In love with my best friend

Something I want

Dinner seemed to never end and after it was over, Katie and her husband went home, and as for me.. well Adam asked to talk. He sent Nicole and his baby home, saying he'd take a uber back home. We ended up walking down the sidewalks. Night had already fallen and the streets weren't so busy.

We walked for at least 5 minutes, neither of us talking. Although this moment should have felt awkward with tension in the air, it didn't. It was more comfortable. "So you're a father?" I ask, breaking the silence. "Umm yeah.." He nods, digging his hands into his pockets. "Why didn't you tell me? I mean I know we haven't been really talking and we aren't as close as we used to be a year ago.. but I'd at least think you'd send me a message saying; 'Hey I'm going to be a father...'."

I shrug, feeling a little disappointed. He laughed, harshly. "Do you not even remember what we fought about in the first place?" He asks. I shake my head. Must've been so bad that I only wanted to forget, and I did. "Well I see how much it meant to you because you clearly didn't care to even remember it only a year later.." He shakes his head. "I asked you to leave Zack.. for me." He says. I completely frowned, so confused. "No you didn't.. actually now that I remember it you just stopped talking to me all together. Adam you stopped calling me and texting! I kept trying to get ahold of you and you never once tried to get back to me.." I whisper.

"I sent you a letter Allison, you never replied back so I assumed it was you trying to tell me no in the nicest way you can. So I completely blocked you out of my life." He shrugs. "I didn't get a letter Adam, never ever once." I bite my lip. "Is there anyways you could've missed place it?" I ask, arching my eyebrow. "I don't know it was so long ago.." We continue walking down the sidewalk when I suddenly stopped in my track.

"Wait.. you asked me to leave Zack? For you?" I ask, my brain finally processing what he exactly said. He sighs, turning around. "I tried." He shrugs. I studied him, just standing there, both of us. I couldn't help but notice how miserable he seemed, almost like he wasn't fully alive?

"How about Nicole? And your kid?" I ask. "Back than I didn't have my kid, and well me and Nicole are filing for a divorce.." He mutters. "Wait, you and Nicole are getting a divorce? Why?" He laughs, straight in my face as if I was a complete joke. "God are you just so fucking clueless? Stupid? I've never been in love with Nicole, ever. Our marriage has never felt like a marriage, ever. We both want the same thing and it's to be apart." I nod, feeling a little dumb at that point.

"And as for me?" I ask. "As for you.. I clearly missed my chance." His eyes dart to my hand with the ring on it. I hesitate before I slip my hand under my arm, hiding the ring. "I'm sorry Adam." I whisper. "Sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for Bunny, I'm the one that ruined our friendship." I flinch at the name "Bunny" I missed him calling me it, I missed him.

I don't even understand what fully happened and why we had to end everything and why it hurt so bad. Why was I feeling so regretful to saying yes to Zacks proposal? Why was I only now regretting ever moving to Manhattan? Why couldn't I have stayed here and waited just a little longer for Adam? I hated to admit it, I hated to know it well being engaged, but I had never fallen out of love with Adam. He'll always be that guy who I want, who I'd choose over anyone.

Fuck my life. I always miss the chances to actually have something good for myself, something I want.