Grey //CAKE//

Chapter 5

Luke

I had returned home after the walk with Calum and only began the endless horror of over thinking.
I definitely liked him, but the thought of getting any closer frightened me. He was cool, but he wouldn't stay long, I know. That's how it always is, and just because he's maybe one of the only guys that has been nice to me doesn't change anything.
I sat in the corner of the bathroom running my hands through my hair, letting the thoughts attack me, the countless voices attack me.

tears began to stream down my face.

This hadn't happened for so long, I had medication, I had it all under control. But then I ran out of pills.

Everything was just building up. I was feeling things I didn't even understand.

I hated it. I had absolutely no control over myself .

My vision was blurry and the voices were calling me to the small wooden boxes holding my "escape"

To think I had gone from thinking about a clueless boy, to these god awful "treatments" that do nothing for my well being.

It'll end this all
Just do it, only a little is needed
Its not that hard

I shook my head and hugged my knees. I had gone without it for about a month now, I was doing so good. I'm better than this.

But then I started picturing it.

The lines scattering my wrists and thighs. Something about it satisfied me. No words could explain.

Maybe I was insane.

It's that kind of thing that if I saw it on someone else it'd disturb, but on me, it looks good, I like it. I like that my bones poke out, I like the scabs and scars around my body, it's twisted i know.

After sitting for 15 more minutes I couldn't take the headache anymore I crawled over and grabbed the box.

Just thinking about the new marks i could make made my mouth water.
I opened the box and grabbed the razor. I held it against my skin, but was suddenly interrupted by my phone.

I groaned and put the razor back into the box and crawled over to my phone. A DM?? since when did i ever get those..?

I opened it and noticed the user @CalxX I clicked the profile and... Calum Hood. Okay..

CalxX- hey wassup.
I didnt have your number and thought this was next best way..                 
shit pls dont think im creepy..😳😳
i promise im not😅

I laughed to myself a little and slowly felt my harsh emotions slip away and be replaced with calm warm ones.

Luke_is_a_penguin-
Eh I don't think you're creepy..
bit annoying, but i dont mind.

CalxX- ANNOying?? um excuse me
im hurt 😓

Luke_is_a_penguin- Im J O K I N G or am i ... ? 😏😏

CalxX- so.. penguins aye 😏😂

Luke_is_a_penguin- shut up, penguins are amazing

CalxX- whatever you say :))

Luke_is_a_penguin- um :-))**

CalxX- yo yo no, your wrong

Luke_is_a_penguin- yo yo You're**

CalxX- GeTOUt

Luke_is_a_penguin- :-(( okay

CalxX- No no come back..               
Pls.. LUkey ..
wait can i call that
:-((

Luke_is_a_penguin- HA BITCH i win😝😝

CalxX- as long as you're ** happy :-))**

I bit my lip and laid back on my bed. Shivers ran down my spine and i couldnt help but smile, all feelings of sadness had now escaped and now i was only in a state of Euphoria.

It was almost unbelievable, i had only met Calum today and i had felt like i had such a bond with him. Maybe that was because he was the first person to actually want to know me in so long, and be nice. Or just his presence, it was warming. He was so genuine, kind. Nothing as he says his family is like.

All night we texted. Sharing small embarrassing secrets and telling old childhood memories. I never realized having someone to laugh with was so nice.

Calum made me feel something different, i dont know if thats a good thing or not, but weirdly im not afraid to know, maybe Calum is all i need to see a bright side to this world.

Or maybe this is all a dream, and ill wake up to know Calum was nothing but my imagination playing tricks on me..

thatd suck.

But i dont know, this all seems to be going super fast, and that worries me, because i dont want us to crash, i want him to be my friend, i want to have someone it trust, just one person. Thats all.

Please dont be a dream.

A/n

Why why. why cute. Yo omg this week . holy shit. this kid that like idk i was getting with, got a girl friend.. and to say i was devastated is HOLY SHIT SUCH AN UNDERSTATEMENT but wow wow one day passed and im actually kinda over it, me and the dude are weirdly closer after and idk, i dont want it to change, he means too much to me. But wow idk today ive just been so happy, like its dumb to say but it was such an amazing feeling, happiness is a feeling I've take for granted so much, i never realized how precious it is. Like idk it was just a truly amazing day and im happy :))