Mistaken (Niall Horan)

3. The Boys Know It

Chapter (3) - The Boys Know It

I can't handle it. I haven't ever felt this terrible. I want to punch everything. I feel like there's so much going on inside of me, and it shouldn't stay hidden. I'll explode if it does. The past few weeks – before the come, of course – I have been keeping everything inside me. I haven't told anyone about what happened with me or how I feel. I was never this secretive; it's not healthy, but I had no other choice. I had to keep stuffing everything and locking it inside to keep myself alive. I couldn't let go of my life so easily.

“Niall, what are you talking about?” Zayn says first because he's the one who has suffered the most from these words.

Every now and then, someone would come up with some nonsense rumor about Zayn being a terrorist, and it wasn't healthy for him. It affected his ego and his mood. Even till now – though right now there are no issues – his face falls every time someone mentions the word “terrorism,” especially with a religious background. To be honest, it's ridiculous for people to think Zayn is a terrorist! He's one of the best men on earth, and he's not even religious.

“I'm talking about someone wanting to use your fame as the cutie of One Direction!” I say nervously.

Now I know I can't keep it in anymore. They won't hurt the boys if I tell them, and the boys aren't stupid enough to tell the police. So, I've got nothing to lose. Zayn's about to say something else, but Louis' faster.

“Okaaaaay! So this seems like a long story we know nothing about and you have to explain it all now," he says in this fast high-pitched way of his, raising his eyebrows to show me it's urgent.

I take a deep breathe to calm down a bit then start telling them what I bottled up for so long. The boys look at me with hope, and I give in.

“A week after I got with Hanya, I was invited to a party, and I didn't refuse of course. I got so drunk talking to a nice, as I thought then,” – at that part, I chuckle bitterly at my stupidity – “bloke. We kept talking and laughing at anything. Then when I was supposed to leave, he dropped me off at home 'cos he had a driver with him, and we were both too drunk to drive. The next day I was going to pick up my car, and I met him. We agreed to go to another club that night. I was so drunk that day too, so I stayed at his place. The other day though,” – I gulp then 'cos I remember every horrid moment – “he made me meet his workmates, who are actually just terrorists. I discovered they were all a huge terrorist entity that I had never heard of, and they wanted me to help them,” I say those words with no feeling whatsoever, but the boys gasp when I say that last part. It's normal though; I was quite shocked when I knew.

“You agreed?” Louis asks, and my desire to punch him is growing so big I guess it might explode.

“Dumb!” I mumble. “No, but it wasn't the best choice I made.”

“What happened later?” he inquires, not caring about the insult, which is something Louis doesn't usually do, but I don't care anyway. I just gulp, swallowing my bitterness. I still don't know if this is even real.

“I refused to work for them, and they kept threatening me till one day they told me that I should look after whom I love and not..” I stop and shut my eyes tightly. I see the whole scene in my head and remember the crash. A lump forms in my throat. I open my eyes to continue, “not let them pay for my mistakes.”

They all – no exceptions – widen their eyes to the maximum, and their jaws hit the floor. I know it's shocking, but they don't really have to show me how terrible I am. I am almost killing Hanya now because of my fame. Those arses wanted me to work for them, and when I refused, I got my girlfriend caught between life and death. Great! I miss her already! Man, how am I going to live now?

“So that's why I was taking Hanya away: to protect her. They even mentioned her when they warned me,” I let the words slip out of my mouth calmly.

I don't know how I can speak this coldly, but I guess it's the fact that there is nothing left. I don't want to lose myself to anger, too, I already lost Hanya -most probably-, I don't want to lose everything. I never thought this way, what's wrong with me? Wow, I am saying – not even saying, thinking – bullshit. I swear I deserve to be in jail forever for this and be forced to be in food rehab. Yeah, I shouldn't be eating now. No one is going to share my passion for food with me like Hanya did.

“You were taking Hanya away?” Liam, still wide-eyed, questions, and I nod.

“Didn't you find us on a highway?” I ask through a shrug, and he shows me he understood.

Harry moves closer to me and passes an arm over my shoulder. I know he wants to comfort me, and I have to be honest, having the boys around makes it a whole a lot better. But still, I'm feeling bad. I don't know how I would have been without them. They're the biggest support in my life, but my heart is broken. It can't feel as good as it used to be every time any of the boys was just near me.

I smile a sad smile, grateful for having them around. I haven't lost everything after all. I have got the boys, the band, the fans, my family. Holy crap, my family? Haven't they heard of it? I bet the fans are now praying for us, which means that they know. Then my family must know. Zayn comes to me, and in no time, the boys and I are squished in a group hug. I love those group hugs, seriously. They always help; they don't make a huge difference, but they help.

“Where's my family?” I ask once we pull apart. Harry and Zayn are still next to me though.

“They come everyday and stay praying for you outside. Only Greg comes in. Your mother came once, and she didn't stop crying till the end of the day. So, Greg said she shouldn't come in the room anymore. Your father visits, too,” Zayn tells me, not moving from beside me. I don't really want him to move.

“Have you told them I'm awake?”

“Nope!” Zayn answers again.

My head snaps in his direction in surprise. He just smiles a sweet, encouraging smile that I find no reason for. We're in deep shit for crying out loud.

“Greg is with his family, and your mother fell asleep. She hasn't slept in more than twenty four hours, so we didn't want to wake her up," Liam explains.

I just smile, and we stay silent. I don't want to talk about it. I actually don't want to talk about anything now. Now, I'm supposed to start the physical training and physiotherapy, as the nurse who came some time ago said. I have to move on; I won't stay like this. I shouldn't kill myself because I did this, nothing's worth my life. Normally, I wouldn't think this way, but Hanya told me this: Make mistakes, move on, and continue your life to prove to yourself that you've become better. Don't keep crying about the past, even if it hurts and just live in the moment. I remember her words and feel every piece of me shattering, but I try to collect them again. Even if Hanya doesn't know how I am feeling, I'll keep her theory alive because I don't just love her. I'm loyal to her.

-::::::::::-

Aaaannnddd... here is it!! 

THIS IS US WAS EPIC, GUYS!!! Today, I finally met HeHe (Hanya'a nickname), we did the time capsule, watched This Is Us and  I bought a new book. It's about Zaaaayyynnn. 

Dedication to @BelWatson 'cos she's my idol and inspiration, and I'm writing on the Watson Style, as I like to call it. She made me learn so many things and thanks to her, I felt bad watching how hard the boys work. Specially that I just discovered Moni's is diva just a couple of minutes ago. I just love her more now :')

That's me at the sidebar if you don't COMMENT, VOTE AND FAN. I would love to know what you think of me and what I'm writing.

Roaa. xo