Break Me-A Harry Styles Fanfiction

Chapter 18-Explanations

I wake to an insistent pounding in my temples, throbbing more intensely with each intake of breath. I groan, and roll over, my head immediately hitting a hard surface. As I pull away I realize that it's Harry's bare chest, pressed against my own body in an attempt to trap the heat between us.

  What the hell?

  I try to think back to last night, but my memory falters, containing numerous holes. The last event I can recall is witnessing Harry's lips planted firmly onto Shelby's, and now here he is, in bed with me. Are we going to make a habit of sharing a bed? I shoot up to a seated position, ignoring the pulsing in my cranium before I harshly shake the sleeping boy's shoulders. At first I feel a bit guilty about waking him, he looks so peaceful and innocent in his slumber, but as I remind myself what he did, I don't have a hard time continuing my abrupt actions. His eyes eventually open lazily, blinking a few times before he offers me a crooked smile. My heart melts, but I need to remain in control, he hurt me and I won't stand for it. He needs to leave.
  "Hey." He croaks, his voice raspy and sleep induced.
  "Get out." I hiss at him, my voice full of fatal venom. He frowns, sitting up so he rests next to me.
  "Bella, I didn't-"
  "I don't want to hear it. You need to leave." He sighs, nodding in compliance. I'm surprised at how easily he obeyed my commands. He slumps out of bed, and my eyes follow him as he removes his crumpled clothing from the floor. My eyes travel over his tanned torso, ink splattered along the muscled surface. A perfect v-line peeks out from band of his boxers. My gaze wander up to his face, and a smug smile is planted on his lips.
  "Are you sure you want me to leave? You seem to be enjoying the show." He smirks. I roll my eyes, and stand from the bed, I am about to walk into the bathroom when a thought strikes me.
  "Please tell me that I dressed myself last night." I point to the pajamas sitting snugly on my small body. Harry's smile grows as his eyes flicker down to my chest.
  "I guess you could say that I assisted you." My cheeks immediately flush, a bright red color replacing the usually pale flesh. Along with embarrassment, anger grows within me.
  "I can't believe you!" I begin to shout. "You took advantage of me while I was completely drunk. You're disgusting!" His smile drops, and he raises his hands in front of him in defense.
  "I didn't mean it like that! I-we didn't do anything! I just helped you change! You said it was ok at the time!" He pleads. I shake my head, not believing a word he says.
  "You really need to leave, Harry." I tell him. He lowers his head in defeat, walking slowly towards the door. I open it, holding it out for him while he makes his descent. Just about out of the frame, he stops, and turns. He inches closer to me, and suddenly, his face is meters from mine. I can feel my pulse quicken, and my breathing begin to heavy. I attempt to hide my embarrassing reaction to his close proximity, but to no avail, Harry's lips curl into a slight smile at my response.
  "Bella," he breaths. "I promise you, nothing happened between Shelby and me." My mouth dries, and my mind becomes fuzzing, I am temporarily unable to formulate a cohesive sentence.
  "Can I please stay?" He whispers after moments of silence.
  One word. Three letters. I want so badly to say them, to let them roll off of my tongue with ease, and to shut my eyes and press my lips to Harry's. I want to return to the safety of my bed, and spend the entirety of this Sunday cuddled into him, as he pets my hair. They are about to slip from my mouth, when I am brought down from my fantasy. The memory of Harry and Shelby engraved into my mind, causes me to take a step back from Harry. I'm not even sure of my feelings towards him, and the fact that his one mistake has such a great impact on me, terrifies me. Maybe I am only pushing him away for my own selfish, and anxious purposes, but whatever reason, it seems to be something I do frequently. I shake my head.
  "No." My voice is powerless, and weak. I look anywhere but Harry's eyes, boring into mine. "No, you have to go." I want him to fight for me, I want him to refuse to leave, but he doesn't. Instead, he nods, and silently exists my room, and the fact that tears fall from my eyes as the door closes behind him is just pathetic.



