Break Me-A Harry Styles Fanfiction

Chapter 36-Helpless

*Harry's POV*

Something isn't  right.

The second that my eyes snap open, I can sense an indescribable shift in the air that almost suffocates me. Deep within me, I can tell that there is something missing, something wrong, but what?
I follow my first instinct, reaching my arms out beside me to make sure that Bella is safe. Only once I do so, the side of the bed that she once occupied is cold, empty, untouched. I sit up quickly, eyes scanning the dark room, dipping into each corner and crevice to find Bella's small silhouette.
"Bella?" I whisper, hoping she'll make her presence known to me, but I have no such luck. She's not here.
I waste no time hopping from the bed, hurrying out of the room in search of the girl I love.
She's probably fine, most likely just grabbing water or using the toilet, my subconscious tells me, but I shake the thought away. Something feels wrong, and I may be overdramatic or insane, but I can tell that she needs me right now.
I scurry down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time to reach my destination more quickly. Then, tiptoeing into the kitchen, I switch the light on, illuminating the large space.
"Bella?" I call again, desperation becoming more prominent in my tone. I wait, standing perfectly still in hopes of hearing her through the utter silence. No answer.
I release a disgruntled sigh, as I check the remainder of the downstairs, searching the living room, dining room, office, and even sneaking a peak in the backyard. She's no where to be found.
With each passing moment, I grow more worried, fear pooling in my gut as I try to convince myself that I'm overreacting, she's fine, she's safe, she's okay. Though, I can tell that she's not, I can tell that she's hurt, or in trouble, or scared, or sad, or something. How I know this, I'm not sure. Maybe I just feel a deep connection with Bella, when she's feeling down, I can sense it, almost as if an invisible string binds us together, keeping us both afloat, and preventing us from drowning.
I march back up the stairs feeling defeated. Did she leave? Where could she have gone? Is she with Charlie?
My exhausted mind provides me with endless possibilities of terrible scenarios that I try my best to disregard. Just as I'm about to stalk back to bed, a light at the end of the hallway catches my attention. The bathroom.
I make my way towards the wooden door, slowly but surely arriving directly before it. I lift my hand, balled up in a fist, and apply three quick taps to the frame.
"Bella?" I whisper-shout to the other side, hoping that it's her in there, and not member of her family. I don't receive an answer. I knock again, harder this time.
"Bella?" I say, a little louder, wondering if she can't hear me, or if she's just ignoring me. The soft hum of house is all to be heard, the lack of sound suddenly proving to be eerie and discomforting.
"Bella!" I kick the door with my bare foot, probably doing more damage to myself than the wooden frame, but in this moment, I don't care. I try the handle, turning it back and forth repeatedly, hoping that it will unlock if I keep doing so.
I spend the next five minutes pounding on the door, begging Bella to open it, testing the door handle, then repeating. As well as my worry, frustration and anger cloud within me as well. Is she just being stubborn? Does she think this is funny?
Once I've had enough of the little game, I decide my only option is to bust open the door, not caring how pissed her parents will be. I back up, creating space between myself and the frame, then charge at it. I hit the door will the full force of my strong arm, releasing a grunt as I come in contact with it. The wood squeaks under the pressure, loosening up a bit, but doesn't budge. I try again, backing away even further this time, then running towards the door at full speed.
My actions are successful the second time around, and the small door gives beneath the pressure of my weight. It bursts open loudly, and I stumble into the bathroom, not expecting such a sudden endeavor.

That's when I see her.

The blood in my veins turn to ice, the beating heart in my chest stopping just as quickly as it started. From behind my lips, a noise of helplessness erupts from the back of my throat, resembling both a cry and a scream.

There she is. Lying there. Stone cold, and ghostly pale, drowning in a pool of red that flows like lava from the gashes in her arms. There she is. The girl I love. Helpless, barely alive, broken. With unzipped and exposed veins on full display, her inner demons bleeding out along with her hopes, dreams, and future. There she is.

