It's Always Been You

Chapter Four; Last Few Moments

I arise bright and early, determined to enjoy my last day before Peeta and I will be married, and our love will be completely official.

Peeta has already left for his shift at the bakery. I scan the kitchen for something to eat, and I find a fresh cinnamon roll waiting for me with a small note attached.

"enjoy your day, and please be safe." -Peeta

I smile to myself, eating the cinnamon roll quickly as I stare at the counter. Sometimes, I wonder if life would even be better if I didn't live with Peeta. I'm easily bored when I'm in this huge house alone, and Prim is at school every day. I barely speak to my mother, and Gale has a full time job in the mines. What would the difference be?

I put my dish in the sink, slipping my hunting boots on and walking out into the fresh air.

The air is crisp; the sun is beaming down on my skin, and the wind blows slightly. It's my favorite time of the year in District 12. It was my father's once, too.

I go to my mother's house first, stopping by to visit Prim. Prim did not attend school today, because she and my mother have to pack for the Capitol tomorrow. It's Prim's first time in the Capitol, and for as excited she is, I wish she'd never have to see a place like that. I don't want her to exposed to the abnormality and perfection of the Capitol. I know that cameras will be in her face all day. I want her to stay herself. I don't want her to turn into one of the snobby, stubborn Capitol children.

"Katniss!" Prim squeals as soon as I step foot into the house. She jumps into my embrace, and I hug her tightly. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way to hunt with Gale, but I just wanted to stop by and say hello." I say, walking into the kitchen. My mother is making breakfast for the two of them. "Hello," I whisper, placing my hand on her shoulder.

"Hi, dear." She says, smiling. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"No thank you, I just ate." I start. "I just wanted to give you this." I say, placing a key on the counter in front of her. "It's the key to you and Prim's room in President Snow's mansion. It was sent to me today."

"Thank you," she says, hugging me tightly.

I nod, walking back over to Prim.

"I'm going to hunt with Gale, because I won't see him for a while." I whisper to Prim. "I'll see you tomorrow, little duck." I murmur, kissing her forehead lightly. She wraps her arms around me, hugging me tighter than ever.

"I love you, Katniss."

+++

"Gale!" I say, running to catch up with him. He is setting up a snare in our usual meeting place. I pull my quiver of arrows out of my safely hidden tree stump and pull one out.

"Hey," he mutters, focusing on the snare. His fingers move quickly, loosely tying the rope. I continue watching his every move, until he is done with it. "Sorry." He says, wiping his hands on his pants. "I had to focus for a second."

"It's fine." I say, leaning against a rock to support me. "How have you been?" I sigh.

"Fine." He says, taking a berry from his pocket and chewing on it. "I was in the mine the other day. I saw a re run of your latest interview. I don't usually watch them, but..." His voice trails off. "Why do you let them do that to you? Make you look so different?"

"It isn't really my choice." I say, looking over at a few birds flying above. I don't bother to shoot them. "If I protested, I'd be killed... turned into an avox, maybe."

"Why would they do that?" He asks with an eye roll. "You're the most famous person in Panem. I'm surprised I don't have to pay to talk to you."

He hurts me with his words. The last thing I need is him acting the same way that the citizens of the Capitol do. I always thought Gale would always be there for me. "Gale, I came out here to hunt." I say frustratedly. "I am being forced to get married tomorrow. The least you can do is act normal. I just wanted it to be like old times. Why does everything end in an argument?"

"I just don't agree with any of this." He says, shaking his head. "Oh, and what happened to never having kids?"

The subject infuriates me. The subject of children has always had this effect on me, but coming from Gale, I want to punch him. "I just told you, Gale, I have to lie my way through everything. If I didn't, I'd be killed in an instant. Panem would see me as a threat. They'd see my love for Peeta as an act of defiance, not love."

"But an act of defiance is all it is, Katniss." He hisses, throwing some berries from his pocket. "Why the hell did those poisonous berries have to exist?"

"My life would be worse without Peeta, Gale. Have you ever seen Finnick Odair? He's forced out to have sex with any person willing to pay a decent amount." I'm not lying. I've met Finnick Odair a few times, actually. He's usually miserable, drinking, just like me. He parties constantly, and is always being taken at random times. I once followed him, simply curious as to what he was doing. Sure enough, a peace keeper took him to some strange woman's room. He protested, but they threatened a woman named Annie Cresta, his love I presume.

"Can we just hunt?" I ask, throwing an arrow at the ground. "I thought we could have one last–" Before I can finish, Gale is holding me close, kissing me vigorously and running his hand down my shirt, touching my breasts.

He pulls me to the ground with him, continuing to kiss me up and down, but I don't object. He kisses my neck softly, unbuttoning my shirt. As soon as he has taken it off of me, I realize just how dangerous what we are doing is. I pull away, standing up and picking my shirt off of the ground.

I stare down. I had the chance to say no, but I didn't. I wanted him for that small moment.

"I knew you'd do that... pull away. I just– I just had to do it." He whispers, kicking the snare. "I had to do that once before you're officially married and I can never have you again."

I place my arrows and bow back into the tree stump, running away immediately. I don't feel the tears caking in my eyes, but I know they're there. I let out a short sob as I run as quickly as I can back to my house. I don't want this. I don't want to be married, I don't want to have children, I don't want to do interviews anymore, I don't want to live.

I calm myself down once I enter my home. I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling and letting my tear stained face dry.

I know that Peeta will be home soon, and he'll make me feel better. He seems to find a way to make everything better.