One Day

Part 19 - Misery

I'm not sure that I heard him right. She's back in town? What does that even mean, exactly. She's back in town so he wants to go talk to her? She's back in town so he wants to see her? She's back in town so he wants to spend time with her?

"Okay," I reply as calmly as I can while I lift my head. "So..."

He shrugs his shoulders but won't look at me, "I don't know. I'd like to see her so I'm picking her up tomorrow so we can talk."

I want to scream. I want to cry. How is it even possible to be so angry and devastated all in the same moment? He has already made plans to see her and is just now telling me. Tears come before I have a chance to stop them. My stomach turns and now I'm the one that can't bring myself to look at him.

I glance out the kitchen window, "What happens after this weekend? Do you plan on getting back together with her?" I don't like how desperate I sound. This was the boy that I didn't even think about four months ago and now I'm practically begging him to stay. What happened to the strong, independent woman my mom raised me to be?

"I don't know what's going to happen," he gets up from his chair. He quickly grabs my hands and pulls me up to stand in front of him. He wraps his arms around me and I don't have the energy to back away. I let him hold me while I cry.

There are so many things I want to say to him right now but words fail me. I want to scream at him and tell him that he's not being fair, that he can't keep playing with my heart. I feel like one of those balls attached to a paddle. The one where you do your best to keep it going back and forth, back and forth. Just when I feel like we are at our farthest from each other, he brings me in and sweeps me off my feet for me to just hit a brick wall and be pushed away again. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it.

"I'll call you later," he says as he kisses my forehead and walks out the door.

I do just the opposite of what my mother always taught me. Instead of holding my head up high and knowing that I'm the only person on this planet that can make myself happy, I crumble to the floor and wallow in my misery.

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