In love with my best friend

Frustrating.

Need less to say that my date sucked!! Not that it went badly. Zack was very nice and such a gentleman... But the whole date I couldn't wait for it to be over... All just to go can to my apartment and hang with Adam. Why the fuck was I thinking about Adam on my date?!?

Why was I allowing him in the back of my mind like that?

Zack had kissed me goodnight like he did last time, but this time the kiss lasted longer and wasn't as gentle as last time. I actually was blown away by how badly I wanted him to continue to kiss me. We stayed outside my apartment door for at least 10 minutes kissing. My heart was leaping in my chest.

"Thank you very much for uh giving me a second date." He says backing up. I blushed looking down at my shoes.

"Thanks for asking me out a second time." I gave a nervous giggle and he smiled.

"Do you think we can do it again sometime?" He questions.

We can do a lot more then that sometime.

I take in a deep breath, what is wrong with me!

"Yes! I would love that." He smiled showing his dimples.

"Sounds great. Goodnight Allison." He leans in and kisses my forehead. I watch as he walks back towards his apartment and unlocks it. I start doing the same and right before I was about to walk in I turned and looked at him. He gave me a wink and smile and walked into his apartment disappearing.

I walked into my apartment, seeing Adam on the couch watching tv well eating some Doritos. "Hey! How was the date?" He immediately sprinted up, sitting down the bag of chips and walking into the kitchen with me.

"Ah it was fine." I shrug, grabbing out the wine that he had bought me to apologize for not showing up for pizza.

I was trying to spare him the details. For some reason I felt it was best to though I wasn't particularly sure why.

I felt like I needed a drink and quite frankly I don't think this bottle of wine would do it. But I poured me and Adam a glass anyway. I didn't have any hard liquor in my apartment. "Fine? Just fine? That doesn't sound too 'fine'." He chuckles. He looked at me for answers and I suddenly felt uncomfortable talking about this.

"Well it was just a date." I shrug, handing him his glass.

"Are you two serious?" He asks.

"I don't know. This is our first real date." I point out with a slight laugh before taking a sip of my wine.

"Does it feel like it'll go anywhere?" He asks.

"Ya I think so.. I hope so! I mean he's-" I pause already feeling my face turn red. I stop myself from saying anything more. It felt too weird having this convo with Adam of all people!

"So when do you think you'll propose to Nicole?" I ask changing the subject. It wasn't really the best subject to go to. I hated Nicole with my guts and I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she would be marrying Adam! It drove me insane. "I was going to on Valentine's Day... But she has a meeting type thing in Florida."

I nod. "You're spending Valentine's Day alone?" I ask. He nods, taking a big gulp of his wine. It almost looked like it stressed him out. "So when are you going to propose?" I was curious.

"Probably before Valentine's Day." I nod. "Why don't we watch a movie? Like something scary or something?" He asks, changing the subject himself. "Umm ya sure." I grab the wine bottle and my glass of wine and walk into the family room.

It looked like Adam didn't really wanna talk about him proposing or anything. Almost like he was trying to stop thinking about it. I kinda wondered what was wrong with him. He seemed so excited about it when he told me he would. Not that I hate that he's not excited about it anymore. I still was extremely in love with Adam and I still hated Nicole's guts!

Not only that but I'm pretty sure she's just a whore. I don't know, I just felt a little happy that Adam wasn't happy? It sounds confusing but you know what I mean!

I sat on the couch next to Adam, grabbing the remote and looking through Netflix. It was odd how quiet he was being.

10 minutes into our movie and Adam grabbed the remote and paused it. I turn toward him. "Okay than.." I say under my breath. "Do you think she really loves me? I mean we've been going out for almost a year now and I don't know... Is it too fast to get married?" There was this look on his face. Maybe it was hope.

I knew what he was feeling. He felt like he was in love with someone who didn't love him back.. Only for me the person (which is him) really didn't love me back. "Do you think it's too fast?" For me it was too fast! I mean a year of being together is okay and if I wasn't in love with Adam I'd be okay with it, but honestly this whole "proposal" thing kinda sprung up on me!

"No." He shakes his head. I sigh, a very painful sigh. I knew what I had to tell him and it would just have to be my advice. "I think you and Nicole are great together, and I think she'll say yes to your proposal." It pained me to say it, but me and Zack would work out and eventually I would have to forget that I was ever in love with Adam.

My life felt truly frustrating at the moment.