One Day

Part 25 - Jacob

Jacob's drinking had gotten out of control while we were together and was one of the reasons I left. After we broke up, it seemed to continue to get worse.

I think back to when we first met in Advanced Biology during our freshman year. He sat beside me on the first day and we immediately struck up conversation. I was a bit overwhelmed by how attractive he was with his shaved head, strong jaw line and dark eyes. His athletic build and strong arms kept my mind preoccupied most days and I longed for the days he would hug me bye so I could surround myself in his cologne. He was smart and most days we were finished with our work way before anyone else so we would talk and laugh together until the teacher called us down and threatened to separate us. From then on we kept a notebook so that we could write back and forth to each other. Soon enough we had exchanged phone numbers, he was showing up at my locker in between classes to walk me to my next, and he always seemed to find a seat near me at our shared lunch period. He always knew all the right things to say and by the end of our freshman year we were dating as much as two fifteen-year-olds could date.

He came from a wealthy family. Not inherited wealth but wealth that came from years of hard work and sacrifice by both of his parents and an expectation that he would make something of himself. And, boy did he work to make them proud. They liked me for the most part but struggled with how quickly our relationship became so serious. We spent every spare moment together. He would come to my house before school to eat breakfast with me and rarely were dinners spent apart. Our parents grew used to not seeing one without the other. We were busy – he played football and baseball and I cheered but we made time to see each other every day if only for a few minutes. As unhealthy as it may have been, we were obsessed with each other. We both sacrificed other relationships with our friends so that we could be together and by the time we graduated from high school, everyone knew we would end up married before we made it out of our teenage years.

College got the best of us, though. We made it half way through our sophomore year before life, partying, and about half a dozen other girls ripped me out of my naïve bubble. I can only assume that being with one person through his glory days was too much to handle. The break up was messy, full of regret and accusations on every level, arguments, trying to work things out and then me walking away. I refused to be the girl that didn't know better.

After the breakup I wouldn't hear from him for days and then, out of nowhere, my phone would blow up. He was angry – at me for leaving, at himself for not being faithful and at the world for tearing us apart. He was reckless and blamed me for every single bad behavior that he took part in. I was distraught, alone, and hurt beyond words. With each phone call, his words burned themselves in my brain and I was quickly falling into a dark, dark hole. I thought I did the right thing by leaving but I couldn't escape it.

Weeks turned into months and his drunken phone calls slowed. I thought his move to Florida would help the pain for the both of us. I didn't listen when Elena begged me to stop answering his calls. I was terrified that if I didn't answer he would do something to get himself killed. When I started dating again and he got word, the phone calls and texts started again.

Although the irresponsible behaviors were few these days, the drunken calls and texts still happened a few times a month. Many times they came while he was away working in Florida but sometimes he was in town. Coming home always reminded him of us and I would find myself picking him up at some bar or party and driving him to his parents' house so drunk that we wouldn't even speak on the drive.

I knew I needed to quit being his crutch but I felt responsible. A small piece of my heart would always love him. He was my first true love and up until last year, I had dreamed of him being my husband and the future father of our children.

I close my eyes and drift to sleep without responding to his text.

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