every word that spat out of the older man's mouth was irrelevant now, it was all about Louis. Harry felt numb. The boy stared blankly at the yelling man, he had only one thing running through his mind -- he lost Louis. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing. 

"For heaven's sake, Harold are you even listening to me?" Zayn asked. Harry continued to stare solemnly. 

"You don't need to worry, I've ruined it. We're done,  I'm done. You can stop now," Harry croaked out a response and his body ached. 

"Go to your room, you're grounded." Zayn sighed.

The week that passed was devastating and Zayn had no idea what to do to help his stepson. Harry refused to leave his room, he barely ate, he skipped school and he wasn't talking anymore. Zayn was in such a panic he'd forgotten how to groom himself properly, the hair across his face being a clear giveaway of his neglectful stress. He invited Niall over on the fifth day, disregarding Harry's punishment all together. 

Niall struggled with getting Harry to cheer up as well, he tried anything he could think of to help the boy. He tried chess, movies, food, even a book club but to no avail, Harry was still unhappy. Unhappy was definitely an understatement, Harry was dazed, crushed, distressed, shattered.

Eventually the blonde resorts to just talking to Harry about his own life. Harry learned that Niall spent a lot of the past week at Louis' house with Liam. Niall claimed to have a slight crush on the blind boy and Harry didn't say it but he found the whole situation quite cute. Though, Harry only wanted to hear about what Louis was up to. Niall suspected just that as he began telling Harry that Louis was hardly ever home but whenever he was, he'd ask about Harry. All the mute boy could register was the fact that Louis was hardly ever around. Is there someone else?  Harry felt sick, he felt sick and he wanted to be alone. 

After Niall left that night, Harry knew what he had to do. He knew what any heroine would do in a situation like this. He dimmed his bedroom lights, walked over to the stereo and played his favorite song for times like this. 

Harry stood by his window and let the music settle in as his tears came down. Harry had made suicide attempts before, well he'd at least considered it. After his mother's death, he had no motivation, no desire to be on earth. He'd been so young yet his heartbreak was of one who'd been wronged their entire life. You're mom left you because she knew you'd grow up to be a failure.

Harry opened his window wide enough for the brisk air to hit his porcelain skin, the residue of tears attracting a chilly breeze against his small face. He'd been so exposed, he hadn't realized it but he'd spent his entire life growing up too fast. Every year before he was seven, he spent worrying about his mother's health. Every year after eight, he'd spent depressed and lonely. Every second of thirteen was spent with Louis, it seemed. His safety, his breath of fresh air, his love. The love he was too young to have, though he'd never understand this. He'd spent so many years being torn from childhood that Louis seemed to be his only positive. Nevertheless,  Louis was gone now. Harry cried, opening the pill bottle with a snap. The cap fell to the floor and he choked out a sob. Louis wants nothing to do with you. 

Harry poured an excess of pills into surprisingly large hands and shoved them into his mouth. The pills felt like mono-shaped hard candy to him, rubbing his tongue and aching in his mouth from lack of room.  A sob caused a few pills to fall from his mouth and drool slid from his lips. Harry began crunching on the pills as best he could, he wanted to swallow them whole but knew eating them would leave room for more. His goal was to be effective, of course. You lost the only good thing you had.

The boy's nose began to run as he struggled to breathe through his mouth without choking. He managed to swallow over a dozen before taking another handful. Why does he not want me anymore?

Little did Harry know, Louis had been watching him all week. He'd hide behind the tree in his front yard and watch him through the window from one to ten every evening. Louis watched in panic as Harry took the first handful of pills before he ran to the door. The sixteen year old wanted to barge into the house but the front door was locked. Louis relentlessly banged his fist on the door, knowing that Zayn was home. 

Zayn opened the door in confusion, though his expression turned to one of anger at the sight of the snarky teen. Louis wasn't in the mood for banter though, he dove through the door under Zayn's arm and hurried up the stairs. Zayn shouted after him, running up to Harry's room as well. Zayn got a hold of Louis' arm and turned him aorund.

"You're not allowed in this house and you certainly aren't allowed near Harry," Zayn tried pulling Louis down the steps but Louis tugged his arm away with full force.

"I don't have time for this, Harry needs my help!" Louis spat and opened the bedroom door. Harry was laying on the floor with pills scattered on the carpet floor. Louis dropped at Harry's side and tried waking the boy. Zayn yelped, shoving Louis aside and reaching for his cellphone. The worried man, checked for a pulse and called for an ambulance. A note was resting in Harry's hand and it caught Louis' attention. He reached for it in tears, the note read 'I didn't deserve the love you gave, Love you, Lou'. 

 Louis tried to take Harry's hand but Zayn roared at him. "Stay away! This is all your fault!" 

Louis stood against the wall, praying his soulmate would be alright.

weirdox:

 It's been a while but what do you think? Story is almost done, there are about five or so chapters left. I should be done with Dysfunction by June or July of 2016. Also, if you're an active reader of my stories, what do you think of all the new covers I've made? I tried out a grunge-y theme. Hopefully you like it as much as I do! I've got so many story ideas and I'm going to be starting a few new ones once this is done. Mostly Larry but some gxg and other fandom stuff. I'd love some feedback :)                                         

- Love -