One Way Or Another: Finding Niall Horan

Chapter 12-"Confessions"

***Niall's POV***

There is things I don't tell people, things only Millie would have known, but at the moments she isn't with me so I hold them in. My new Flat here in London is nice..and even if the boys are not too far from me and i'm with them like everyday while we are recording and finishing up our album, I still feel very lonesome. But I try to be as cheerful as possible so they don't worry too much about me. I may not be the youngest but I can see they are all protect me.

In my room right next to my bed I have a night stand. it has a drawer and inside I got a Lip gloss, the same one I took with me the night I left for the X-factor audition. It's Millie's..I have held it captive with me for a year now. Its now half full and a bit more dense than it was at the beginning, but I can still smell it and it tastes  just like her. I miss her.

In the same drawer I got the promise bracelet I was going to give to Millie last December, only to find she was gone. I got some folded notes from Millie, we went to different schools but we had this thing that instead of paying attention in class we'd write in a sheet of paper everything that went on during the day or random thoughts we had like for example "Algebra sucks, why do I need it for? I am never gonna be a rocket scientist, Ps: My teacher smells." It was so random but I kept them, the sheets of paper are no longer white they are yellowed and got smudges on them, but they came from her and I hold on to them like a life line.

I keep a picture on that same drawer I haven't showed none of the boys, it was from a sweethearts dance, her parents actually allowed her to a dance, it was from the summer of 2009. I am quite proud I was holding on to the most beautiful girl in all Ireland, she wore this lime green dress that was perfect contrast with the light olive tone she got during the summer, and she looked beautiful.  But I don't show it because secretly I'm embarrassed of I kind of look, I know everyone looks funny during puberty but man! I had these terrible blond highlights my hair was by far too long and next to her well...I don't know how in the world I scored her. She knew I had insecurities but she always made me feel better. Millie would always say how it was those little things that made me so perfect to her, that my smile was the thing she loved the most.. She would tell me it would light up her world, in reality she would light up mine. Out here in London is a bit different, I do get girls coming out and telling me I am beautiful and that they love me, and it always makes me feel so amazing. They don't know how much I love them and the beautiful one here is them. But I do get the random ones who think otherwise like the other week I was out with the boys and group of girls came over embracing us but a couple of them of that group of girls kinda tossed me aside. One of them the most outspoken out of the two girls told me.

"I am sorry but like why are you even in 1D? like no offense or anything but you are not as talented, nor as cute" I just kinda smiled unsure of how to respond to that. And I wasn't aware that Louis over heard her.

"Then you don't know what talent is and you have an awful taste in guys!" he snapped at her in all Louis fashion. A couple of other fans noticed of what was going on and kinda jumped at the girls throat sticking out for me. It got a little crazy but I still tried to defend the one girl assured the other ones I was okay thanked them but after we got home I felt sad inside, the boys all told me not to mind that girl ,and I smiled and assured them a million times I was  fine. But in reality I kind of hurt, I don't have that one special girl telling me other wise and it gets to me, but the lads don't know that.

Around my neck hangs a thin gold chain I always have on. This one is pretty much the most important, because hanging from the end is Millie's Ivy ring. It hangs there because 1) The ring is a size too small for me. 2) I rather have it around my neck close to my heart. Cheesy but true.

On Top of my drawer I got three pictures One holds a picture of Millie my dad gave me as one of my Christmas present, he said it was taken a couple of days before she left, while I was in boot camp. she is sitting on the ground with piece of paper that read "Go Nialler! XoXo" The other one is a bigger frame in framed is the note Millie left behind, like a promise that she will be with me once again. And underneath the note was the picture of us she left behind for me.