In love with my best friend

In love

"So what did you and Adam talk about the other night?" Katie asks, walking out of her kitchen and into the living room. She handed me a glass of the red wine, which I gracefully took a good gulp of.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mutter. I couldn't stop thinking about that night. How awkward it was when we gave each other a hug goodnight, when he kissed my forehead and said he missed me, the butterflies in my stomach when he did that. And the butterflies in my stomach when he said he wanted to be with me, when he asked me to leave Zack. I couldn't help but remember what I thought in that moment, because in that moment if he would've asked me again to leave Zack, I know for a fact I would've said yes.

Apart of me was praying to God that Adam would ask me that before I leave. I know it's wrong when I'm committed to Zack but God we aren't married yet! Why can't I ever get what I want? Well I know why, because the world and the universe hates me! It just hates my guts!!

Ugh.

"Okay than, we'll talk about something else, how abo-" I interrupt Katie. "I'm in love with Adam still." I blurt. "What?" Hey eyes were wide with shock. "But you're engaged to Zack? I don't understand you've been away from Adam for the past year?" I bite my lip. "Well you know how much I was in love with him before, that kind of love doesn't go away." I shrug.

"Did Adam say something for you to have these feelings again?" I awkwardly bite my nails. "He told me about a letter he sent me asking me to leave Zack and move back for him." Her eyes once again go wide. "God Allison you can't do this again! Adam keeps dragging you around, you've said it before, he leads you on." She point out. "Yeah but this time is different, he practically admitted he loves me and he's divorcing his wife and I'm not married to Zack yet so it's a perfect time!" I spat.

"I thought you loved Zack?" She asks, narrowing her eyes. "I do love Zack, I just am not in love with him. He doesn't make me happy and I know that Adam can, I know that I'll always and forever be happy with Adam. When me and Adam were just friends I was happy, he makes me happy." I shrug, sipping my wine. "I just can't help but think that maybe it's just too late." I add.

"It's never too late.. It's just that Adam made his choice when he got married and let you leave. If he really wants you right now he'll tell you." She smiles.

I sigh. "Even if he were to tell me I don't know what I'd do about Zack. He's back in Manhattan thinking that I want to marry him.." I mutter. "And you don't?" Katie asks.

I shrug. "If you can't give me a real answer, well I think you know what it is. If you don't want to marry him that's a good enough reason to end it in the first place. Not because Adam wants you to and you want to be with him, but because you know you don't want to be with Zack." She had a point, like always.

I didn't want to be with Zack, I wanted to be with Adam. I love Adam and I don't think I'll ever stop, I don't think I ever did stop.