It's Always Been You

Chapter Thirty Two; Close

"Hey, Catnip wait up!" I hear Gale call from behind me, the leaves crushing beneath my swift feet. I smile to myself, looking back at him.

"Not breaking tradition, huh?" I ask, putting my bow on the ground and embracing him in a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good." He says, reaching for his bag and pulling out a small piece of bread. He breaks it in half and hands it to me. "Remember the first-?

"I remember." I murmur, taking a bite of the bread, chewing slowly.

"How's your boy?" Gale asks, following me towards our meeting spot.

"He's good, actually. He's starting to crawl and teethe." I say. It's weird-making small talk with Gale about my son when two years ago I told him I'd never have children.

"Some day you'll teach him to hunt." Gale says with a small smile. "I can help."

"That's what he was named for, but he might not have taken on my talents. He could always be a painter...or a baker."

Gale shrugs, changing the subject quickly. "You know, this would be your last year...to be reaped, that is."

"Yeah, I know, and Prim is so worried." I say, plopping myself down in the grass. "I can't blame her. I'm not sure if I'll be able to protect her anymore. I can't volunteer."

"They won't pull her name."

"We said that last time."

"Katniss."

"It's fine, Gale. I'm gonna go get ready."

+++

I run my hand along the fabric of my dress. It was my mother's, but she gave it to me after I had Hunter. She told me she wore it a few months after she gave birth to Prim because it fit more loosely. I can see what she meant.

After giving birth, my body hasn't been the same. My natural small frame is evolving. My stomach for the most part as gone down the whole way, but I'm more wide set than before. Peeta tells me it's just that I'm becoming more woman-like but I can't help but believe it's all because I'm eating more. I'm not the starving little sixteen year old from the seam anymore. It makes me feel guilty...it makes me resent myself.

"Are you about ready to go?" Peeta asks, peering through the doorway, Hunter attached to his hip. I nod, biting my lip.

+++

My hands are behind my back, and I cross my fingers as hard as I can, staring out into the crowd where Prim is standing. It can't be her. I said that before. I was wrong.

I hold my breath, and turn my gaze to my mother, who is holding Hunter. She looks just about as scared as me. I close my eyes when Effie's hand reaches into the large glass bowl. She unfolds the small piece of paper, and the name "Aviana Winston" crosses her lips.

I hear what seems to be a gasp from everyone standing, and as a group of people begin to move away from the girl. When I see her, I get sick to my stomach. It's evident she's only twelve years old, and before she can even begin to walk towards the stage, a taller girl approaches her frantically from behind. "Aviana!" The girl screams, pushing through peacekeepers that are holding her back. "Avianna! I-I volunteer! I volunteer!"

The crowd goes silent, I swear I can hear my my heart beating out of my chest. "I volunteer as tribute." She says clearly, and she walks forward, Effie staring at me from the corner of her eye. I know why she is. As this brown haired, thin volunteer walks towards the stage, I can only see myself. She's scared, barely able to walk as I see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She stands in front of me, not once making eye contact, and Effie asks her name.

"Brinley Winston." She says softly, staring towards the crowd in disbelief. That was her sister.

I watch intently from behind as her small frame trembles, and I pray to myself that she isn't crying. I look over to Effie who is going to pick the boy's name. I clear my throat, deciding that everyone's attention should be towards the next name being pulled. "Show no emotion." I whisper just loudly enough to hear it, and she does. I suppose I have to begin mentoring her straight away.

Effie calls a boy's name, "Cadence Atkinson" and I watch intently as a taller boy with a broad build walks towards the stage. I bite my lip. These are the children Peeta and I will be forced to mentor...one being a volunteer that I already feel close to.