It's Always Been You

Chapter Thirty Six; Just Be Normal

"You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine." I whisper into Brinley's ear,wiping her tears away as she hugs onto me. "I'll make sure you're fine, okay? I'll make sure of it. I'll get you sponsors, I'll get you everything you need. You're going to come out if I have anything to do with it."

"How?" She asks softly, staring up at me. "I don't have the skills like you do, I don't know how to do this. I'm not ready, I can't be ready. I don't want to be here, I'm not strong enough."

She begins to panic, grasping onto me as peacekeepers begin to but in. They force her away from me and I watch as they punch her side and grab onto her as they practically drag her into the ship. I've always tried to hold back my tears in public, but today I can't. Today I make a scene and show the world how attached I am to this girl. Maybe if the world sees how much she means to me, she'll get more sponsors.

"You are stronger than you know, Brinley." I think I say it loud enough for her to hear, but it might've only been a whisper.

"Are you okay?" Peeta says, putting his hand on my shoulder as he approaches with Cadence. Cadence gives me a light smile before walking away without fear. I turn around, burying my face into Peeta's shoulder as he holds me in a warm embrace. He caresses my back, holding me tight as I let my tears soak into the thin fabric of his shirt. I look up at him softly.

Since I found out I was pregnant again, things have gotten better. I've visited Dr. Aurelius quite a few times, who has given me ways to cope with things better than just alcohol and shutting the world out. My life isn't particularly bad because I have Peeta and Prim and my son, but there are still nights that I wake up unable to breathe, crying out for help and unable to get rid of the awful images in my head. Except now, it's not the same as before. Now in my dreams I don't just lose Peeta or Prim. The dreams are about my child. Well, my children. I can do everything in my power to protect my kids, but the games are inevitable. And I might lose another person I care about to the games now.

"I can't watch her die." I whisper, not breaking eye contact and swallowing back tears. "I'll lose myself again if I have to watch her die, and I can't lose myself because I'm pregnant, and I can't keep doing this. I can't keep falling apart and expecting alcohol or you or anything else to help put me back together. I can't do it again."

"I'm not going to let you fall apart." He says, offering me a slight smile. "Not anymore."

I want to stay and watch Brinley and Cadence leave, but I hear Hunter crying in Effie's arms. "She's awful with kids." I say jokingly, kissing Peeta on the cheek. I walk over to Effie, taking Hunter into my arms. I hold him on my hip, bouncing him and nuzzling my face into his tiny shoulder. He holds my finger and begins to calm down, resting his head on my chest.

"This little man is going to be a whole year old soon, isn't he?" Effie asks, cooing at Hunter as his eyes grow heavier.

"He is." I say with a light smile. Hunter's grip loosens around my finger and I lower my hand to my swollen abdomen, clenching it a bit. Peeta joins me, offering me a smile and wrapping his arm around our son and I. I look up at him, and he kisses me. The ship begins to take off, but I keep my eyes focused on my son, enjoying the warm embrace of my husband. All I'll ever need in my life are my boys.

"Peeta, I don't want to see this today. I can't watch the blood bath." I whimper, holding on tightly to his side. "I can't do it today."

"When did you get so fragile?" Haymitch asks from behind me, scoffing. "I thought you were the unbreakable girl on fire. You need a drink."

"Haymitch!" Effie squeals. "How rude."

Effie's reaction is nothing compared to Peeta's. He pulls himself out of my grip, grasping onto Haymitch's shoulders and slamming him against the wall.

"Peeta!" I yell through gritted teeth, covering my sleeping son's ears. I want to go grab him off of Haymitch, but I can't walk over to them with Hunter in my arms.

"Don't you ever disrespect my wife again." Peeta hisses, getting in Haymitch's face. "She is pregnant and vulnerable and upset. Do not take advantage of that or ever make her feel badly. Or it'll be you who has to sit there and clean her up after she's gotten drunk, or you who has to comfort her when she's afraid. Fuck you, Haymitch." He says, coming back over to me.

"Let's go." He whispers, tears forming in his eyes. He holds my hand, pulling me towards the penthouse. "I'm sorry I lost my temper."

I stay silent in the ride up to our penthouse, replaying everything he said. Does he resent me for the drinking? Is he angry that I wake up with nightmares? Is he upset that I'm attached to Brinley?

"I'm sorry." I say, putting Hunter into his cot. "I'm really sorry Peeta. I didn't know I was such a burden."

"You're not a burden, Katniss I'm just so worried about you. I'm sorry." He says, sitting next to me and placing his hand on my leg. "I love you too much to see you in so much pain any longer."

"You're going to leave if I do it again, aren't you?" I whisper, choking back tears. "If I lose myself again, you're going to take Hunter and you're going to take the baby and you're going to leave."

"I would never leave, Katniss. I promise you, I will always be here. Don't ever think otherwise." He says, and I lean my head on his shoulder, wishing for once that I could just be normal.