It's Always Been You

Chapter Fifteen; Turning Into Them

Tonight is the time that the infamous tribute parade will take place, and Acacia and Zane will make their first true impression. I eye up a plate that sits in front of me, filled with breakfast pastries. If I could, I'd eat every single one. My cravings are out of this world.

Acacia looks at me, laughing to herself. "You can eat one, Katniss. I don't think anyone cares." She says, throwing one onto my plate. This morning, Peeta and Haymitch are talking to Zane about first impressions and how to get sponsors, and they decided that it'd be best if I talked to Acacia.

"Sorry." I say awkwardly, taking a small bite of the pastry. "Cravings."

"I was ten when my mom had my youngest brother. He's four now. She always had cravings for cakes and cookies, but we couldn't afford it. She told me that throughout every pregnancy, she'd save up every extra penny so she could buy at least one slice of cake to satisfy her cravings. She would've loved to be here while pregnant."

"How'd you get food?" I ask, regretting asking immediately. "Sorry, it's just... I almost starved to death five years ago."

"My dad stayed at home, and my mom worked in the seam. She enjoyed it, so my dad decided to stay with us while she made the money. We didn't make much at all. I'm the oldest, and at ten years old, I couldn't really help take care of my siblings yet, so we had to have some type of supervision. Mom caught a flu shortly after my brother was born, and died within a week. That's when my dad started working in the mines, and I took out tesserae. We got some money after my mom died, but I was always hungry anyway. I made sure my siblings are."

"I'm sorry, Acacia. For your mother, but also because of what I said the other day. That was terrible of me and I didn't mean it, I'm just scared."

"If you don't mind me asking, how'd you survive? Acacia asks, changing the subject. Relief rushes over me. "I mean, when you were starving to death, what changed?"

"Peeta saved me." I whisper, realizing what is truly keeping me alive through everything. Peeta.

+++

I stand behind Acacia and Zane with Finnick on my left and Peeta on my right. Johanna Mason is sticking around us, along with Haymitch and a few mentors I don't recognize. I make small talk with Finnick, and I can't help but stare at his glass of wine. God, I know that if I took one sip, Peeta would never forgive me, but it's all I want right now.

Acacia and Zane have been dressed similarly to how Peeta and I were last year. Acacia wears a long, ball gown type black dress, with red gems adding a pop of color. Her hair has been curled and styled up, but not in a braid. Zane has a black pantsuit on with a tie that matches the red of the diamonds on Acacia's dress. To stick with the original theme of coal mines, Cinna has chosen to make smoke appear around Acacia and Zane, rather than fire. He told me that nobody can replace the girl on fire.

I stiffen, pulling my dress down slightly. Cinna has dressed me in a long, bright blue cocktail dress with a slit going down the side. My hair is slick down and straight, and my heels are only about six inches tonight. I have minimal makeup on my eyes, because Cinna wanted to focus on my lips. He put the same color lipstick as my dress on my lips, making them very vibrant. I felt awkward at first, but I soon felt better when I saw Johanna Mason in a tiny little bright green dress with green mascara and eyeliner. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her.

Peeta, like Zane, is wearing a suit with a tie that matches my dress. I lean up against him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Katniss, Peeta, let's go sit in the mentor section." Haymitch says, pointing to an area of overdressed, ridiculous looking people. I shrug, following Haymitch and grasping Peeta's hand. I take a seat next to Haymitch, with Peeta on my right, and it's not long until several people are offering me glasses of wine. I politely tell them no, despite how much I want to take one. I just wish I wasn't pregnant. I can basically feel Peeta breathing down my neck, his eyes locked on me every time someone tries to hand my any type of alcohol.

The tribute parade goes by faster than I thought it would. Acacia and Zane, of course made a great first impression when their smoke started to circle their chariot, and there were roars from the crowd. I know for a fact that Acacia will have no problem getting sponsors, because the whole time, she wore a smile on her face as she waved and blew kisses to all of the Capitol citizens. I could see Caesar Flickerman sitting in a seat above everyone, broadcasting the event. He pointed to Acacia and Zane several times, oohing and aweing over their outfits.

Maybe Peeta and I can bring home a victor this year. Maybe I won't have to go through the terrible misery of watching them both die.

"Hey, Katniss." I hear someone call from behind me. Enobaria. "Did you talk to Acacia about the alliance? Taj is all in for it."

"I didn't, actually, I've had a lot on my mind. I will later."

"You better." She says, smirking. "You've got a fierce girl on your hands. I think the two of them could tear up the other tributes."

I shutter at the thought of Acacia killing such young children. I'm not sure I could picture her doing it.

+++

"Acacia?" I ask, knocking on her door lightly. She comes to the door almost immediately, wearing a robe and towel wrapping her hair. She doesn't look like herself, though. There are bags under her eyes, and her face is bright red. She simply raises an eyebrow.

"It's like midnight." She says, rolling her eyes and sniffling slightly.

"Are you okay?" I ask, realizing that she had been crying.

"Yeah, I just have a cold." She says, brushing it off. "What do you need?"

I decide to let her go. I know that if someone would've caught me crying last year, I wouldn't have wanted them to know. Sometimes, I forget that I'm only three years older than Acacia.

"Um," I say, losing my train of thought for a moment. "Do you know Taj Diaz?"

"The other 14 year old?"

"Yes, well, Enobaria, his mentor things it'd be a good idea for the two of you to ally."

"I'm not interested in any allies, Katniss, just leave me alone." She says, shutting the door in my face. I sigh deeply, making my way back to Peeta and I's room. What am I doing? I'm turning into one of them.