All About Us

Chapter 23

Alex's POV

I was leaning on Ray's chest and felt his heart beat.

"Why is your heart beating fast?
He looked down at me and smiled."Because I love you and you make me crazy all the time."

I blushed at his answer and bit my lower lip.
I should tell him about me.

But that thought disappeared when his lips crashed onto mine.
I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.
Ever since the day he asked me to be his girlfriend, I learned how to kiss. Well,thanks to my tutor aka my boyfriend ,I did well.

The kiss turned into a hot making out session.
Ray's hand began to find its way onto my chest and managed to unbuttoned the first button.

He stopped and broke the kiss. Both of us needed air .

"We should stop. And you baby,you should stop biting your lip like that. It turns me on."

I smiled and touched his cheek,lightly.

"I have something to tell you. It's about my past."
We sat comfortably and he concentrated on what I was going to say.

"I was a really fat girl before. Two years ago,I had Bulimia. No one knew about that,until Mario caught me once throwing up food when we were having Christmas dinner. "

I stopped for awhile to see Ray's reaction. He looked calm. So,I continued.

"My parents sent me to a small village in India for a rehab program handled by a church. I recovered within a year and came back last year. My parents cried every time they came to visit me. I couldn't stand it,so I promised myself that I won't do it again. And I saw kids starving there. I felt like I was the most ungrateful person ever.And because of my previous physical state,I has asthma. That's why my parents were being grateful to you. Because they knew that there's at least one man out here who appreciate their imperfect daughter."

By the time I finished,I was crying and Ray hugged me and ruffled my hair.

"Shh...it's okay. It's all in the past now and you're you now.  You have me and I still love you no matter what."

I cried even more to that. I guessed God loves me,that's why He gave me Ray.

I sobbed and wiped my tears away.
"Thanks for loving me,I guess."

He kissed me again and this time,I knew that I won't let him go,except if Ray wants to let me go.

"I have something to tell you too." He said suddenly after we broke the kiss.

I sat properly and was ready to listen to him.

"You remember the morning you woke up at my house and I said it was my Mum who changed your clothes? It wasn't her."

I gasped and frowned. "So,it's you who did it?!"

He smiled nervously.
"No,baby can you hear me out?"

I apologized and nodded.

"It was my Nanny Gail who changed your clothes. I was never close to my Mum. Like ever. It went like this. My Dad passed away when I was twelve. I was never close to any of my parents,but I did feel the pain when he died. I became a bit close to my Mum but not too close. I always tell her about what happened at school and stuff,but nothing too personal. I was the eldest, so I had to look out for her and my brother who was only four years old. As I got older,I began to have much critical thoughts. My Mum started to go out on dates and well,as a child,I was pissed off. But I bottled it up. That guy even live with us. I was judging him,to see if he suits to be a father to my brother. And it seemed like he wasn't qualified. And two years later,my Mum dated another guy. He's a married guy. I mean we're Catholics,we don't do divorce or affair. And what's worse,that guy was my friend's father. I'm not sure if he and his family knew about that,but I felt guilty every time I face him. And again,I kept it all up. I couldn't tell her that what she did was deeply wrong. And she's still dating the first guy. That is so wrong in so many ways. I couldn't stand it. I went to study overseas and came back to start my own business. When my business hit the top,I moved out with Nanny Gail. Staying in the same house drove me nuts. My Mum never knew this. Until now,she's still doing that. I went to a priest in the church, and he told me,this is my cross. I had to carry it and all I need to do is ask for God's guidance. And that it might be better if I tell her. But I didn't have the strength to. The world sees us as normal mum and son,but they don't know what I kept for so long. And until now,I'm still asking. But sometimes it drives my crazy. I always have the feeling to just commit suicide and just leave the problem behind."