Mistaken (Niall Horan)

19. Teacher and Psychiatrist

Chapter (19) - Teacher and Psychiatrist

“What happened with him?” Lily asks casually, stirring our conversation about Andrew to another direction, yet still related to him.

She is still so pale, still so skinny – usually, she's nothing related to skinny; in fact, she's pretty curvy, but she lost her appetite since Hanya fell unconscious – but she talks casually. It's like she has gotten used to it that it doesn't even matter right now for her. I know it does. I am so sure it does, but somehow it doesn't feel weird anymore to see her like that. Probably because I haven't been interacting a lot with her since I'm always busy writing, but I know that she cries everyday. I see her tears falling, and I always try to calm her down. I even end up crying too sometimes.

I cry different tears though. My tears carry much guilt. She only cries out of sadness. She cries because she misses her best friend whom she loves to no end. Her tears don't burn her cheeks every time they stream down them. I know she's hurt, and I know she is in very deep sorrow. But she definitely doesn't have knives cutting through her flesh every time she sees Hanya. She certainly doesn't feel the pain of crashing horribly with a car over and over again.

I tell her about the fight I had with that Andrew, and she looks at me with disbelief.

“Niall, that was rude!” she comments.

I know it was. I don't need her to tell me like a stupid teacher. Well, Lily resembles teachers a lot, and that annoys me.

“I know it,” I say bluntly.

“He really loves Hanya. You said it yourself,” she keeps scolding me.

“Lily, stop being the teacher you are and thank me instead. He was offensive to you,” I try to shut her up because I'm really not in the mood for such shit; I haven't been for so long.

“Niall, it was just embarrassing, not offensive. I wouldn't have reacted that way if he was offensive. You know I don't take offense as long as it is directly to me,” she corrects, again resembling a teacher.

“And people say I'm happy-go-lucky,” I snort. “Seriously Lily, when will you stop being this angelic?”

She widens her eyes at my words, chuckling. I mean it.

“No joke, you are always so good to people, forgiving them and always excusing them even if they kill your sister, always so cheery like there is nothing in this world to worry about. You're always the good soul in every story,” I spat.

I always loved Lily's personality. She always acts so weirdly yet naturally, shining with happiness all the time. Yes, she is no longer this ball of joy, no longer the weirdo in every place, but she is still positive, always assuring me Hanya is improving and that she's waking up as long as we want her to.

“I'm good 'cos I want to be good Niall. I'm not always the good soul in every story. I'm too emotional and nosy. And, I'm not always forgiving people. I just do my best to take advantage of every situation, and I don't give a shit about whoever has hurt me. The past is the past, and there is nothing that can change it. So instead of holding terrible memories, I start new, good ones, leaving everything at my back, including people's mistakes. All I do is that I don't regret Niall.”

Lily is talking so seriously. I know this is not going to end soon. Lily likes talking about herself whenever she gets the chance. That is not the thing though. I take notice of her words and remember older situations when she had said hints of these things, but I never knew they were deep thoughts like those. They seem like beliefs to me, like a lifestyle, and despite how miserable I am, I like them.