Grey //CAKE//

chapter 24

Luke

Today was definitely the worst. I could feel myself becoming weaker and weaker. Not to mention the fact that I felt extremely sad.
Everything was attacking me at once.

I was hungry.
I was tired.
I was sad.
And most definitely angry.

I tried attacking the screw once more in hopes of it unwedging just a bit , but all it did was snap my finger in a very uncomfortable way and make me flinch. I threw the stupid keys holding onto my thumb and crying out.

I was never going to get out of this room. Nothing I did could help. I held onto my knees feeling myself become dizzy as more tears fell.

I needed water, yet here I was, draining the rest that I had out of my eyes.

I crawled to my bathroom, holding onto the sink to pull me up. I turned on the faucet gulping down water, as much as I could. I took a deep breath and looked into the mirror. My eyes scanned my features and I could barely recognize myself.

From the old ugly bruises, and gross bags. My eyes wandered down to the exposed scabs and scars on my arms, making my mouth water..
No. I thought to myself, shaking my head and looking away from the mirror.
No more of that.

I walked back into my room feeling a pain at the back of my head. I looked over to the side seeing the small box, hiding all my razors.

No, Luke. You need to get out of here. No distractions.

I took a deep breath sitting down on my bed.

It's been a long time, Luke.
I know you miss it.
I tried to shush the teasing thoughts in my head but they kept on.
It's not like anyone would see.
You're stuck here.
Don't you want it?
I do. I really do. I love the way it feels, the way it looks. I examined my arm. Feeling the bumps and rough skin.
"Just a few won't hurt" I whispered to myself.

That's more like it, Luke..
Grab the box.
I did as my thoughts told me to, bringing myself to a small corner.
Come to think of it..
why would you want to die slowly in this room?
"What do you mean?" I spoke to myself, fully aware of how crazy it was.
You know exactly what I mean Luke.
"But.. calum." I said .
Calum isn't here! Calum isn't coming! Did you honestly think any of that was real? If he really had feelings for you, wouldnt he of already came and tried to see you??
I felt tears build up again around my eyes "no.." my voice was wobbly, "you're wrong"
When have I ever been wrong?
You know where I come from, Luke.
You know I wouldn't of said it unless you believed it.

I bit back a sob and pulled at my lip ring. "I don't want to" I cried out, releasing the built up tension in my head.
Stop fucking crying already.
I swear to god you're such a wuss.
I continued crying trying to get rid of the pesky voice.
Luke you can't get rid of me. You know what happened when you tried.
"I just didn't try hard enough" I told myself, pulling out a blade. "I know how to get rid of you" I whispered.
Do it then, Luke.
Get rid of me.
Get rid of you.
You know that's how it goes
If I go, you go

I pulled the blade to wrist, biting onto my lip. With teary eyes I dragged it down.
I couldn't feel anything . I was just dizzy.. and tired.. and maybe even a little bit hungry.

I continued to tear apart my skin. Succeeding knowing that the voice had disappeared. "I told you I knew how to" I giggled to myself, looking down at the drooling blood, dripping off my arm . "Fuck" I leaned my head back against the wall. I was so tired.. it was such a mystery to me, how, after sleeping for so long, had I stayed so tired?

"Luke?!" I heard. I frowned, groaning.

"I thought I got rid of you" I began cutting more, deeper than before.

"Luke where are you?" There were feet running around the house but I knew they were only delusions, so I continued.

"It's not nice to pretend to be, calum" I whimpered, "you won't fool me this ti-" the door busted open and I jumped.

My vision was blurry and slowly tunneling in.

"Oh my god, Luke!" Calum called out and my eyes squinted.

"Calum?" My eyes were beginning to shut and I didn't understand what was happening.. was this a dream again?
Calum was dialing something on his phone , crying and speaking at the same time.

Why was he crying..?
Did someone hurt him?

I looked back down at my arm, blood was everywhere and I swallowed harshly. "Calum" I said softly.

He ran over to me, grabbing me into his arms and pulling me close, "yes, baby boy, I'm here" he cried into my shoulder.

Everything was spinning but I could feel his arms around me. "Why are you crying?" I whispered. Attempting to wipe his tears but I only spread blood on him.

"I'm so sorry, Luke" he choked on his words and my eyebrows furrowed. Before I could ask anymore questions, everything faded away.. maybe now I was waking up from this horrid dream.