Mistaken (Niall Horan)

23. Hope

Chapter (23) - Hope

I keep staring at Lily for some time. Her words have entered my ear and gone straight to my heart and punched it so hard from every direction. I feel something tingling in my fingertips. Then, once my heart is beating one thousand times a second, Lily’s magical words head to gut and play with everything in it.

This means that it is 50% probable that I might see Hanya’s precious smile again. I might feel her next to me, moving and talking like she has not been doing for so long. I might hold her hand and feel it moving inside mine. I might see her crying over cheesy books. I might cuddle with her and feel her chest rising and falling with every breath she takes.

And, she might forgive me. I will be able to tell her I meant nothing of it. Will she even forgive me? At least I will let her know that it was all beyond my control. I was not able to change it. It all happened in the blink of an eye; I could not find Hanya by my side anymore. She will wake up, and she will know that! Even if she doesn’t forgive me for it, she has to know I had no chance to stop it, and she will.

“Niall, she will wake up!” Lily calls for my attention.

I look at her with a smile forming on my face. Her grin somehow gets wider, and her cheeks rise and close her eyes. One dimple is visible on her left cheek, just under her RayBans. Her teeth are biting down on her lower lip, and her nose is a bit crinkled. She jumps on me and clings to me with three limbs as if she will die if she leaves me.

I hug her back with the same intensity. Her body radiates hope against mine. She is spreading her positive feelings all over me, and I like that. I like the hope she is giving me. I haven’t felt this positive in so long, and I have missed that feeling. People have always said that I’m always so hopeful and happy. Who could have imagined I would stay more than a month feeling more terrible than I have ever been? Everything has felt gloomy and dark. It was like there were so many doors, but they were all closed in my face, all lamentably slamming shut at one time.

But now, with this news, a door has opened. It’s not really wide, but it brings so much light. It leads to somewhere very bright. And, I’m going to follow it. I’m going to enter this door. And, Hanya is going to wake up. Hanya is going to wake up no matter what, and she will forgive me.

“She will forgive me,” I mumble as I’m hugging Lily.

“She will,” she says, surprising me.

I didn’t actually mean to say it; it just slipped. The euphoria I'm feeling is so powerful that it showed off independently. It was subconscious, yet Lily reassured me in a very optimistic way. Does she really believe Hanya will forgive me? Why am I even surprised she believes it? Aren’t I very sure about it?

“Lily, you think she will?” I ask bluntly, pulling apart.

“Of course she will,” she says in a serious way, yet her eyes are shining with happiness. “Niall, you couldn’t change it.”

I blink at her in surprise. She means the crash, right? But, I haven’t told her about what caused the crash. The only ones who know what happened are the boys. So, I play dumb and go with the story she is supposed to know.

“I lost control on the car, Lily. I could have changed that if I paid more attention,” I fake explain.

“Zayn told me everything,” she sighs, and I look at Zayn.

“She had to know. That is her best friend here we’re talking about,” he defends himself.

He didn’t have to though. I know Lily had to know. It’s okay that he told her. What's not okay though is that she did not tell me that she knew anything about it. Why the fuck does she have to be this secretive? She never told me about how Hanya was an addict and made me think of very wild possibilities of what addiction Hanya was on if it’s not drugs. Oh shit! Maybe Lily was hiding that because she knew I hid the truth about the crash. Oh how childish!

“It’s not important why you told me. You already told me; now I do know, and it’s unchangeable,” Lily hurries to say. “Niall, look. Hanya will forgive you. I know it. I just know it, and I’m damn sure of it. You too have to be sure about that cos she loves you-“

“She will hate me then,” I say, representing the opposite point of view.

This is not being negative, right? Yes. I'm positive about Hanya waking up and me being able to tell her the truth, but I'm sure about gaining her forgiveness again.

“Why on Earth would she?” Zayn demands.

“'Cos I couldn’t protect her.” I shrug easily.

Why the fuck am I saying these things? I should be positive.

“Tell me one way you could have changed it!” Lily says impatiently.

“Breaking up with Hanya,” I suggest what pops in my mind first.

I guess I really should have broken up with Hanya, but I guess I love her so much that my heart didn’t even give my mind the chance to put that into consideration. She would’ve been safe if I ended my relationship with her.

“Oh thank God you didn’t,” Lily exclaims with a kind of… relieved expression. Am I seeing things?

“Niall, please, do not feel guilty. I beg you. There are many things you have ideas about, and no one can tell you them but Hanya. These things are why you shouldn’t feel guilty. I know you can’t help it, but I cannot tell you them. I don’t have the authority,” Lily pleads. “For now, just be happy that she is making progress and pray for her. That is all we can do!”

I look at her, and I see a huge smile covering her whole face. Then, I look at Zayn, and I see another warm smile on his face. Maybe I really shouldn’t feel guilty, but it’s not that I can control it. I don’t know what these crucial things are that can change something as terrible as what I did, but Lily seems so sure of what she is saying. I trust her. There is nothing to prove her word, nothing to show that there is any other person responsible for what happened to Hanya but me. So, the only way to forget my guilt is to forget what I did. Well, it is not going to be an easy task.

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I know you want Hanya back, but guys don't you worry. She is improving, she can't just wake up in a blink of an eye, it would be unrealistic. And on the other side it's getting complicated and it will end soon sice it has reached a climax. Just wait a few more chapters and you'll see things will be happier on a side and ... let me not talk about the other.

At the sidebar, you have Jack. Next chapter, Steven (his father).

Don't forget to check Joy and Your Girl out please :) x

Roaa. xo

P.S. I may increase updates very soon. I have started my break today.