Breathing Water

Unrelated Author Statement

PLEASE READ
IMPORTANT MESSAGE I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW

Hello readers,
I was originally planning from the beginning to NEVER write in a personal way on here, in my own voice as a person rather than a character I came up with in my head. However, a recent event has changed that for me.

A boy from my school, my grade, committed suicide this past weekend. When I first heard the news I wasn't really very affected. I didn't recognize his name, I didn't have a face to think about. Then today I came to school and they made an announcement in my first class, letting us know that there are plenty of shoulders to cry on. There were councilors set up and ready to talk. Teachers were there for us if we wanted to talk to them instead of a councilors. Friends have the best shoulders. After the announcement a girl on the other side of the room started to cry and decided, after talking to the teacher, that she would calm her self in the bathroom, then returned to class. My next two classes we really didn't talk about it and continued on as if it were a normal class day. In my third class of the day two boys sitting next to me kept talking about how drunk they got but somebody didn't notice and it was a great weekend. They kept laughing and all I could think was 'How can you not think about the fact that someone decided that this weekend would be their last, on their own terms? Instead you're bragging about the wonderful escapades of two teenage boys in there last few weeks of school for this year?' I stayed quiet though and continued with class. In my next class I found out that the boy had an older sister that was on the gymnastics team many years ago. My teacher had been the coach at that time and had watched the boy at a much younger age play on the equipment. I then had lunch before my fifth class and that was when things got really hard for me. A girl I had only been friends with for about two years was a little upset about the situation because she had known him through elementary and middle school. One of her best friends, who is now a friend of mine, had also known him for the same amount of time. She ended up not being at school today. I don't know what the exact story with that is so I'm just stating the facts I know. The first girl actually had a class with him and it was kind of hard for her then because some councilors were going to the classes of his schedule and talking to some of the students. A few turned out to be really close friends and were really upset by the situation but were still trying to push through their day. As another friend joined our lunch table I learned that both she and her boyfriend were good friends with the boy along with some of their other friends and they were all having a really hard time. As she and I talked about it I shed a few tears and she was coming close. In my fifth hour the teacher told us to work through what we need to but try to stay with the class. As the class got started I felt myself becoming more and more upset about the situation. My mom then called me and my sister out after I told her what was going on and asked to go home. As I waited for my sister to join me in the car I couldn't hold it in anymore and took a moment to cry silently to myself. I then carefully drove us home to our mother. As soon as I stepped through the door I broke down and hugged my mom as tight as I could. Our dog joined in very confused by my sadness.

It is just so sad to me that as a high schooler, a teenager, an infant in life experiences and the world, someone can decide so suddenly and absolutely that they should not continue on with their life. They decided that they are not worth the effort. That they don't deserve to try. That they don't think that someone will come to them in the future and change everything for the better. They have no hope that they can talk to someone, that they can be happy, or that they are perfect just the way they are. I don't know the boy's story or his reasons.  All I know is that six hours ago I was oblivious to the pain of someone doing that kind of thing and now I want to do more to prevent it from being the decided fate of anyone else.

Also this is not the first time this has happened in my area. About a year and a half ago two girls committed suicide. The first worked with my older sister. At the time my sister stayed very strong around me, so I didn't really get affected by the situation. Now my mom tells me that my sister was very upset. The second girl was really close friends with the first and became very depressed when the news came out. Again I didn't know her or anyone that did so I was unaffected. When the news hit this time and I started thinking about it, I was really heartbroken. My school is one of the best in my area and one of the smartest, with a program for aspiring engineers, or web designers, or animators, or filmographers. These kind of tragedies are not normal for us. So when they happened everything became surreal and made me feel like I was living a nightmare. Now I am sitting on my couch cuddling with my mom and our dog. When the rest of my family gets home I am going to give them big hugs and make sure they know that I love them. I hope everyone can take time every once in awhile to do just that and make sure that everyone is aware that the people around them love them and need them. It doesn't even need to be the people closest to them. I was never friends with the boy, I never spoke to him, but I was still heart broken for the people around me that did have those connections.

For those that have read this far I want you to know two things: if you are being you then you are perfect; hearts/feelings are fragile and need to be strengthened by hope and happiness. Hope can be given by just simply saying "Hey, want to talk?" It doesn't even have to be in a concerned way. Happiness can come from simple "You're beautiful," or "You're handsome," statements.

Thank you for reading. I feel better knowing that someone will read this and know a story that might change their lives.