*****************


  I walk down the long corridor, coffee in hand, as I make my way to History class on Monday morning. I yawn sleepily, and I take a sip of the steaming beverage. The temperature has noticeably decreased in the past few days, and the burning liquid warms my shivering body. The hallway is crowded with students, each one scurrying around to avoid tardiness to their first period class, completely disregarding everyone in their way. I have just about arrived at Mr. Brown's classroom, when I feel my arm being gently tugged.
  "Bella?" A husky voice questions. I whip my body around, turning to face the source of my caller. Green meets blue, as my gaze is held. A deep emerald stare sparkles down at me, captivating me, making it impossible to look anywhere other than their intense hold. Eventually, I bring myself to avert my eyes, lowering them to the plump pink lips resting above his chin. He brings his tongue in between them, wetting them. As he notices my staring, a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
  "Can we talk?" Harry finally asks. I shake my head, glueing my eyes to the tiled floor of the hallway.
  "No," I reply bluntly. "I have to go to class." I turn away from him, and begin to walk towards the classroom, which is only about ten feet in front of me, but once again, I am prevented from doing so.
  "Please Bella," He begs me. I am about to decline when I notice the sadness etched into his soft features. His forest green eyes fill with disappointment, and a frown is formed on his lips. The bags under his eyes are a prominent indication of his lack of sleep, and I can't help but pity him. I sigh, shaking my head at how unbelievably stupid I am for allowing him time to explain himself.
  "Alright, you have five minutes before class starts. You better talk fast." I cross my arms over my chest, doing my best to act cold towards the boy who had hurt me. He shakes his head, chocolate curls bouncing vigorously atop his head.
  "No, no, just skip History with me." He says as if its no big deal. I furrow my brow. Skip class? I could never.
  "What? No!" I protest. "We can't skip class!"
  "Why not?" He seems honestly confused by my objection.
  "Because we'll get in trouble if we get caught!"
  "But we won't get caught."
  "How do you know?"
  "Do you trust me?" His question catches me off guard, and I reflexively take a step back. Do I trust him? He makes me feel safe, and secure. I've allowed him to do things I've never allowed others to do, such as sleep in my bed, or even kiss me. That must mean something, but admitting it to him proves harder than necessary. He stares down at me, patiently awaiting an answer as I over-analyze the situation. I shrug my shoulders.
  "I guess." I finally admit weakly. Harry produces a self satisfied smile, obviously proud of his accomplishment. He takes a small step towards me, trapping me between his towering height and the brick wall.
  "Then you have to trust the fact that I won't get you into trouble." His eyes bore into mine, and I find myself unable to reply, far too mesmerized by the enchanting jade color. I offer a nod in response, and Harry quickly grabs my hand, navigating me through the crowd of students. I almost trip over my feet on numerous occasions, Harry's speed difficult to keep up with. We eventually near the front doors of the building, and I am pulled outside. The fall air hits my face, slightly chilling the skin. I assume Harry will release my hand once he's finished maneuvering me through the mound of people, but he doesn't. His fingers intertwine with mine, warming me immediately. A strong wind gusts, wiping my long hair out behind me, and I instinctively huddle closer to Harry to seek heat. I catch him smile as the space between us decreases.
  Harry leads me to the student parking lot, where his black car rests. He opens the passenger door for me, and I climb in. Once inside, he turns the keys in the ignition, bringing the motor to life.
  We drive in silence, the radio kept at a low volume, humming throughout the vehicle.
  "Where are we going?" I finally ask.
  "You'll see." He answers, a smile tugging at his lips. I decide to no longer question our destination, staring out the window as the car zooms down the busy street.
  A few minutes later, Harry turns the wheel of the car, and we follow signs directing us to Bradley Beach. My head shoots to face him, and I can't seem to stop the grin forming at my lips.
  "We're going to the beach?!" I ask excitedly. Harry chuckles slightly before offering me a nod.
  Once we arrive, I jump from the car, barely waiting for Harry to catch up as I scurry onto the sand. A fog clouds the air hovering over the dark blue waters, and a chilling breeze washes over the entirety of the oceanic space. I've always loved the beach during the fall, there is something so serene about it, the calm waters, and cold sand bringing me to a state of serenity. Besides Harry and me, the sand remains completely empty, a stillness stretched out for miles and miles. We walk in silence for a couple of moments before Harry offers that we sit. The sand feels like ice beneath me, and I bring my knees up to my chest.
  "Shelby and I had kind of a fling last year." Harry tells me after a few speechless moments. I say nothing, allowing him to continue. "I ended it when she wanted things to become more serious. Then on Saturday, she asked if we could get back together. I said no, but she didn't listen, she just kissed me without my consent." He explains, looking out to the waves crashing down on the shore. I allow his words to circulate throughout my brain before I respond. The only sounds surrounding us are that of the repeating actions of the flowing water, and the seagulls in the distance, calling out to one another.
  "I believe you." I finally say. Harry turns his head to face mine.
  "Why did it bother you so much?" He interrogates me.
  "What?"
  "Me and Shelby." He clarifies. "Why did the fact that we kissed make you so jealous?" There is no hint of smugness in his tone, only pure curiosity. I look back out to the ocean waves, giving myself time to think. Why did I care so much? What do I even feel towards Harry? Do I like him? I've never had such mixed feelings towards another. One minute I want to kiss him, and the next I want to be as far away from him as possible. Whenever I'm away from him, however, I find myself craving his gentle touch. I no longer have nightmares because of the security he provides me with by sharing my bed, and I feel genuinely happy around him. What does this mean? My head is spinning with all of the information boring into brain, coursing around in confusing circles, each one contradicting the next. Eventually I shrug.
  "I don't know." I mumble. "It just really bothered me." I am too fearful of Harry's response to look up at him. Beats of silence flow between us before he speaks.
  "I'm sorry that she did that, and I'm sorry that you saw it, but I can't read your mind, Bella." He sighs. "I need to know how you feel about me." I run my fingers through my long hair nervously.
  "I-I don't know how I feel!" I admit, my blue eyes still peering into the salty water.
  "Bella," He begins, and I finally turn to catch his enticing green stare. "If you don't like me, then tell me. I will leave you alone from now on." His words have a strange affect on me, tugging at my heart. The thought of continuing the school year without the comfort of Harry pulses an inexplainable sadness throughout me. This subtle reaction makes my decision, and I bravely hold his gaze.
  "I don't want you to leave me alone."  I tell him, his lips curling into a delighted smile.
  "Good, I wasn't going to leave you alone anyway" I giggle at his words, and he leans closer to me to move a stray piece of hair from covering my face. "You're beautiful, Bella." He whispers, inching closer to me. My eyes flutter closed as his lips near mine, fireworks erupting in my stomach in anticipation. The second his lips latch onto mine, my body is ignited, a heat spreading throughout me like a wildfire. Though I'm not exactly sure where this leaves our relationship status, I am certain of one thing: there is no where else that I would rather be.

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Twitter: @slamminstyles