Grey //CAKE//

Chapter 37

Calum

I laid on the bench press as I had been for a couple minutes and continued to push up as many pounds as my anger and frustration could.

My teammates could tell something was up but did as any person that knows how to mind their own business would and let me be.

I literally had to pull Luke out of bed today. He's acting like it's the end of the world when I'm just One person!
I continued to push harder than before.
We're only in high school, It's not like we were going to get married ! And honestly it bothers me that he's so god damn dependent, as if he's going to get help from that.

"Woah woah woah" I suddenly heard Zach speak and he grabbed the weights from my shaky hands. I took a deep breath and sat up. I looked at my hands and noticed them beginning to bleed. "What's going on? You've been going at it since we've got in here and you don't even seem phased?"

I stared down and shrugged, "things just haven't been that easy"

"Wanna talk about it?" My eyebrows furrowed and I looked at him, his usual confident brown eyes had softened from his sympathy. I couldn't help but laugh and he joined. "Cmon Calum, I'm serious"

"I know I just can't believe you are." I smiled at him, "it's my boyfriend.... well my ex.. I guess" my voice faltered and I scratched the back of my neck.

"You guys broke up?" He asked.

"Yeah.. he's going through a lot and I'm clearly not helping at all." I put my hands in my hair, "and it's just so frustrating!!! For nothing to work despite your efforts"

"Yeah, that's sounds shitty. I really thought y'all were gonna last" I looked at him a little confused.

"Yeah I guess, he just has a complicated past that no one seems to get over." I moved away slightly, to give us both some more space.

"Dude, for real, the people that believe and spread that shit are chumps with no life, it's nothing to worry about"

"I don't worry about it! He does, he just has all these little things in his head that he can't control and I don't understand how to help!" I felt my hands start to shake in anger yet again.

"So you just... decided to leave him because of that?" Zach asked and everything suddenly fell silent for me. "Cal what if he doesn't understand it either? I could imagine that shit wouldn't be easy"

"It's not easy, but that doesn't grant you the ability to skip school, drink your liver away and treat your boyfriend like shit" I felt angry that Luke just has an excuse for everything he does, it's not fair. But it makes me more angry that what Zach was saying made sense, more importantly, made me feel guilty.

Zach stayed quiet and I rolled my eyes, "whatever man"

"Dude stop," he spoke grabbing my arm before I left, "just listen to me when I tell you this, if you really care about him, and really want to help him, don't distance yourself from him. Trust me, I know about this." He spoke with such a deep sincerity it almost hurt, all I could do was nod, my lips pressed together into a frown.
He put his hand on my shoulder, "I know you care about him. Don't make the same mistake I did"

It wasn't any news to know that Zach was a huge player when it came to the ladies but I never thought that maybe he was that way to search for the feeling he once had with someone, but ruined. I didn't want that to be me.

I grabbed him into a hug and patted his back, "thank you" all he did was smile in return.

-
It was finally the last block of the day and I was making my lonely way to music. I felt scared, well not really scared.. nervous. I never ever felt that way when it came to seeing Luke. It was almost unbelievable to think that things had become this way.

I walked into the class and on instinct looked to the back of the room and saw him slumped over playing one of the old acoustics.

I swallowed my nerves and walked over there . I placed my hand on his shoulder and he flinched. He looked up at my and my small smile turned into a frown. His eyes were darkened in fear. They were still swollen and i still can't believe this is all my fault.

"Hi Luke." He looked at me and then looked away. Dear god it was like day one. I pulled up a chair and sat across from him. "Can we talk?"

"What do you want to talk about, Calum?" He whispered, almost shamefully.

"I just want to apologize." He looked at me with his bloodshot, wide eyes and then narrowed them.

"Apologize for what?" He snapped. "Trying to understand something you never could? Giving me some kind of false hope? Inviting me into your home? Sticking up for me? Taking me on those amazing dates? Sacrificing your reputation for me??" His eyes wandered in hopes of drying the tears forming, "are you sorry for loving me, Calum?" His eyes suddenly drifted down and pierced through mine. He discarded the guitar and grabbed his backpack, and spoke again, "because I am." I stared in wonder, confused as to how that all just happened .

I knew I fucked up so bad and I wish I hadn't but there was nothing I could do. Luke definitely wasn't mine anymore.