Mistaken (Niall Horan)

8. Nando's and Lilian

--Important A/N in the end--

Chapter (8) - Nando's and Lilian

I started writing that thing yesterday, and so far, no one has noticed. They notice but don't ask, probably because they know I would tell them it's none of their business considering how moody I am these days. But, it's good they don't ask. Lily needs just two more minutes, so I can consider her dedicated. Literally. She didn't leave Hanya for a single second. How lucky is Hanya to have such a friend? But, Lily is gaining something too to be honest. Hanya's mother started to admire her for that after total disapproval, so it's good for her.

She has regained some of herself back. When she sees Hanya trying to move or making any sound, she's like a mother seeing her baby trying to walk. Tears of joy and happiness leave her eyes slowly, and she calls my name to show me how Hanya is improving. Sometimes, she can't even call my name, so she makes those weird nonsense sounds that she always makes. One time, she couldn't even make those sounds loud enough for me to hear. She just grabbed my hand and squeezed it till it was numb, but I wouldn't have felt it anyways; I was so damn happy.

I thought writing would make me feel better, but it hurts more instead. It feels good to know there's someone who's gonna read this one day, yet it hurts so much 'cos I relive all our moments together. I re-feel everything again, good and bad moments. They all happen again before my eyes. I can't even feel our good moments as I felt them before. Once I remember something good, it reminds me of another bad one, so I feel more terrible than I already am. Every single second I spent with her reminds me of the crash, of my miserable days with those monsters. Yes, they're monsters; they can't be any other thing. I swear to God no normal human can do this.

I enter Hanya's room, walking a bit better than I first did. The doctors say that my psychological state would affect me, so when I'm feeling okay, my body would be okay too and vice versa. I immediately head to my sunshine's hand to take it and kiss her palm. Man, if she could just wake up to know how sorry I am. I don't want her to die without forgiving me. I would live in a living hell of guilt. I don't want to die unless she'd forgiven me either. I won't rest in peace. My soul would be dying again and again till forever. If she would just wake up to know it all happened unintentionally. All I want is her forgiveness, and then she can leave me. I can bear her absence, but I can't bear her grudge. I want her to know it all happened in the blink of an eye, and when I realized what was happening, everything was already screwed.

“Hey Niallo,” Lily greets and grabs me out of my thoughts world, making me focus on her instead.

Zila, her RayBans, are almost falling off her nose, as usual. She looks funny, thank God. She has been looking like a real zombie those days when Hanya was still in the ICU. Hanya hasn't woken up, but Lily is hopeful again. That's Lily, regaining her hope with the simplest things ever. She appreciates everything in life and believes everything happens for a reason. I love the way she thinks to be honest. She can always achieve her dreams because she sees them as possible. She's realistic but amazingly optimistic.

“Hi Lilian,” I smile a weak smile that she made possible after she filled me with hope.

I raise her RayBans to tease her. People always like to tease her about her always-falling Zila, and I am one of them. I like teasing her in general, with her RayBans, with her full name, doesn't matter.

“Stop using that name, Horan!” she tries to sound furious, but it's funny.

She can't scare a little ant, I swear. See why I like teasing her? It makes me feel good seeing something funny like that. And, Lily trying to be fierce is one of the funniest things on Earth.