Love In The Lights

Chapter 26

Barbara's POINT OF VIEW

(1 week later)

i guess everything with Zack has died down but people are still surprised that i am not taking legal action against Zack but i can't help but feel bad because i did provoke him to hit me and then he did.. i know that isn't my fault but i can't help but wonder if i didn't tell him to hit me would he of? i still haven't spoken to Kendall and it feels weird without her in my life not being able just to run to her house and chat about anything and everything. i see her family out a lot and they always smile and wave at me and occasionally speak to me but it's almost as if they feel sorry for me and what happened even though i am okay about it all..

i wonder if Zack and Kendall are still in a relationship because i have a bad feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that she is going to get hurt either physically or emotionally, i know she will then come running back to me and i am unsure whether i should let her back into my life or not considering she made it so strongly clear that she wanted nothing to do with me ever again.

the days are counting down to when Justin has to leave for tour and i'm finding that the shorter the amount of days left the more i love him and therefore the harder it will be to let him go when the time comes.

i haven't worked in about a week Lacey says i don't have any jobs and will start next week for Jeffery Campbell.. in my contract it says that i am not allowed to work for any other company for 6 months until my contract with them finishes but i am not so sure that will be such a good thing... i will have a lot of free spare time which will lead me to thinking about Justin and knowing that i can't be with him. but then again who knows how busy or un busy i will actually be.

'Barbara can you come down here quickly?' my mum called me from downstairs 'yeah one second' i weakly replied as i threw the covers off my body and paused the film i was watching 'what did you want?' i asked joining her in the kitchen i swear my mum must live in the kitchen. it's the only place she ever is! 'so don't be annoyed at me' she said innocently which only made me wonder what she was going to say and why she would think that i was going to get annoyed with her 'what did you do?' i asked cautiously 'nothing! it's just that me and Josh are going on holiday to Cuba for a week' she said quietly her voice just over a mumble.

wait.. she is going on holiday without me? how is that fair?! 'what?' i asked confused 'we are going on holiday to Cuba for a week' she said louder and clearer this time 'without me?' i asked still very confused whether i am going or not 'well that's the thing we couldn't get you time off work' she said apologetically 'mum i haven't been working for the last week!' i said getting a little angrier i feel as if i have been removed as part of the family for the time being, i feel like i'm unwanted i know i am over exaggerating but i want to go! it'll be like old times me mum and Josh. 'Lacey told me no and i can't argue with her you know that' she said as she continued to clean the kitchen 'this is so unfair! when are you going?' i mumbled 'Friday' my mum said not looking at me avoiding eye contact.. Friday.. then it clicked.

Friday is the anniversary of my fathers death, a day we spend with each other every year, a day that we remember everything great about him and they choose this day of all the days in the year to go and leave me all by myself. i didn't know what to reply so i didn't i just simply sighed and walked away i was disappointed that they would leave that day.

i am always very touchy when things came to my dad, we were so close closer than me and my mum, we would spend almost every day together and be like best friends. i miss him, i miss him a lot, i miss him more than anyone could ever imagine, i feel alone.

i let a salty tear escape my right eye as i made my way up to my room. i turned off all the lights in my room and curled back into ball underneath the covers as i slightly cried reliving all the memories from my father but they weren't the happy ones that popped into my mind they were the sad ones.. from the day i found out he was ill to the day he died. every year this date seems to come around faster and every year i miss him more and more.