Later that day, I trudge back to my dorm, completely exhausted. My mind buzzes, my newfound knowledge from a days education swimming around in my crowded brain. Though new information whirls through my head, one thought seems to stand out above the rest. Harry. I'm so confused by him. One minutes he's arrogant, the next he's saving me from a moment of panic. The next day he asks how I'm feeling, only to snap at me, and dismiss me. I sigh as I open the small wooden door of my shared room, deciding to shut all thoughts of Harry off. I was told to stay away from him for a reason. The second I enter the tiny space, I am greeted by an aggravated Naomi. She stands with her arms crossed over her chest, a deep scowl engraved on her made up face.
"Um, hey." I offer, setting my bag down on my bed.
"People are saying that they saw you with Harry Styles at the party last night." So much for pushing Harry from my mind. "Is that true?" She pushes me.
"Yeah, well, kinda. I got into a bit of trouble and he helped me out. That's all." I say, desperately trying to avoid any sort of conflict. Naomi rolls her eyes.
"What part of 'stay away from him' don't you understand? Harry's a bad guy. If you're gonna hang with him then you're not gonna hang with me." She hisses.
"I don't even wanna hang with you." The words fall out before I can stop them. Naomi is noticeably taken aback by my sudden outburst of impoliteness. She quickly regains her confidence and scoffs at me.
"Fine. None of my friends even liked you anyway. They all thought you were prude and weird." She smiles, as she strides out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Why did I need to open my big mouth? Yes, Naomi is not typically the type of girl that I would hang out with, but she's the closest thing that I have, or had, to a friend. I am suddenly aware of how gruesomely alone I am, standing in this stuffy room without the presence of another. I am left alone with my thoughts, and all too quickly they consume me, darkness slithering down my spine, and burrowing itself into every inch of my corpse. I close my eyes in an attempt to regain control of my shattered form, but all I see are his eyes. A honey color, bright and full of anger. I see his eyes everywhere I go. I see his hands, broken and bloody as they wrapped around my forearm, leaving deep purple marks. Familiar hot tears spring into my eyes, running down my cheeks as it all comes back. I could move across the country and he would still be with me. Every second of every day, I am the broken pieces of what he left of me. He keeps parts of me as I do him. My first love, full of hope and life. The happiness he brought me, and how quickly he took it all away. How it all came crashing down, crumbling beneath my feet as I tried to hold on to him, to us.
My head is spinning, and I reach for the door handle. I need fresh air. I dash out of my room, and down the hall. I push through the double doors, and speed along the grassy campus. I don't know where I'm going, but I hope my arrival is nearing. Tears still falling from my eyes, I receive sympathetic glances from those around me. I must look crazy, but I couldn't care less. I make a sharp turn and end up in an alleyway between two buildings. I am out of breath from walking so fast, and I slump down onto the cold concrete, a mix of sobs and huffing making it difficult to catch my breath. A cold October breeze hits me and I shiver.
"Bella?" A voice calls, and I intake a sharp breath.
"Bella?" They shout again, sounding closer this time. I know who it is before they even arrive.
"What do you want?" I snap, a new set of tears pouring out my eyes, as Harry turns the corner and enters the alley. He crouches down next to me, a worried look in his eyes.
"What happened? Did he hurt you?" I wipe my eyes.
"What?" I croak. Harry reaches out to wipe a tear from my cheek, but decides against it. I look down at his large hands, bruises and cuts cover his knuckles. Harry notices my staring, and immediately removes his hands from my line of vision, shoving both of his hands in his jacket pocket.
"Dylan." He says as though its obvious.
"What?" I repeat, feeling completely lost.
"Dylan! Did he hurt you?" Harry impatiently raise his voice.
"What are you talking about? Why would Dylan hurt me?" I ask, my voice regaining its strength.
"He almost hurt you last night!" He barks. I don't even know how to respond to him, why would he think that Dylan hurt me?
"Dylan didn't hurt me, okay?" I snap, lowering my gaze, trying not to cry again. Harry takes a seat next to me on the pavement.
"Then why were you crying?" He asks, almost sounding concerned. I rest my head against the brick building, and almost laugh. If only I could tell him. If only I could explain the pain that I feel each day, the fear the devours me every night. Then I realize something.
"How did you find me?" I question, lifting my head and turning it to face him. Harry opens his mouth, then closes it again, obviously thinking carefully about how to respond.
"I-I just saw you crying, and I thought that it was Dylan, so I don't know, I just.."
"Followed me." I finish his sentence. He nods in confirmation. I want to reach out and hug Harry, he is so close but it feels like there is so much distance between us, though we sit mere inches apart. I'm not sure if its Harry that I want specifically, or just comfort from another individual in general.
"Why did you care?" I mumble. Harry's eyes meet mine, and for a second I think he is going to tell me that he wants to help me, but instead he says,
"I don't."
Embarrassed and angry, I spring up from my seated position, and sprint away. Harry makes no attempt to stop me, and I urge myself not to cry again. What did I think, that he could be my savior? He's probably just looking for a reason to pick a fight with Dylan, and thinks I will be a good excuse. How could I have been so stupid? What did I think, that Harry and I could be friends? That's ridiculous. The only "friend" I had at this school was Naomi, and she didn't even like me. I decide to exclude myself from any possible friendships for the remainder of the school year, that's how I'm used to being, and am most comfortable. Other people just don't understand, and as hard as they try, can't seem to break down the walls I've built, guarding my emotions and deepest secrets. I also make a mental note to steer clear of Harry Styles at all times. I know that he is bad news, and I refuse to entangle myself in his web. Just the thought of his name puts me on edge, and I push all thoughts of him to the back of my mind.
By the time I'm back to my dorm, I am so emotionally drained that all I can do is collapse on my bed, and drift into sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Break Me-A Harry Styles Fanfiction
Fanfiction"And just like that, he picked her up and dusted her off. Without even trying. That's how their love was. When she was at her worst, he saw her at her best." -(M.M.) Warning: This story contains scenes of self harm.
