Counting Raindrops

Chapter 14 of Counting Raindrops

A light knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts to think about who would be knocking on a door at eight at night? Trudging over to the door I almost swung the door open to snap at them, but my words instantly dried in my throat like shriveled bacon as I saw who it was on the other side. Sliding Jayce's phone into my back pocket I quietly mumbled, "what do you want?"




"Can I come in?" His voice was soft and caring, like he had never hurt me before. Like he was my one and only perfect boyfriend that every girl wished for.




Struggling with my breath, my head unconsciously nodded as my only way to respond. My legs moved to the side so I could let him in, but I couldn't muster up the strength to say anything. I didn't know what to do . . . My airways were almost completely blocked and my hands were trembling with anxiety and other unknown reasons. My heart pounding against my rib cage, wanting so desperately to break free and attack him for causing me the pain that I still feel as it eats away at me every waking moment.




So as I watched him lean against the back of the couch, I could only stare at the floor, or other objects that couldn't breathe or emotionally hurt me for that matter. Knowing that I refused to speak first he decide to voice himself, "Ki-" quickly receiving a glare from me, he fixed his words, "Kat, the party didn't go so well. I know that, and I know I hurt you, but you didn't allow me to finish before Jayce dragged you off."




Jayce dragged me off? No, he saved me from more humiliation! "Fine. Finish your explanation," my snappy tone did me justice as well as the venom that leaked through my tone because Vance's eyes flashed with shock.




He cleared his throat then, "um, well. You have to know that I never did mean to hurt you, I'm trying to save you from the constant worry that you felt while I was gone to Iraq. And the sadness and grief that you'd feel if something did happen to me, I wanted to save you the suffering that could really hurt you." He paused to be sure that my ears were still listening so with an annoyed wave of my hand he continued, "I didn't mean for you to hurt that bad. I guess telling you then was bad timing because you hadn't seen me for two years. I still love you, Kat . . . But I don't want you to be sad or worried or lonely when you could be so much happier with someone else." He still loves me? I would have never guessed, honestly. Staying quiet like I had been, I knew he was starting to feel the anxiety that I did, but he wanted an answer, and I wanted him gone. "Kat . . . Please say something," he whispered.




I snorted at his words and him all together, "oh trust me, you don't want me to say something."




He nodded eagerly, "yes. Yes I do."




You asked for it.




"Okay, fine. You think you were doing me a favor?" I asked, "well guess again because the only thing that you did for me was cause me pain. I stayed up all night crying my eyes out because of you!" "And to think you deserved the tears." I mumbled to myself before talking back to him again, "I had to walk around school with my face hidden! Already knowing that people . . . Everyone was staring at me, whispering about me!" "The only favor you could have done while breaking up with me, but still failed to do?" My lungs nearly ached at this time, but I didn't stop, I had to get it out before I couldn't. "You could have broken up with me privately, but no, you had to do it in front of the whole grade!"




He was silent. Speechless even.




"So don't you dare say that you love me because you cannot love, Vance. There is no capability of love in you."