Mistaken (Niall Horan)

10. Explosion

Chapter (10) - Explosion

“Mind if I turn the telly on?” I hear Lily asking, and I nod.

There's no problem with turning the telly on as long as she is not going to raise the volume. I know she won't of course; she's too considerate of Hanya to do that. I look at the telly to see what appealed to her. Lily doesn't always watch TV, and out of everything on TV, she would never watch the news. But this time, she broke the rule.

“What is it?” I ask Lily because I'm too lazy to listen to the reporter, but to be honest, laziness isn't just it; I don't care much. I haven't cared about many things lately.

“I dunno. I heard people talking about an explosion in L.A...”

My heart just sank.

I feel nothing after this statement. Lily keeps talking like the very talkative person that she is, but I don't listen. I hear but don't listen. She said L.A, didn't she? That means Los Angeles, right? There, where I was supposed to drop that damn bomb, am I fucking right? That explosion.. I could have been its doer. Oh God. Oh dear God. I could have been there, working for them and giving up on all my beliefs.

I should be happy, right? Yeah, I should be. They're not going to go after me anymore, I guess. They took their revenge on me for not helping them and did what they wanted in the first place. They know that I'm useless. Of course, I should be happy, but guess what? I. Am. Not.

I can't be happy. I knew that they would've done it anyways, with or without me, but the problem is the reason they wanted to do it. They're doing this because one of their men left this horrid job and went to work in that circus, where they wanted to plant the bomb. They wanted to kill that man so that he won't tell about them. Can you imagine how many people got killed and injured because one man left a bad job for a good one? Plenty. Plenty of people were harmed mistakenly. Even those who lost their loved ones in the explosion, they're hurt too. They all did nothing to get this.

“Niall,” Lily notices my bloodless face. Wasn't she looking at the telly? “What's wrong?”

I don't know, Lily. I should be happy, but I actually am.. I don't even know how I am feeling. Can you believe this, Lily? I don't know how I am feeling. That is great. Just great.

“Nothing, I..” I was still trying to make up an excuse, and I added mentally, “I just remembered the crash.”

And, that seems to satisfy her.

Forty-five people killed, and so many others injured. There's probably more. Anger starts taking over me, for some reason, but I don't try to control it.

“Turn that thing off, Lily,” I tell her through gritted teeth.

“Wait a minute, I need to know.”

She doesn't look at me since she's so concerned, and I know very well she is. But, I'm getting angrier.

“Turn the fucking thing off!”

Now, I'm shouting. Excellent, Niall.

“And here, you've got my phone and laptop, so call your friends and know everything and all that bullshit!”

I hand her my things, and she seems pretty pissed at what I'm doing. I don't give a flying fuck.

“Thanks a lot. You can have your things. I don't need them. And, lower your fucking voice if you care about your fucking girlfriend.”

She almost pushes me, giving me the MacBook and the phone. Then, she leaves the room. I let her go. I don't give a shit about anything right now.

I try to find any fucking reason for my anger, but I can't. I know I of course pity those people who died for doing nothing wrong, but such things happen often all around the world. And every time, I pity those people who mistakenly die, but I never get angry enough to shout at one of my close friends. So what the fuck is so different about this time? That I should have been the one who did it? I should thank God for not doing it though it cost my girlfriend's life. Or maybe it's because I know that even their main goal is innocent.I know myself well enough to say that I don't feel all this angry for such reason. I remember the pain those people made me suffer from. I remember the misery I made Hanya live before the accident. I made her feel like she couldn't see the real, honest Niall anymore. I remember how bad my desire was to stop those people, and my anger increases with every little detail I remember. After all, they did what they wanted in the first place. I was just a tool, which they found broken, so they used another to reach their goal.