Mistaken (Niall Horan)

2. The Paper And Them

Chapter (2) - The Paper And Them

I still can't believe it. I still can't believe how I was capable of causing all of this when all I did was love her. I still can't believe how someone's desire can be true and honest, but it all changes in a blink of an eye. I can't believe how I lost control of the car. I still can't believe anything that happened.

I stay silent for some time, still trying to process the whole thing in my mind, still trying to believe it all happened because of me. None of the boys talk though. But seriously, what would a person say in such a situation? How would someone try to react to such loss? How can they even stay with me after what I did? I almost killed... it's even hard to think about. Just thinking of it hurts me. My eyes and whole body hurt but not as much as my heart is aching. I feel so empty, so cold, so sad; I don't know if I'm alive or not.

“Niall,” Zayn calls, approaching slowly.

His voice is really low like he's afraid it might hurt someone, almost like a whisper. He hands me a piece of paper that I don't recognize.

“We found this in your shirt,” he says, and I still have no idea what the paper is.

I furrow my eyebrows, and my look is questioning.

“It's an unfamiliar handwriting,” Zayn continues.

I look back to the paper, and it's nothing that I can remember. I unfold it to see what's in it, and my eyes widen in sheer shock.

“We don't need you anymore, Horan. Maybe that was enough, wasn't it?

All love,

Whom you didn't help! xx”

I keep staring at the paper without a single clue as to what happened. Even though the boys told me that I crashed, I knew that it was strange to all of us. I never lose control. So, it was them? They did it all, but how? The boys said I lost control of the car, and I don't remember having anyone in the car with me except Hanya. They say: that was enough but the boys say that I lost control. How did they make me lose my control? How can they be this awful? How can they hurt such a sweetheart like Hanya?

Maybe that means I didn't lose control of the car exactly, but that makes it worse. Those people wanted to use my fame and popularity, and when I refused, this is what they decided to do. But why Hanya? I know they said that I should be careful about whom I love. I thought I would hurt her, so I wanted to protect her. But, this way? No, not this way! They must be heartless to hurt Hanya. I knew it was going to be trouble; I even thought that they would kill her, but I couldn't imagine it. I just freaked out at the thought itself and wanted to protect her, but I couldn't. I'm a failure! I couldn't prevent arseholes from killing my girlfriend. I did what's worse. Her life is ruined. She's hurting, and she may die at any second. I didn't give her a peaceful life or a peaceful death.

I close my eyes and take and guilt haunts me with it. It's very deep. I can't hear myself. I feel like getting rid of my heart so that I won't feel bad. I feel like torturing myself until my own death.

“What is it?” Zayn says in the same low tone he used earlier, probably still afraid of hurting me by his voice, but I won't really feel it.

If he shouted at the top of his lungs, I won't feel it. I won't feel any voice, and I don't think anything will hurt me anymore. There's no worse pain!

“I hate fame!” I say bluntly, but my answer doesn't seem to satisfy him. He looks confused.

“I hate fame!” I shrug and repeat in a louder tone, like I'm clarifying.

Zayn looks at me like I'm a maniac, but what's wrong with it? It doesn't even hurt!

“I fucking hate damn fame so fucking much!”

This time I'm shouting, and I lost control. The boys all look at me and approach in concern, but it's just like Zayn's reaction: emotionless.

“Niall, calm down,” Louis approaches me and raises his hand to pat me, but I shove it off vigorously. “Woah! Mate, what's wrong?”

He steps away, taken aback by what I did.

“What part don't you understand in I. HATE. FAME?”

I keep shouting. Seriously, what's so hard to understand? 'I hate fame.' I didn't even use bad grammar to make it hard, which is a bonus. That doesn't happen always, but they usually understand me, even with my bad grammar. Now why have they become so fucking dumb?

“All parts!” Harry blurts out and gains my attention.

I raise my eyebrows at him, surprised by such answer.

“'Cos you're always like, 'Oh man, we're living the dream', or maybe, 'How can life be so amazing?'” he tries to talk like me, with an Irish accent and all, but he fails horribly.

It should be funny, but I don't laugh. I can't.

“Niall, he's right. What's wrong with fame?” Liam asks calmly, and I seriously have this urge to punch them all. “It's not always good, but it's not that bad.”

“Has someone ever tried to use you 'cos you're famous?” I ask to meet four 'duh' expressions.

“Like a million times!”

Liam's tone is so sarcastic to express all of their looks. I don't care anyway.

“In terrorism?”

The four guys standing before me look at me with wide, shocked eyes. They don't believe I was almost used in terrorism, but I actually was. Either they believed or not. Some arseholes really wanted to use me in terrorism, and it sucks.

Harry is about to speak when he realizes his mouth is already open, so he shuts it and gulps. He doesn't say anything anymore, and I don't need him to speak. His and the others' wide eyes and open jaws – except Harry's – are enough for me to shout something that Hanya used to say all of the time, but it didn't sound as angry as me. She sounded sweet, sweetly angry, because she's Hanya.

“Then shut the fuck up 'cos you know nothing!”

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And... here's cahpter two, too. I just posted one chapter and I'm already so happy abbout what people think of it, I really love the feedback I got. It's not that much but means the world to me, so thatnks a lot! I love you, and I would love you more if you VOTE & COMMENT!

And, a sweet Niall at the sidebar so you wouldn't be mad at the sad, self-blaming one :) x

Dedication to @glamorousglen3 'cos she's a great editor and friend.

Follow me on twitter so you can get to know me better and ask me about anything you would like to askabout: RoaaMogahed.

Next chapter on Thursday.

Roaa. xo