Broken||M.C

*Thirty-Four*

//WARNING: This chapter contains a part with self-harm. In case any of you struggle with it. There is also a message for you at the end of the chapter, if you do. Love you guys!\\

Michael

I sat backstage. We had a show in two hours and I was sitting on the couch, scrolling through twitter. Nickleback was playing in the background and the guys were in the room. They were dancing and acting crazy. So basically they were acting normal. I hadn't felt like doing any of that in weeks.

I had tried moving on from Avery, but it wasn't working out very well. I was even seeing this other girl, Claire, but it wasn't the same. I didn't feel the same way with her as I had with Avery. The only reason we were really even together was because she was trying to get famous and her agent wanted us to date. She was nice, but I felt nothing towards her, and she had some guy back home that she was talking to. We only hung out sometimes, and when we did we had to hold hands and crap. I was not a fan, but it was only temporary.

I had noticed that Avery had tried calling me a couple of nights ago. I had been out with Claire that night and I hadn't even noticed she had called until I got back to the hotel. By then it was too late to call and I didn't know what to say. I missed her so much and all I wanted was to see her and hold her in my arms.

"Hey, Michael." Calum yelled.

"Come on!"

He motioned for me to join him and Ashton as they danced and acted crazy. I just shook my head, I was really thinking about calling Avery. I wanted to talk to her so badly. So I walked out of the dressing room and out into the hallway. I tapped on her phone and it started ringing. I paced back and forth as it rang, then it stopped and I heard her pick it up.

"Michael?" She said.

"Yeah, hey." I said.

"Hey." She said.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I-I'm good."

Her voice broke and I could tell that she was probably the exact opposite.

"That's good." I said.

"How about you?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just busy."

"Oh that's good."

There was so much I wanted to say, but things felt awkward between us. She wasn't talking much and I hoped that she didn't hate me for what had happened.

"Avery, I-"  I started.

"Look Michael, I don't know why you're calling me, because it's obvious that you've moved on. So I think you just need to forget about me for good, okay? Because I don't need this right now. I'm having a hard enough time as it is. Goodbye Michael."

And just like that, she hung up. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. I knew exactly what she was talking about. She must've seen the picture of me and Claire. Paps had taken pictures of us holding hands outside of the restaurant we had been eating at. Avery must've seen them.

She sounded so hurt and I knew she was crying. I knew it was because of me. I had done this, I had made her like that and it was literally killing me.

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Avery

I couldn't help but cry. I was upset, sad and angry all at the same time. How could he just call me up like that, out of nowhere? Didn't he have some girlfriend to entertain? I threw my phone down and collapsed onto my bed. I couldn't handle this. I mean it was just too much of a strain on me.

I walked to the bathroom and turned on the light. I looked in the mirror. The circles under my eyes had gotten worse and I looked skinnier. I wasn't eating very much and I was sure that I had lost weight. I wasn't that big to begin with either.

The razor was sitting out on the counter. I just stared at it for the longest time. This was something that I hadn't done in years. I had quit back when I was about sixteen. When I had discovered Luke making his covers and then the other boys joined him. Whenever I got the urge, I would just watch one of their videos and it would help me forget about it. But now, I couldn't even do that anymore.

Who knew that the people who had once helped me, were now the reason I was feeling this way. I never would've thought it would be like this.

I picked up the razor and brought it towards my arm. I slowly slid it down my arm. I barely felt it, but then the sting came. Blood poured into the sink and then I stopped. I took a towel and held it on my arm until the bleeding stopped. I bandaged my arm and threw the towel away. I walked into my room and laid down on my bed.

My arm was now throbbing and I was crying from the pain. It was stupid of me, I shouldn't have done it. I don't even know why I did do it. I just didn't know what else to do. I was tired, tired of feeling like my heart was going to break in two. It already had, but there were times where my chest hurt so bad that I thought it literally was going to rip apart.

There was a knock on my door. My mom opened it a little and peeked her head in. She smiled and then walked all the way in. She sat by me.

"Are  you feeling okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Okay, just checking. You were all covered up."

"Just resting." I said.

"Alright, well I was just coming to see how you were. I'll leave you to rest."

She kissed me on the forehead and then left the room. She and Dad had no idea that I had ever cut before. I had been doing it for almost a year in half when I discovered 5SOS. I was good at covering the scars too. I would wear longsleeves, jackets, or bracelets to hide them. I hadn't even told Michael about it. It was a part of me that I wanted to leave in the past and I had honestly forgotten about it.

That was another thing about being with him. He had this affect on me where, I would just forget everything. Like, all of the bad stuff that had happened, it didn't exist. It was just like a bad dream.

I guess the thing that was the hardest about all of this was the fact that I wasn't angry with him. I didn't hate him, I still loved him. I loved him just as much as I had the first time I saw him, maybe even more. That's why I hated myself. It would just be so much easier if I could just be mad at him, but I wasn't and I didn't think I ever would be.

I got out of bed, walked over to my dresser and pulled out his flannel. I wrapped myself in it, it still smelled faintly of him. I got back in bed and under the covers. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of better days with Michael.

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So, I'm sorry if this was too much for anyone, but i felt like the cutting was something that would add  a bit more to her character. I just wanna take a second here and tell you something. You should never feel like you have to harm  yourself. It will only cause you more pain. I mean look at Avery, she was hurting so much on the inside and then when she cut, she was now in even more pain. It can also cause you to get infections. So please if you're cutting, try to get some help. Reach out to a friend, parent or someone at your school. You can even talk to me if you need to, my DMs are always open to you.

You can overcome this. You are loved and worth so much. More than you'll ever know or be able to fathom.

Okay sorry I just did like a little speech there, but so many people struggle with this and I just want them to know that if they need help, I'm here and they can overcome it.

Anyways, plz vote and comment. This isn't really that bad, at least I don't think so and I'm not biased, believe me lol.