One Day

Part 32 - History

Jacob walks to the end of the dock and sits down beside me, his legs dangling over the edge with mine. "I just wanted to say hi," he says as he takes a sip of his drink and sits it down between us. He leans back on his hands and looks at me. "It's been awhile since I've seen you. How have you been?"

"Good. How many of those have you had tonight?" I say nodding towards his drink.

"Not enough," he says looking out over the water. "You look happy. Are you happy?"

I sigh, unsure of where he is heading with this conversation. "I am." A gentle breeze blows past us swirling the smell of his cologne around me. "I should probably go," I say as I start to get up.

He grabs my arm and tugs on it gently forcing me to sit back down. "Don't leave. I'm not trying to start anything. I really do just want to talk to you. We have a lot of mutual friends and, at some point, I'm going to move back here. I think it would be best for everything and everyone if we could at least try to get along."

"Get along?" I snap. "You call and text when you are trashed and expect me to come take care of things, you've continued to talk bad about me behind my back, and your subtle posts on Facebook aren't fooling anyone. We are disastrous. I think before we decide to get along and be friends, we should probably work towards just co-existing."

"You never say no," he replies, a small smirk playing on his lips.

I shake my head confused, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you never say no to anyone. You work so damn hard to please everyone that you never say no. Even if you wanted to say no, you wouldn't. You skirt around the issue, you respond with a general statement but you never just come out and say no," he says as he leans forward and puts his arms on his knees. "You should tell me no. I just asked you to be my friend and I don't deserve for you to be my friend, you should say no."

I hate how he always messes with my head. I do want us to get along but I don't think we can go from bitterness to immediate friendship with a simple statement.

He sighs and looks over at me, "You thinking about it is enough."

I don't respond and look back towards the lake despising the way he still has the capability to read my mind. 

"Why do you still wear it?" he asks nodding towards my hands.

It has become such a habit that I didn't realize I was twirling the ring around my finger. "Doesn't Jace mind knowing that it came from me?" he asks, genuine concern in his voice.

"I know what you are implying," I say glancing down at my left hand. "Jace knows and no, he doesn't care."

The thick silver band fits perfectly around my ring finger and is covered in Hebrew writing that reads "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." I look over and see that he is still wearing his matching band on the same finger.

"What's with the new one?" he asks still staring at my hands.

A thinner silver band now lays directly above the other band with the word "faith" written across it. I started wearing it the week after our breakup.

"It reminds me of the hard times," I say absentmindedly twisting them allowing myself to momentarily get lost in memories. "And it reminds me to have faith that things will always get better."

A small sigh leaves his lips as he looks away from me. "I think it would bother me if I was Jace. Knowing that we bought those bands for each other to show our love and commitment to one another and here you are, almost a year after we broke up, still wearing it. Seems to me like you are still holding on to something..."

His words drift away in the wind as I try to hold back my anger and work to actually have a civil conversation with him. "Let's not get started on commitment," I say as I lean back on the dock and close my eyes. "You had your chance to show me your commitment and you blew that out of the water."

I feel him lay back beside me, "You are never going to let that go, are you?"

"You expect me to just let it go?"

"Well, yeah, at some point I'd hope that you would be able to get past that."

"Tonight is not that night," I say wanting to change the subject but also wanting answers. "If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?"

"I'll try to be but I'm not going to guarantee you will like my answers."

"Why was I not enough for you? Why did you feel like you had to cheat on me?" I feel tears pricking at my eyes and I force myself to hold them back.

"I don't know, Lay. We had been together for so long and I was comfortable with you. You were all I knew and I guess I was curious, maybe? Or bored, or maybe a touch of both. When I got attention from other girls it was exciting. And then it snowballed. I got away with it once so why not do it again? I'm such a prick for telling you this but you asked me to be honest."

His words cut through my chest like a knife and I feel my heart starting to break all over again as he continues. "I never stopped loving you, though. The guilt I felt afterwards was so intense that I would literally be sick. But a few weeks later, I would go out with all my friends and after a few drinks and some attention, I was right back at it. I never meant to hurt you – as awful as that may sound."

A forced breath leaves my lips as a single tear slides down my cheek. The warmth from his touch as he quickly wipes away my tear leaves my thoughts blurry. "It's just hard for me to understand, Jacob. We were perfect together and you threw it all away. You did that. You broke us." Tears start falling faster before I have a chance to hold them back. "Why couldn't I be enough for you?"

"You are, Lay. You are so much more than enough for me. You deserve way better than me – and I'd love more than anything to make it all up to you if you'd only give me the chance. I was an ass and reckless with our relationship and I regret it every single day. If I could go back and change it all, I would. If I could even have just one more day with you – one more day to hold you in my arms, kiss you all over and replace all the bad with good memories of me – then I would in a heartbeat. You are my everything, Lay. Let me show you that."

"It's too late, Jacob. The damage has been done and we can't go back now." I sit up and sweep both of my hands under my eyes pulling myself together as he sits up beside me and places a comforting hand on my back. I will not allow him to pull me back. "You still have a lot of growing up to do and I'm in love with Jace."

"Just one more chance. I realize what I've lost and I'll do anything to get you back," he pleads as I stand up.

I reach over and squeeze his shoulder. "I'll talk to you later, Jacob."

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