Salvation To My Stars • Kylo Ren [2]

XIX

Bellamy's Pov

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Neon lights flickered through the small, glass windows into the vast white dotted darkness of the galaxy. The vessel was a patchwork craft, built from almost an entire fleet of starships. It was made of complete scar metal from the Clone Wars and for some reason, I loved this ship all the more. I rested my elbows against a few glowing panels and watched the beams of lightspeed as we travelled through space. I tilted my head slightly and saw the stars. They illuminated the darkness and my fears crumbled to dust beneath my feet. The words, the lies, the hatred, the failures, they now lingered at a distance.

I killed Amar Gemini.

The killing part was my least favorite but it was a necessary chore rather than a pleasure. I played games with my enemies heads and I enjoyed it. I found enjoyment in torturing those who didn't agree with me but suddenly, this death impacted me. He told me my mother would be disappointed but she's dead, so her opinion doesn't matter anymore. He used to take care of me, feed me, clothe me and I took his life away after promising I wouldn't. What I did was unjust and now, I was feeling it.

No longer did I stand in the shadow of the past. Instead, I marched forward in hope of reaching the stars one day. I will push his death away and continue searching for Kal Ja, she will destroy anyone or anything that will try to stop me.

There is part of my nature that I keep in a steel cage. I don't know what it would take to unlock the door, I just pray it never happens. It's the part of me that is capable of caring for other people. It doesn't torture people or make sure that I am onboard a ship before my men are. It feels bad for the orphans on Naboo and the widows of D'Qar. This locked up version of myself would go to the ends of the earth to protect someone and keep their heart safe but that is why it is locked up. I will serve Snoke and be a pillar to the Knights of Ren.

"Issy?"

His eyes were the colour of a forest kissed by spring rains, the hue that promises to stir life from dormant seeds, the nascent plants guided upward by the light before blossoming into the vibrant colours of a new season...a unique hazel. I hated them with everything I had.

"What?" I snap. "What is so important?"

"Snoke wishes to speak to us."

My eyes widen. "Over hologram?"

Elwood nods, his fear noticeably visible. He typed in a few codes on the panels I was laying on earlier and suddenly, in a dim blue, Snoke appeared before us. I immediately drop to my knees and bow my head, Elwood straightened his posture and kept his head held high.

"What is thy bidding Supreme Leader?" I question, attempting to make my voice strong.

"The offspring of Ben Solo and Anakin Skywalker are attempting to rescue their precious fighter pilot," He explained. "Our spies have located their ships to be a sector away from us."

I can't catch a freaking break, can I? "What do you wish to be done?"

"The Resistance's numbers are bigger than what we have expected and now with the New Republic, we could be eliminated," Snoke bellowed. "Kylo Ren and Isidore Ren have become our weapons, you must slaughter anyone who tries to even touch anyone apart of the First Order."

"Yes sir." Elwood nodded his head, looking down at me. "Our ship will be returning to the Finalizer very soon, I'll go tell Captain Onyx not to take his time." He turned on his foot and bolted out of there before Snoke could say anymore to him.

"You've killed Amar Gemini?" He asked, making it sound more like a proud comment. "Did you find the whereabouts of Kal Ja?"

"Yes Supreme Leader," I confirmed. "After we defeat the Resistance, Elwood and I will go to Chandrila and find her."

"Good, good." He praised and I felt a wave of relief flow through me. "But I fear something."

"What is it?"

"Your midi-chlorians, I fear that they are becoming too loud and you are not able to push them away."

"I assure you Supreme Leader, my loyalty lies within the First Order and my feelings have been locked away since I was ten, they will not be making a reappearance."

His face remains the same and he doesn't buy it, I don't even know if I buy my statement. "We shall see...we shall see..."

His hologram disappeared into thin air and I let out an exasperated groan. I am Isidore Ren, I should be able to lead a group of stormtroopers, emotionlessly defeat someone from my past, not find Elwood's eyes perfect, be able to proudly admit that my midi-chlorians are being ignored, locate a ruthless bounty hunter and not fear another duel with my bro- Jude Solo.

There was a time in my life I expressed my feelings in a true way, but then I started training to become a Sith. I was taught that we can't keep crying like babies or feeling like Jedi, that we need to get a grip on our own minds and push any feelings away. Every negative or positive emotion is buried before I can even feel it, making me blunt and ruthless.

I know what the problem is, the space is getting so full, so much harder to ignore, and the disparity between my outgoing personality and inner pain is so difficult to bare. How do I defuse this bomb without triggering the damage I seek to avoid?

I have to kill Jude Solo either myself or let Kal Ja do my dirty work. He is the reason that these feelings are making their way to the surface and I can't have that.