Jump. //Jai Courtney Fanfiction

ten

Ayla

August 26th:

The last week somehow turned into me giving therapy to my friends and my fiance who were concerned about my past relationship. And I never in my life felt more like Carrie Bradshaw than during this whole time.

Why aren't we allowed to to reflect on a past relationship without feeling bad about it?

Yes it was horrible. Yes he treated me like shit. Yes he pretty much did things that constitute as rape. I should have gotten out. I was twenty-two when I met him. I was young and stupid, and a lot fucking changes even after a few short years.

So I can't take back that horrible year and half where I was miserable and thought that I would never find my true self. Well guess what? I did. Thanks to the help of an amazing human being who swept me off my feet. But those things did happen to me, and I can't take it back. What I can do, is come out strong as hell on the other side. And that's exactly what I did. I can look back and see that I adore who I am now, so thinking about all that bad shit no longer makes me upset.

Because Amanda, Clare and Jai were having these feelings about all those new details that I didn't feel were as shocking as they did, I decided to call a meeting with them at my house. I also told Kate to come over, and with Megan being the only one who wasn't able to actually be there at the time, I began an intervention that was absurd and entirely for their benefit, not mine.

What nearly caused a fight to break out was the fact that I said I may have not changed what had happened. Naturally they took it too literally and about had a simultaneous heart attack, until I hit them with some truth.

If it wasn't for Brian, I never would have been so dedicated to my schooling in order kick as much ass as I was able to do. If I would have broken up with him when I should have, I may have met someone else that was a scumbag, or met someone else that wasn't Jai. I may not have been in the position that I was in to meet him - and I hate the thought of even imagining my life without that amazing man. I may not have ever found my stronger, confident self again if it wasn't because of the timeline of events that occured over the past three years.

Three years. That's how long it's been since I have been with him. And I think I finally got through to everyone that I am over it. I came to terms with it a while ago, and I haven't felt one single sad emotion since since Jai has stepped into my life. Since he has been mine. Convincing them of that was basically me yelling at each one like they were my child. But finally I got through to them, as long as each one had permission to fuck him up if they ever saw him again, which I was all for. They can do whatever they want to that garbage.

They finally, finally accepted that he is dead to me. He no longer has any influence on my personality or emotions whatsoever. No influence on my life or whatever surrounds it. I told them to thank Jai for that. Because he truly made the real me come alive. I am not, nor was I ever, a damsel in distress. Just a fool.

Once that was handled, and Amanda and Kate left, I was still heated. Jai was still angry at Clare for accusing him of cheating, so I wanted them to make up. I asked Jai to tell his sister exactly what he told me, and not to be hostile when he spoke. I didn't listen to their conversation, but I think it worked. Before Clare left that night I told her how how felt when he told me. I told her that although he was worried about telling me, I believed what he said. What happened in his past was no concern to me. I only cared about his present and future. She apologized to me for everything, and then all seemed right in our little world again.

Now, since I laid the hammer down about all of this, my mind is consumed with the overwhelming excitement and anxiety of our practice opening in exactly two weeks. Starting this morning we officially opened our phone lines and have been surprisingly getting our schedule nicely filled. More than I expected for it being two weeks from opening. And tomorrow our ad will be three local papers, and on Wednesday two billboards are going up. I almost forgot about the local commercial that we'll be filming this Friday along with a radio spot. It's real. It's exciting. And I can't wait.