It's Always Been You

Chapter Five; I Do

I run my fingers across my tender skin, staring at the dark purple marks Gale left on my collarbone just yesterday. A pang of guilt fills my whole body as I cover it thoroughly with the makeup I have kept in my bedroom on the train.

Last night in this room alone was torture, but I told Peeta I didn't want to see him until the wedding. I told him I wanted to "keep the tradition alive." The truth is, I just didn't want him to see the mark that Gale left on my neck. I know that eventually, he'll see it, but I at least want it to fade a bit. I don't want him to be hurt the day of his own wedding.

In just a few minutes, the train will arrive in the Capitol and I'll be whisked away to get ready for the "biggest wedding of the century." I watch out of my window as it comes to view. Of all the times I've been to the Capitol, my breath is still taken away when I see everything come into view.

As expected, there are tens of thousands of people scattered around the train station, with cameras all around. I can see Caesar Flickerman from blocks away. He's standing on a podium, a microphone in hand. He is wearing an all white suit, and he has now dyed his hair gold. I grab my shirt from off of the bed and put it on quickly, making sure it is completely covering my chest. You can barely see the purple mark on my neck. I'm sure everyone will assume it is from Peeta if it is visible.

"Katniss!" Prim says in awe, gasping at the beautiful sights as we pull into the train station. "You never told me that the Capitol was so... so beautiful!"

"Words just can't describe the beauty of the Capitol, Little Duck." I whisper, taking in the beauty myself as I wrap my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. How can such a beautiful place create such horrid memories?

"All of those people are here for you?" She asks, pointing to the crowd of people just outside of the entrance to the train. I sigh.

"That's not even a tenth of the people that we will encounter today." I murmur, lifting her off of the chair and walking towards the door. "I won't be able to pick you up like that for long." I say, changing the subject.

She chuckles, and I open the door to everyone waiting for me in the Capitol. I smile and wave as I hold Prim's hand with my remaining one. We walk quick paced to the car awaiting our arrival and hop in.

+++

"Katniss, what in the world were you thinking?" Cinna asks, examining the bruise on my neck. "You have a low cut wedding dress!"

"I wasn't thinking, okay?" I groan, burying my head into my hands. "At least I stopped him. I'm not sure the world would be thrilled to hear that I got pregnant with my cousin's baby."

"Keep your voice down." Cinna whispers, taking a hair pin from a box and handing it to me. "I know you're young and confused, Katniss, but deep down, you must feel something for Peeta."

I open my mouth to speak, but decide it isn't worth it. I don't love anyone... Not Peeta, not Gale. I wish I could focus on the one person I'm sure that I do love– Prim.

"We can cover the marks, no big deal. I just wanted to discipline you." Cinna says, laughing to himself. "You have to think about yourself now, Katniss. After you marry Peeta, it's you and him forever."

I nod my head and sitting down slowly. Cinna gets to work right away, braiding my hair in an intricate design. It's quite beautiful. The braid starts at the side of my head, continuing across the back of my head and around. Below the braid, my hair is curled and styled.

"It's called a waterfall braid." Cinna says, handing me a mirror to look at the back of my head myself. "Do you like it?"

I nod, offering him a smile as he gets started on my makeup. My whole face is covered in foundation, covering my olive completion. A white toned "highlight" is put on my cheek bones and nose as a dark brown tinted cream is put just under them. Cinna takes a dark gray shadow to my eyelids, and adds some black to my crease. He adds a thick line of eyeliner on my lids, and finishes my eyes with some mascara.

"What color lip stick do you want to use?" Cinna asks, showing me several tones.

"I don't care."

"How about purple?" Cinna asks, trying to make me smile. He puts a layer of it on my lips and finishes my makeup with some bright purple gloss.

"Beautiful, just beautiful." He says, patting my back. He leaves to go get my dress from the other room and I stare at myself in the mirror. Though I always hate the look the Capitol forces me to wear, I don't mind this one. I look somewhat like myself, besides the dark tones shadowing my eyes. I find myself hoping Peeta will think I look beautiful.

"I hope you still love it, Katniss." Cinna says, undoing the clasp in the back of the dress and allowing me to slip into it. I still do love the dress, but you can somewhat see the marks on my neck. Cinna comes to me with some skin-toned liquid and covers the mark thoroughly. When I look back into the mirror, it is not visible at all, and I am able to finally relax.

"You look stunning... absolutely stunning."

+++

I'm sweaty, barely able to breathe as Prim attempts to fan me down. My dress feels too tight, and it feels as if my lungs are collapsing.

"Katniss, were almost there, you're okay." Prim says, squeezing my hand.

I nod my head, gasping for air out of the window of the small car. I don't think I've ever been this nervous. My anxiety is worse than ever, and all I want in the world right now is a bottle of liquor.

"We're here!" I hear a peacekeeper yell from the drivers seat of the car. I basically fall out of the car, but am met by thousands of people waiting for me to arrive.

I look beyond the people, to see Peeta standing with a minister. President Snow is standing behind them. I smile widely, hoping that I haven't sweat my makeup off, praying that my anxiety isn't noticeable.

I feel a tug on my arm, and I look over to see Haymitch by my side to walk me down the aisle. I had to choose someone close to me, and I figured Haymitch spends the most time with me... not to mention he was the person that gave Peeta the idea to ask me to marry him so soon.

My arm is interlocked with Haymitch's, and as I am whisked down the aisle, I feel as if I'm watching my whole life flash in front of my eyes. I see Peeta and I mentoring, eventually being forced to have children, doing interviews after interviews... By marrying Peeta, I am devoting my whole life to this, and I have no control.

As I make eye contact with Peeta, I see a wide smile spread across his face. He sheds a single tear, and I force myself to shed one too. As Haymitch lets go of my arm, Peeta grasps my hands, and looks deeply into my eyes

The next minute and a half, I tune everything and everyone out. I just stare at Peeta, still reminiscing about our future. I want to scream, cry, tell everyone how much I hate my life, but the only thing I can say is...

"I do."