In love with my best friend

Actual Date

The week was passing by slowly and I felt like shit! Utter shit! I thought about sleeping for the rest of my life but I figured it was the same thing as dying and I did not want to die... It was a very confusing conversation to have with myself... So that lead to me thinking that I was mentally unstable, and maybe I needed to be in a mental hospital. Because here I was on my couch watching reruns of friends and crying every few hours about Adam and how I'd get to stand next to him as Nicole walked down the aisle.

The whole conversation with myself ended with me falling asleep on the couch, thinking too much!

The day after that Zack asked me out on a date, not a double date, just a date for me and him. I hadn't noticed how nerve wrecking it sounded. I hadn't been on a date that didn't include another couple in a few years. In fact I hadn't dated anyone in a few years... Not since I found out that I was in love with Adam. Maybe apart of me thought eventually he'd realize his own feelings and then we'd live happily ever after. But now I'm realizing I'm not in a movie and happy endings weren't real, at least not for me.

But perhaps it was time to get back out there. Adam was in love with another girl that he was ready to propose to and as for me, I was a utter loner waiting for my best friend to suddenly notice how in love with me he is, and come running to be with me... Only that wasn't ever going to happen. It was better to try and move on than have false hope. And Zack was a great option! I knew he already liked me not to mention that he's super cute and I find myself quite attracted to him.

In fact I'm pretty sure if I wasn't in love with Adam I would've realized how cute Zack was from the getgo and I would've had a crush on him this whole time.

Adam has always been a big part of my life, maybe he should stop being my world. I needed a life, a life that didn't include Adam so much. I needed to make some changes. Although a lot of stuff have changed since Adam started going out with Nicole, not enough changes happened. I thought about him all the time and I always found a way to see him a lot. I needed to stop that.

If I really wanted to try and move on, I needed less of Adam in my life. But I didn't want to move on.. It's more like I have to move on. Adam was going to be engaged and I was going to start dating. Eventually I feel like we wouldn't have time for each other.. But maybe that's a good thing? The feelings I have for Adam needed to leave, and to do that, he also needs to leave... Ugh!

Thinking about it all is giving me a damn head ache.

I was currently getting ready for my date, thinking about Adam, feeling stupid and lonely... And also a bit depressed. I felt pathetic. My teared stained face wasn't going to work for a date so I took a shower that freshened me up a bit. I picked out a cute casual date outfit and even out on a decent amount of makeup. I curled my dark locks and I was impressed by my reflection for once.

Adam would've been so lucky

I roll my eyes at myself. Adam wasn't the guy I was going. I needed to stop letting myself think such stupid thoughts! Ugh.

I was startled by a loud knock on the door. I wish it was Zack ready to pick me up, but I knew it wasn't. The only person I know that likes to bang hard on the door and calls it "knocking" is Adam....

Besides Zack wouldn't be over to pick me up for another half hour.

"Come in!" I yell from my bathroom as I apply my black eyeliner. I couldn't remember the last time I did my makeup or even got all dressed up! I wasn't one to wear a lot of makeup.. but I was proud of myself. I needed to do this for myself. I had to keep reminding myself that but I'm sure it'd get through my head.

"Hey." I can see Adam pop his head into the bathroom from the mirror.

"Hey." I gave an uncomfortable smile, turning towards him.

"How do I look?" I ask nervously. His eyes exam my body.

"Wow... You look stunning? Are you going somewhere?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

Adam knew me a bit too well, he knew I never dressed up like this and it did feel a bit embarrassing letting him see me like this now.

"Zack asked me out." I bite my lip, looking down at my outfit. I wore some jeans, a cream colored top and black heeled boots.

"Oh really? I thought you didn't really like him?" He looked a little confused.

"Well I kinda do, and I want to start dating." I shrug.

"Are you sure you want to date him?" I narrow my eyes.

"Ya why not?" He shrugs.

"Just wondering. He seems like a good guy. And from the looks of it, he really likes you. Just don't want you thinking that he's the only option tho." He says.

I have a small laugh at his response, a bit confused by what he was saying.

"Zack is cute, smart, he has a good job! He's kind and he's the only guy that's been interested in me in a really long time! So I'm going out with him and it'll probably become steady." I gave a small shrug.

He gave me a weird look but nodded.

"Alrighty then."

"So are you doing anything tonight?" I attempt to move on with the conversation. I did not need adams two sense in my love life. In fact I didn't need his opinion in any part of my life.

Distance. We need distance.

"Umm no. Nicole has work." I nod.

"Well stay here until I come back and we can hang." He gives me a smile and nod while I mentally cursed myself for inviting him to stay when I knew very well that I needed space and this was not space.

"You cool if I make some pasta?" He asks walking towards my kitchen.

"Mi casa es su casa." He grins while opening the fridge.

"I'll save you some as well." He says while grabbing out his ingredients.

"Also remember it's a first date. No need to put out immediately let him work for that shit." My eyes widen and before I can even respond or scowled him a small knock came at the door. I roll my eyes at the bad timing but force my feet to answer the door.

"Have fun!"