I drop to my knees, splashing in a puddle of her blood, the liquid tainting my skin like dye. I lift her limp body slightly, staring down at her closed eyes, praying for them to blink open, and reveal the depths of her ocean blue irises.
"HELP!" I find my voice, screaming at the top of my lungs for the whole world to hear, because my whole word is in my arms, slipping through my fingers, and drifting away.
"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" I yell, and seconds later, the stumbling sounds of her parents' footsteps are heard dancing across the hall.
"What's going-Oh my God!" Marcus's voice rings through my ears. Bella's mother has no words to say, bursting into hysterical sobs, and dropping to the floor just as I've done.
I know I should cry too, but I can't. The thoughts in my head don't make sense, they're incoherent, and loud, and panicked, and urgent, and scared, and terrified. As I stand up, my legs are wobbly, like jello, barely able to carry my weight, and Oh God I can't do this, can't support myself. I hear screaming, and yelling, and crying, and sobbing, and telephones, and ambulance sirens, but none of it makes sense to me. Everything is blurry, time moves like greased lighting, buzzing around my still, and unmoving body. I can't tell if I'm breathing or not, but I hope to God that if I'm not that Bella takes my last breath, opens her eyes, finally looks at herself and sees all that I see, and picks herself off of the ground, participates in life, and finally gets all that she deserves and more.
Two paramedics enter the space, lifting my girl onto a white stretcher, then taking her away, and I think I scream because everyone stops for a second to stare at me, but I don't care, because this is all a dream, a nightmare. I'm not awake right now, and I need to wake up, wake up, wake up, and remove myself from this situation that I never wanted to be in.
They're taking her away from me but this isn't real, this isn't happening, not to me, not to her, not again. Everyone's rushing, and sobbing, and yelling, and hurting and the blood keeps pouring from her arms like a never ending stream of tears and I'm dizzy, and shaky, and terrified, and wondering how I'm managing to follow the crowd outside to the ambulance.
They load her into the back of the vehicle, shutting the doors behind them, and blocking my view of her. That's when the dam breaks, that's when the tears spill out of me like the blood dripping from her arms, and I drop to the floor again, crying, and shaking, and sobbing, and my head hurts from how blurry and dizzy and incoherent I feel, and I hate myself for feeling so much because Bella feels nothing at all, and I want to rip my heart from my chest and place it into hers, because then maybe she'll love herself as much as I love her.
I feel someone guide me into a car, but I can't see who because my tears are flowing so heavily that they blur my vision, but maybe that's a good thing because maybe I shouldn't look, and maybe I shouldn't feel, and maybe I shouldn't care about people because they're always ripped away from me.
I don't know who's driving but I know we're following the ambulance because its red lights are blinding me, and I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't know if I want to know. Bella's little brother wraps his arms around my middle, and cries, and sobs, and shakes, and begs me to tell her to wake up, because I'm the one she likes best, and I hold him tight and cry and scream, and wish that this God damned car will crash so I'll stop feeling so many things at once.
We get to the hospital just as quickly as I've started crying, and I try to follow the doctors as they take my girl from me, but I'm held back and told to stay in the waiting room. I scream as loud as I can, and try and fight off this man, as he restricts me, threshing and thrashing and pleading and begging for him to let me see her. I cry harder, as I fall limp in his arms, and allow him to drag me to the waiting area, where I sit and sob and shake and pray to God that I'll die before Bella does.
Bella's family all hold each other as they sit, and cry, and wail, and shout, and try not to remember the way Bella scrunches up her little nose when she laughs, or the color of her eyes, or her dazzling smile, and they shake, and their tears mix together to form one big pool of sadness and regret.
By now I've stopped sobbing, but the silent tears still fall from my eyes, and my hands are still trembling and I think of Bella and I think of my sister and how this is all my fault and how it's always my fault. I close my eyes and try not to feel anything anymore because emotions are just weakness and I can't be weak anymore because I've ruined everything and I just need to shut everything off. But every time I shut my eyes all I can see if Bella's pale face, without life, without purpose, then she morphs into my sister, and the blood turns to pills, and every memory that I've suppressed comes flooding back, drowning me.
I shut my thoughts off and I tell myself to breathe, because I can do that, because I'm alive, and my heart is beating, and my lungs are working, and I just need to focus on my breathing and nothing else. Breathe, breathe, breathe, inhale, exhale, repeat. Breathe.
Eventually I'm as calm as I can be in a situation such as this, and my eyelids feel heavy, and I'm drained of all emotion and feeling, and I need to sleep, and forget everything. I allow my droopy eyelids to close, and a bleak darkness encompasses me. As I drift off, I think of Bella's ocean blue eyes, and how I wish I could drown in them.