Finding innocence (Completed)

Chapter 14

AN: people of earth, I apologize if this chapter confuses you or any other chapters. Feel free to PM me or leave a comment in case others might have the same question and I'll do my best to answer and help you understand, thanks for dealing with typos but please PM if you find any. Thanks you! :)

~ Nevada

Dear diary: yes, I know it's strange for a seventeen year old girl who already has a boyfriend who she can talk to him about anything, like me to have a book to write to even though I still struggled everyday ever since I became a permanent companion for Francis. Francis, he's everything to me. He's my Zieo, a person who I'm connected to, emotionally and physically. It's impossible to ever be away from him, ever since I made our bond permanent two nights ago. My Chaos change took a whole day! It felt like only an hour.

The way to make the Zieo bond permanent is through your "first time". It's a good thing I never got that far with any other guy, otherwise it wouldn't be possible for Francis and I to be together ever. Yesterday I had talked to my mother for the first time since she sent me a text saying she was becoming Chaos again by marrying the King. She had told me it was the only way to become Chaos again and that she loved him too. But Francis told me that if people study hard enough then they get the ability to change a human to Chaos. But he told me yesterday also that the person who studied it could only do it once unless they studied longer than they had.

This morning before I woke up I had a flashback/dream/memory. I had known Francis before I met him which was almost a year ago. Not even a year. But I knew him as a kid, my Mother said she thought he was just my imaginary friend. I talked to Francis about it and he said it was true, I'm glad I get to wake up to his face every day. His hot, sexy face that makes his eyes pop out. Personally I think his eye color changes by his moods. I remember at my old house when I was on the dock he was leaning in to kiss me. But that didn't happen because the wood broke on the dock and we fell in.

When he got me out he looked worried and his eyes were yellow, when I told I wanted him to change me I thought they looked hazel blue, like they lit up. His mom said she hasn't seen that happen since he was two, so I'm glad that he's comfortable around me as am I. Jocelyn -my mother- is getting on my last good nerve. She's making me go insane, saying I'm to young to make my decisions, saying I shouldn't be Chaos and she was super upset when she found out about the bond being forever now permanent. That didn't make me feel good about myself or my body at all. When it happened, it was so breath taking, so heart warming and if my mother can't accept my desicion that it's done and there's no going back then call me an orphan.

I understand why she's worried but that gives her no right to. I actually hope that I'm not having a baby, people told me that they were "created" on their mothers first time. It gave me shivers down my spine but I didn't show it, I just smiled, waved and walked away. Francis is actually hoping that I am, but I'm not so sure how my mother would think about this. But why am I getting worked up about her? I'm happy aren't it? Am I? Now I'm not sure, at first I was but- see what this women is doing to me? Now I'm not even sure if happy because of her.

Francis said that's normal, he said his mother felt the same way. It was my desicion and I'm going to be happy with it, even if I do then I know Francis would be excited and would help me. I wish my mother understood, she says I'm just a "seventeen year old girl who has a bright future ahead of her but just throwing her life away" her words not mine. 

I'm tired of feeling hopeless around her, if she wants to do that to me then I'm going to ignore her, I'm happy with Francis. Anyway, Hannah was returned home safely, the King is reporting the Foreshadowed lord to the so called "killing beasts". Thanks to them they've made laws for certain Chaos and Foreshadowed so there isn't a complete war and don't abuse the powers they have. The Lord could be out to death for almost killing a human, almost killing Hannah. And me, they don't want the prophecy to happen but they don't want me dead either. At least that's what their fire-message said. I haven't told Francis about their letter, nor do I intend to.

They wish to meet me. Anyway, I hope I can speak to you more comfortably since you keep my secrets and make me better. I hope I find a comfort in talking to you, maybe it would get rid of all this guilt I'm carrying for some reason. 

Francis just came in my room, explaining that something has happened to Hannah again but we're aren't sure and I'm scared. He's trying to pick a fight with me, and so I'm gonna fight back.

He just asked if I regretted being permanent bond to him, I'll just write the conversation and save myself from explaining even more worse since I've never been good with words.

"Why can't you understand?" He yelled at her which made Jocelyn jump.

"There's nothing to understand Francis, I'm going through hell because of my mother! Because of Hannah! Because of you! The way you do all these things it makes me go insane! Your always right, your so helpful I just don't know what to do with my life, it seems so easy" Jocelyn yelled back.

He stood there in shock for a heart beat, then his expression changed "babe, that's what companions do, they help and work together" he chuckled "and your mom is just being your mom, she needs time, as for you and I, I don't know what your proposing we do".

"We need a break, we need a vacation together or something, what did you say happened with Hannah?"