One Day

Part 43 - Complicated

I know more than pull into my driveway when I hear my phone buzzing in my purse. I quickly grab it and am surprised to see that Jace is calling me.

I answer worried that something is wrong since I just left them at the store. "Hey, babe. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" he questions.

"No reason. You normally don't call and I just left you at the store so I was concerned. What's up?"

"I forgot to tell you earlier that the guy called that is finishing the sheetrock at my house. He said he should be finished by Tuesday so we can start painting. After that, we are ready to move in!"

I laugh. "Finally! It's only been a few years!" Jace did most of the remodeling work on his house himself so it was a very slow process. It probably helped that we had a place to live while he did the work, too. I knew we were getting close to having everything finished since the sheetrock in the master bedroom was the only thing left.

"I can paint on Wednesday so maybe we can move in there next weekend."

I panic slightly. While the intention has always been to move into his house, we haven't really talked about what would happen when that was a reality. Moving next weekend is really quickly.

"Uh, yeah. Let's talk about that when you get home. We need to decide what we are going to do with my house and everything. We don't have to rush."

"Sounds good. Well, Mason is already kicking my butt so I'm going to get off here and try to catch up to him."

We say our goodbyes as I make my way into my house. I like my little house and I'm sad to think about leaving. It was my grandmother's house and when she passed away, she left it to me and my sister. My sister moved away from the area for college so she had no need or want for the house. My mom kept it up until I turned 18 and then I immediately moved into it. I have worked over the years to turn it into a home of my own on my limited income as a college kid. It's old and it's small but it's home.

I feel my phone buzzing again in my hand and hit the answer button before I realize it's not Jace calling back. I stare at Jacob's name on my screen hesitating before I put the phone to my ear not ready to deal with this yet.

"Don't hang up, Lay. Just hear me out."

I slide the phone between my ear and shoulder. "Okay," I say as I walk into my bedroom, putting my things down and laying across my bed.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I don't know what got into me." He pauses gathering his thoughts. "I'm just nervous and anxious, I guess. I really want us to be able to develop a relationship – a friendship – and I guess I thought by coming by I could help with that. I'm trying really hard to become a better person but sometimes the old me still comes out."

I roll my eyes and let him continue.

"I'll do my best to not act like that again. I can't make any promises but I'm working really hard to be better for you."

For me?

"Jacob..." I'm not really even sure what to say. "Here's what you don't get. You need to be working to be a better person for you, not for me. If you are doing this for me, or to try to get back together with me, then you are way off base and doing this for all the wrong reasons. You need to work on your drinking and your attitude for you. Because you want to. Not because you think that is what I want."

I hear him sigh. "I know and I am. I just thought maybe..."

I'm not sure how many times I have to say it or go over it for him to understand. It's been so long since we were together that I'm not even sure if he knows what he is holding on to.

"Jacob..."

"You don't have to say it. I know you are with Jace. I know you love him."

"I do."

"Let me just say this and then we can move on. I won't mention it ever again and we can start working on our friendship – only a friendship."

My stomach jumps wondering what he is about to say. "Okay..."

"Are you happy?" I begin to reply but he continues. "Like really happy? Happy like we used to be? You remember what it was like before I let other things get in the way like some young asshole that didn't have a care in the world. I know I screwed up but hear me out. We were great together and you know it. We never argued and when we did argue, it was over the silliest of things. We supported each other, we fought to spend time together, we were each other's completely."

I sigh without meaning to letting my mind take me back to those days. The days of little worries. Before Jacob started drinking and partying which resulted in the unfortunate cheating, he was amazing. He always treated me with respect, never yelled at me or put me down, and always put my wants and needs first. He would spend every waking moment with me if we could make it happen. Up until he started hanging out with the wrong group of friends, he was the perfect boyfriend. One that you can only dream about or wish for – but he threw all that away.

"But things are so different now, Jacob." Tears are stinging my eyes. "You broke me and you can't take that back no matter how hard you try. I want to be friends with you, I really do."

If I'm being honest with myself, I really do miss him. He was my best friend for so long – the one who knew everything about me and never judged or questioned me. He was always my first phone call when something exciting happened or when something awful was going on. My judgement is cloudy – am I stepping over a line by trying to be friends with him? Am I giving him false hope that things could progress further than a friendship?

"Okay, then let's start there." I hear conviction in his voice.

"I need you to understand that things aren't going to go any further than friends. If you go into this thinking that, then you are going to do things and say things only because you are hoping to win me over. I want to have a relationship with you, Jacob, but only as a friend. A friend that doesn't come busting into my work being hateful to my friends, a friend that I don't even talk to everyday. A friend that I don't have to worry that I'm leading on."

"Deal." I can hear the smile in his voice. "Friends it is."

Although I want to trust him and his intentions, there is an alarm sounding in the back of my mind to stay away. Against my better judgement, I ignore it.

"Okay, then." We talk for a few more minutes before saying our goodbyes. I'm still laying across my bed as I hang up the phone. I always wish for my life to be normal and yet here I am complicating things again.

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